SIXTEEN
“I have finished one of your assignments,” she told Vikram when he called her on the phone from Israel where had had gone forsome work. While she was not working regularly for him, she did help him out now and then.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I am fine,enjoying the Dead Sea minerals.”
“That's good. See you when you're back,” she said, putting the phone down. Her heart went weak at the thought of sitting in front of him.
“You are hungry for information!” he had said one day when she was asking too many questions. His gaze burnt her from the inside. She wanted to know everything about him.
“I think I'll stop coming here to work,” she said once, while having lunch with him.
He looked at her, expressionless.
“You won't even ask me why?” she was surprised.
'It's your choice.”
Obviously he didn't want her to go.
Sometimes she found him extremely distant. She wondered if it made any difference to him if she did not work for him.
He wanted to hold her hand and tell her how much she tempted him. He wanted to reignite the fire that was burning since he first kissed her. He wished it would be greatif she could feel the love he had developed for her. Yet he didn't want to force her. He wanted her to understand love so that together they could follow their hearts. He wanted love to pierce her soul. She should be ready to receive love. “I think I have discovered love, true love,” she told him.
His heart twitched. It was difficult. There is nothing like true love because there is nothing like false love either. You are in love and that's that. The biggest mistake people make is to find the so-called true love in someone else. Love is a light and light is within.
It has shades maybe like Betelgeuse, the star that is red and orange in colour, Vega or Sirius which is blue white in colour, though they all look the same to us. It is as much as our eyes are trained to see. There is a need to cross the dimension and open the inner eye to discover the colours of love. It only reflects what we already have within us. It is dependent on our inner self and not the outer stimulants. “What is true love Maya,” his eyes danced sarcastically.
“Well the one that happens once in a lifetime when you find someone special.” Her eyes blinked.
“Maya, love is a state of bliss. It comes from within. When two people come close, there are electromagnetic fields that get connected. There are reactions in the heart that also has its own hormone and sensors which are even more active than brain. The newness generates excitement and that's when people make a huge mistake. They start relating that bliss with the other person. The other person is just a catalyst. His magnetic field helps yours to generate the mental bliss that is addictive. It's like being high on cocaine. It takes you to some other world, some higher realms and then you don't want to come back.Two hearts connect and together it becomes easier for them to decode the universal language of bliss.” “Wow!Isn't that nice?” She smiled with a confused look.
“It sure is till the time the catalyst's effects starts to weaken like any other narcotic. Everything in this world is temporary. Even when you are high on drugs there will come a time when thresholds will rise higher. The brain would refuse to accept the fact that it is dependent on an external stimulus and would ask for more. That's when people cling on to love and start controlling the other person. This ruins it. Love cannot be controlled. It's a flowing river. You cannot change the course. You can just swim along.”
“You mean in a relationship there is no importance of the other person” she frowned.
“Of course there is”, he smiled, “Without the catalyst the chemical reaction would not take place. The idea is however to concentrate on the chemical reaction itself. How do you think a musician manages to keep his interest alive in music? In his case music is his catalyst to achieve the state of bliss and there's always newness in it. Painting is the catalyst for someone who can paint. All these movies, people around you make you think differently about love” he winked at that.
“What is love then after all according to you?” Maya was getting a little impatient now.
“Love is within. You need to reinvent it within yourself every time. It's like meditation. Love simply is. There is nothing true or false about it. It can happen and re-happen for nothing can stop a life force from flowing.. The catalyst can change, but the freshness and simplicity of your being should not. How can a person who himself is searching for love bring it to another? That too, forever, love is not to be given to each other. It is to be discovered together and for individual self at the same time.” Maya was absorbing.
They looked at each other for a while till Maya realised she wanted to talk about herself.
“I don't know what it is, but I met this guy the other day at my college and I thought he is the one.”
“Does he also like you?”
“I don't know. I guess he does. I love him and I feel some times he also loves me.”
“Well, the last time you thought you were in love, you ended up breaking your heart.” He was a little concerned about the sadness in her tone.
“That was puppy love, Vikram. I was a fool to think like that. You know how it is when you are in school and all. I wasn't mature enough then.”
“You think you are now?” He smiled indulgently at her, thinking about the vibrant energy she seemed to radiate “Of course yes, don't you think I am?”
“No, I don't!”
“Come on, I think I'm big enough now. Last time, that was just a crush. I liked the boy and he was honest enough to admit that I am too good for him.” She raised her eyebrows. “He told me that he was not ready to be in any relationship. I felt bad and heartbroken, but I want to give love another chance.” “Sure, you must,” Vikram replied.
“Now this guy I met is very warm and intelligent. He looks nice and I feel I should go ahead and marry him.”
Vikram felt an arrow was being shot against his chest. Was it going to be long till she realises he was her soul mate. He knew that she would have to go through her journey so that her soul is ready for change. He thought he would have to wait. There was no choice either. The law of the spirits did not allow him to make a claim on any other soul. He would have to give her the chance to discover him. Even if it means he would have to go through some more longing. “Are you sure?” he asked her totally aware of her presence.
“I think I am. Anyways, mother wants me to get married now and I have no better person to fall in love with.”
So it was just the beginning of the journey for her. Vikram was aware of the void within her. He knew the kind of pain that could shake one's existence. When one burns with a love that cannot be consummated, it can be hard on oneself.
He wanted to tell her to stop. He knew that she had that light. The light that would lead her to pleasure, but at the same time torment her through the journey. It would force her to go through the pain that not many people around will be able to understand or empathise with. The search for more will absorb her. She was already in a different dimension, but did not realise it as yet. He knew she will naturally endure trials and the fire of longing that he was already burning in. He had to wait. He knew this was the universe's way of teaching her to let go.
“Be sure about whatever you do. Don't repent later.”
“You think I will repent, do you?” her eyes narrowed down.
He took her to one of the canvas and pinned a plain sheet.
“Paint!”
“What?” she asked him surprised.
“Paint anything that this love reminds you of!”
She closed her eyes to visualise. She could not see anything. She dipped the brush in orange paint and painted a line across the sheet.
He wanted to kiss her closed eyes. He wanted to hold her hand and paint the canvas together. She looked at him.
“All I can think of is this orange colour.”
“Orange is the colour of energy, Maya. Your energy is vibrant and ready to take off. Remember one thing. The canvas is always blank. It's ready for any colour, all colours. You need all of them to make a masterpiece.” Her big eyes flickered.
“Close your eyes and think of what this love remind you of,” he said.
She did as told. “A horse, I can see a horse running away from me. It disappears into the white clouds,” she said.
“The horse again represents energy. This energy will touch you. Don't try to tame it. Even if you become sad, do not repent, for this is your decision. Seek and you shall find. Don't give up, little one.”
“Do you think I will repent?” she sensed the concern in his tone.
“I'm just alerting you.”