TWENTY EIGHT
Maya went to Vikram's house the next day. She found his house dimly lit, serene as usual. She was restless, he saw as they sat down.
“I can't live with him anymore.”
“With whom? Kartik?”
“Yes!”
“I thought you had been sure about him.”
“I thought as much, but I was a fool. He did not love me ever.
It was only I who assumed it to be so.”
“Hmmm.”
“I feel so lonely some times. I don't feel loved. I don't know what to do. Life seems to have no meaning.”
“Do you need to be loved so much?” He knew she did and that she was a Wiccan. Wiccans are spiritual souls. They are the pagan angels filled with love for this earth and all human beings. Her soul belonged to the group of Wiccans who need to be loved. She was a lost soul waiting to be united with her own. She had reached the dimension where she realised that she needed to be loved, but could not find the way. Wiccans are in search of the ultimate truth.
“Then find it.” He took her hand and made her sit on the floor. He drew a circle around her with an orange piece of chalk. He placed a lit candle inside the circle. The candle was sending out aromas that seemed to be inducing something akin to a trance.
While they sat there in silence, he wondered about love. It is ironical how important it is for a human being to be loved, but how hard it is to come by. Love enriches the entire existence of a being, yet it is incomplete without the pain. Act of love in itself requires a readiness for both, acceptance as well as letting go without any fear. “What are you doing?” she asked mesmerised.
“I am teaching you to focus on the present.”
“It's not happening, Vikram. It's just not happening. He does not love me.”
“Then find someone who does!”
He held her hand. Tears fell from her eyes, but she felt a strange peace when he touched her. She leaned on his shoulder. They were sitting in the circle. This circle in the world of magic kept all the energy inside. It also did not let any unnecessary energy enter the world of the circle.
“Maya, do you love him?”
“I don't know.”
“Focus on yourself.”
“I can't love him if he does not love me back.”
“Maya, love gives whole heartedly. You sound like a selfish lover.”
“Who said so? I am not selfish!”
He smiled. Vikram liked her bluntness. She was honest and knew her shortcomings. Realising that we all are born as humans and have our shortcomings is also a state of enlightenment. He smiled and pulled her close to him. Her head leaned on his broad chest. She felt as if she had known him forever. It was a moment of bliss. Time stood still.
Vikram kissed her passionately. She lost track of everything around her. She could not resist kissing him back. Their tongues met and intoxication prevailed. The bodies grew weaker and more vulnerable. There was no ego. There was no identity. The atoms merged into each other and diffused warmth from all over. She could not remember how long they kissed. It felt as if he had pumped her soul full with fresh energy. He embraced her with his love and passion.
“Maya, I love you!” He whispered in her ears. At that moment she felt utterly peaceful. She closed her eyes. This was what she wanted.
“You are a wonderful soul, Maya. I wish I could erase all sadness from your heart. I wish you realise how much we are meant to be with each other.”
Maya wanted to hear this. She felt loved in that moment like she had never felt before. Not when she was with Kartik. Not with Raghu. Not when she made love in past. With just one kiss she felt the bliss of togetherness. She felt as if her soul had connected with Vikram. He was talking to her on a different frequency. She did not want this to end. This was how it should be forever.
“Why don't you tell me that you love me, more often,” she whispered.
“That is where the problem lies... We always want more. We forget to focus on the moment. We are more worried about sustaining the moment than enjoying it. We need to be realistic. Love is energy. How can we tame it? We need to give in to the power of love. That is when it will reveal all its glory to us.”
“You mean you don't want me to be there forever.”
“Who said we are for forever. When this life itself is temporary, how can we be forever?” he smiled. “Who said that we can only love one person in this world? Love is like waterfall. It quenches the thirst of whoever seeks water from its banks.”
“The atoms in the universe are all connected and so are our bodies. When the soul leaves a body, it carries with itself psychic memories. It forms a group of souls who are interconnected since they share the same destiny, the same life force, the same universal language and the same set of atoms. It is a misconception that there is only one soul mate who makes life ideal and complete. One can have more than one soul mate and they need not be inclined romantically only. Your mother could be a soul mate. It could be your teacher or your best friend.”
“For me, is it you?” she whispered drunk with his voice.
“May be!” His tone softened. His kiss resumed its intensity.
He kissed her again with even more vigour. He held her close to himself. His palm spread on her back.
After what seemed eternity, they stopped kissing, but they were still gazing at each other. Maya was lost in his dark eyes.
“Is that what a soul mate does to you?” her voice quivered. He smiled.
“It is likely that you can find more than one soul mate, Maya. Sometimes they just come into your life to teach a lesson or two. Their influence is more than a friend or acquaintance will normally have. They would make a significant difference in life. There are soul groups, soul families that keep meeting one another over the journey across all dimensions till we attain the ultimate understanding. The power to live in the moment, learn and absorb them and then the let them go.”
Her eyes were closed and she was lost in a trance. Vikram stood up and blew off the candle that was burning. She sensed him come back in the circle and sit in front of her. She wanted him to touch her, assure her of his presence. The room became dark. There was no trace of light or any movement. Maya became restless again. She did not know what was happening. She wanted to feel that bliss again, but Vikram was sitting away from her. He was in her circle, but suddenly he was too still. He held her hand and kept his palm on hers. “Vikram…”
“Keep quiet,” he responded calmly. Maya felt weird. She knew he was a mystic and did some weird things. Yet she did not understand this one. Bringing her to a state where she would have done anything to reach ecstasy, and then suddenly stop everything, leaving her wondering.
She had come here to discuss her troubled relationship with Kartik. She wanted to believe love again. A love, that seemed to have vanished.
What did Vikram want her to feel? She felt him touch her hand again. She felt relaxed. The thought of the kiss came back to her. She clutched his hand tighter. This was one of the most secure moments she had experienced. Vikram wanted her to realise the lesson on her own. After all, she was his soul mate.
They sat with Vikram holding her hand. Maya felt wonderful. She thought about this man holding her hand. She was surprised she felt so strongly for him. May be he wanted her to realise that it was not the hand, it was the moment. He had led her into the moment, but she was spoiling it herself.
She had to learn to focus, focus on the moment and also on herself. She would have to control her thoughts and be in the moment, completely. Once she was in the moment she would not analyse it because she had given it her best. She had felt like this in life, but lost grip because of her thoughts. She remembered how she parasailed in Goa where she learnt a lesson of life; Facing her fears. She had experienced, though for a few moments, that once you face your fears they cease to exist. She got up and switched on the lights.
Vikram glanced at her and smiled. He was aching to make love to her, but he knew she was not ready in the true sense. Yet he was glad he taught her the first ritual of the circle. When you make a world for yourself, you have to let go of your fears to enjoy the pleasures and energy the world brings in for you.
“Would you love to have a cup of coffee?” Vikram asked with his eyes full of warmth. “By the way this was a beginner's ritual that I learnt in Brazil.”
He wondered how much time she would take to get over the people of this world and cross the bridge of knowledge to realise his love for her. Maya sat there waiting for the coffee and thinking about what just took place between them. She felt as if someone had injected confidence in her. Did Vikram mean what he just said in the circle or was it only a ritual? She felt loved and blessed.
She felt she was complete with this man. He was there whenever she wanted. She was one of the soul mates, maybe.
This is what she was craving for in life. It was right there in front of her, but she was not sure whether it was for her. Doubts started to raise their heads again. Was it for any participant or was it that he said it for her ears only. She wanted to ask him, but was unsure.
There were times when she hated herself for being unsure. It frustrated her. The inability to take a decision, reaching a conclusion, eluded and irritated her. Perhaps she was not daring enough.
The inability to decide stems from a fear of future, a fear of going wrong and a fear of getting hurt. What we fail to realise is that we still will get hurt, no matter what. Taking a chance might just change the course of action. Would she always be a wanderer like this all her life, unable to find an anchor? How much more time did she have to dare and follow her heart?
“By the way, how is that charming woman?” she asked him, sipping the coffee.
“Good!”
“Do you love her?”
“She is my partner, Maya. She and I perform some rituals together.”
“What kind of rituals”
“Rituals of the heart!”
Maya didn't know what was to be deciphered fromthose words.