TWENTY SIX
Maya had learnt by now that the most painful feeling for a human being is to deal with indifference. For, this threatens their existence.
The fact that your existence makes no difference to anyone's life, good or bad, is hard to accept. Though Kartik did apologise for hitting her, she packed her bags and walked out. He was out when she left, so she left a note behind for him.
Dear Kartik,
I loved you very much all this time. Not that I hate you now. This is not the love I dreamt of. You have always been insensitive towards me. I know you think that I forced you to commit to me, but I sincerely feel that you are equally responsible for the state of ruin our lives are now in. The need to find love blinded me, but I wish you had not married me, since you too were not sure.
I realise I also went back on my promises and sometimes lied to you. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I don't know whether it is right or wrong, but my need to be loved supersedes everything I do. I am leaving to find myself again, before I get lost completely. I am not blaming you, for you have been nice to me most of the time. It's just that we are not meant to be together. All I wish is that you could have loved me, even if it was only for once. Good bye and take care.
She imagined him reading it and repenting. She wanted him to feel sad about her. She wanted him to feel as if he had lost something precious, something irreplaceable.
“You must be happy,” she said, when she called Vikram.
“Why?” he asked, his voice as calm as ever.
“You predicted that my marriage wouldn't last. Today, I finally walked out.”
“I didn't say your marriage wouldn't last. I remember telling you to be careful.”
He felt sorry for her. There was much for her to learn, much to cope with. He loved her spontaneity, and the courage to dare and take chances. The courage to make mistakes again and again, the ability to use her sadness as a weapon to find meaning. Her way was a hard one, but she wasn't the one to give up. That fascinated him. It exerted a mysterious magnetic pull towards him.
“I've got a job in Mumbai. I'm going to stay at Aditya's apartment in Mumbai as no one uses it now.”
“How will you manage alone? Why don't you join me?” He wanted her to say yes.
“I would love to, but I want to explore life on my own. I'll manage. Besides I have an old friend there. I don't want to be a burden on you.”
“Who is it?”
“His name is Raghu. In fact, he liked me quite a lot at one point of time.”
“I think we have discussed him. The guy you met in Goa, right?”
“You remember everything!” His memory was razor sharp, unlike hers.
“You should go home to your parents.” He felt jealous at the thought of her moving in with another man.
“No, they won't let me in.”
“They are your parents.”
“Stepmom won't be able to take it!”
“They would get to know anyway.”
“The later the better, actually!”
“Maya, you need to learn to face a situation. Not run away from it. The last time you ran away, you landed in an even worse mess. What makes you sure it won't happen again?”
He desperately wanted to tell her to come to him so that they could find their meaning together. But he chose not to. There was a time and a place for everything.
“What worse can happen?”
Of all the people he knew, only Maya could speak like that.