SEVENTEEN
“I've decided to get married,” she told Reva.
“Why this hurry?” She looked at Maya, surprised.
“Stepmom!”
“Come on! As if you do everything what she tells you to!”
“Not that, but it struck me that I can get out of this place if I get married to someone,” she giggled.
“Are you serious?”
“Kartik is the chosen one.”
“He chose you or you chose him?” Reva raised her eyebrow.
“Well, he too loves me!”
“Good for you. But I have my doubts. I know you very well, Maya. This is not what you would be looking for. He is not your type.”
“What's my type?” Maya winked.
“Maya, I too would love to marry someone. I wish to find my prince. But I guess it needs patience. I don't think you love him enough. You fall in love at a drop of a hat!”
“The only problem is he does not want to marry me,” Maya continued.
Reva looked at her from top to toe, incredulously. But then Reva was like that, honest and straight forward. “What do you mean by that? Is it the only problem? I thought you said he loves you. You are marrying someone who does not want to marry you. You can't get more ridiculous than this, you know that,” Reva said, irritated.
“Don't be silly. He's a nice guy. He loves me. I am sure he will realise it soon. He will soon get a great job and have a well-settled future. What else does a girl want?”
“Love, Maya. A girl needs love,” Reva sighed deeply.
“He loves me! Besides, you don't even know what love is,” she winked at the thought of her conversation with Vikram. “Oh yeah? How are you so sure that he loves you?”
Reva was sure Maya was fooling herself. She knew her friend too well. She was repeating something only to reassure herself. When we reassure ourselves the brain senses it as the truth. It feeds into our unconscious from the conscious to make it seem real. That's what Maya Dewan was doing. She was creating her own unreal reality around her. “Tell me,” Reva insisted.
Maya had no answer to this question. She wondered how was it possible to figure out if another person was truly in love with you. After all, it's only an abstract belief. She felt happy and had fun with Kartik. What else could love be?
Later that day, her stepmother told Maya that they had invited a family for dinner next week with regard to a marriage proposal for Maya.
“No need, I've found a guy for myself.”
“Who is he?” her stepmother asked. She was furious.
“He's a great guy. An engineer and he is well paid, well-educated. Exactly like those guys you have been searching for me. This one is better than them.”
“Why don't you call him home?” her stepmother's tone changed from challenging to the assenting at the drop of a hat. Some chameleon, she is!
“All right, I'll let you know after I talk to him,” she turned away and went back to her room.
As she was getting ready for college the next day, she was a bit nervous. She was supposed to invite Kartik home, but she was not sure if he would come. She called him on the phone.
“Hey, Kartik?”
“Hi Maya!”
“Kartik, I need to see you.”
“Maya, I'm planning to watch the match today with some friends. Don't you know India is playing today?”
How these guys could watch that stupid game of cricket all the time, she thought.
“Kartik, you have to come. This is a question of life and death for me. You need to make it and we need to discuss something that's important for both of us. Fuck your cricket match.”
“Maya please, not again. If this is the same topic that we've been discussing over and over again, I'm not interested.”
“Then you have to decide, Kartik. Either we marry or we are no more friends in any form or shape.” Maya's heart wept as she said this. Whatever happened to the love? There was a pause. Kartik took a deep sigh and then relented. What's with these girls, he thought. Just show some interest in them and the next thing they want is to get married!
“Okay Maya! If that's what you want, then let it be.”
“You mean we are breaking up?”
“You want to?” he sounded impatient.
“You mean it makes no difference to you if we don't meet again?”
“I didn't say so.”
“That's what you mean, though!” she said, ending the call.
Maya could not believe her ears. Was it so easy for him to go away like this? What about those passionate kisses? About all the times they made love?
She decided to find some solace in Reva. She lived a kilometre away and Maya rushed to her house every time she needed to chit chat. The love that she was so desperate for was just not happening. The love she thought touched one deep inside. Love which she was convinced, always finds a way.
She was not in a mood to do anything. She felt her heart breaking. She could not bear it. The air around her seemed to overwhelm her and she could not see anything. She realised she was crying. It felt as if she bled deep inside. She knew he was not ready to marry, but she could not understand why he was so against it. After all it was just about staying together. Wasn't it? They had seen highs and lows together and she could not understand what would change so much if two people marry and live together. Was it such a big price to pay? She could not believe that he didn't want to be with her after all those moments spent together. She wanted to cry hard, but had to wait till she reached Reva's house. She called her and told her to be there. Crying in public would be inviting more attention and she would not want that, at least not now. Once she reached Reva's house she cried her heart out. 'Oh, he does not love me at all.”
“What made you think he did in the first place?”
“Oh, all those moments I spent with him. What did that mean?” she whimpered.
“Come out of your fool's paradise. You guys were dating. That's about it. He does not want to marry you. What's the big deal about it? Anyways, he is too young to marry. And so are you!”
Maya could not see any logic in what Reva said. The other Maya inside her was terribly upset. Her mother left her. Now this guy also does not want to be with her. She felt even more rejected and cheated. She felt so unwanted. The feeling of being unwanted, even when it is not true, can play havoc with the mind.