TWENTY NINE
She carried her luggage and dragged herself to the station. There was a book stall and she thought of picking up a book. She looked around and saw people waiting for the train. So many people were travelling. Someone must be going to get a new job, or going to get married. Someone must be in the midst of some emergency. There must be people going for vacation; different people, different situations.
She again thought about her decision to go to Mumbai. She should at least discuss it with her parents. She went to a nearby booth. She called her father and told him that she had been posted to Mumbai. It had been a sudden decision, she said, but the posting was not for long.
She thought about her own mother. She was sure her mother must also have been lonely at some point of time. But, unlike her mother, she would not give up, she decided. Still, she did not see her mother's suicide as a decision a weak person made. It takes a huge amount of courage to turn off life's working machinery. It takes effort to leave behind unfulfilled desires, broken hopes and dreams.
As the train arrived at the platform people were getting impatient to get in. That's what life too is like, she thought. How impatient we are to get what we want, not realising that the journey could be slow and long.
She looked out of the window as the train started moving. The memories started coming back.
She recalled how she met Raghu D'Souza on one of her office trips. He was a handsome man in his early thirties; a charmer, who would sweep many a women off their feet.
It had gone so horribly wrong though.It was an outbound training in Goa. Maya was fascinated bywater always. The office had booked a free adventure sport session for all the employees.
She had left Kartik and came for this trip just a week before her wedding. She was standing and looking at the waves coming and going. It had never occurred to her that one day she would be back in this city, to live here.
The vastness of the sea made her feel small, insignificant. Vikram used to talk a lot about sea. He had told her about the mysteries the sea bore. The secrets the waves took from this shore and drowned them elsewhere. He had told her that someday he would teach her a ritual on the beach under the moonlight. She wondered what it would be like. Moments with Vikram made her face the truth and the truth did hurt, sometimes. Yet it also seemed to cleanse and purify.
“You aren't trying para sailing?” She turned around to see a tall, handsome man with tanned skin standing next to her. Her heart missed a beat and she felt her cheeks blushing. She hoped he had not noticed her nervous expression. She was caught off guard.
“It's nice. Your colleagues seem to like it.” he continued.
“I'm scared of water,” she said.
“How can anyone stand on the beach and say that?” he laughed. “How can you be scared of water? Do you know the seventy per cent of you is water.”
“Yes, I do!”
“Have you ever tried parasailing?” he asked.
“No.”
“Come with me.” Maya's heart leapt out of her body. As it was she was scared of the water. Then, this man was acting fresh with her.
“I don't want to do it.”
Oh come on. Go for it. Her aching heart took notice.
“Are you scared of dying?” She chose not to answer to that question.
Isn't everyone afraid of dying? Yet ultimately we all will. She wondered why we create so much of fuss about living after all. May be she could have some fun with this man here in this unknown place.
After all, who knows her here?
Feed passion to your soul, her heart said.
“Am I disturbing you?” he asked.
She shook her head in reply.
“What's your name?”
“Call me Raghu!” he winked. Maya looked at him, wondering why he was showing so much interest in her. She found his name rather cute.
“Go parasailing! You'll love it.” He guided her to the man who was giving people their chance at parasailing one by one. She wore the life jacket and got into the boat with Raghu behind her.
She was both excited and scared enough to turn back, but wouldn't that be embarrassing? She was buckled with a parasail which would blow open once she was released in the air, above the sea.
“Get ready,” she heard Raghu saying.
Oh hell, I'm going to die today!
“Don't worry. This will attach you to the parasail which will be connected to the boat.” He pointed at a harness by which she was hooked to a tow rope. He could see that she was very afraid.
“Are you scared?” he asked.
“No, I'm Okay,” she replied, though dizzy with fear.
She stood at the end of the speeding boat in the middle of the sea ready to leap.
“Let go. Leave the rope,” Raghu shouted so that he could be heard over the strong wind. She froze. She just could not let go her hands off the rope.
“No, no, I can't,” she said, almost in tears.
She felt as if her whole body would break into pieces over the water.
“Maya, let go,” she heard Raghu shouting as the attendant who raised her rope pushed her. She felt a jerk. Her heart stopped beating. She thought she was dying. She screamed as hard as she could. In a moment there was only the sound of the wind. Everything else went quiet. She opened her eyes and looked around. She spied the boat below her and her bare feet felt cool. She felt she was like a bird soaring over the sea. She would have been about 500 feet high. She spread her arms and looked up at the sky. The cool breeze felt nice on her face. Then, it was nothing short of exhilaration.
She felt utterly foolish for being afraid. What a loss it would have been if she had not taken the leap, literally. So many times in life we skip an opportunity to follow our hearts only because we are scared of the unknown.
Her feet touched the cold water of the sea. It was at that moment that she learnt to face her fears.
Later that evening she dressed herself in a pair of blue jeans and a frilly red top. Red was a favourite colour with her. Raghu was waiting for her at the beach side table, just where he had met her in afternoon. He saw her slowly walking barefoot towards him. She looked beautiful in the moonlit night.
Something about this girl was mysterious. She fascinated Raghu. As a pilot, he was mostly surrounded by young and beautiful air hostesses, he had seen many a beautiful girl, but this one was different.
Maya could see him waiting for her. She wondered whether such a handsome guy would be without a girlfriend. What was she doing here with him in this unknown place? He pulled a chair for her and sat down opposite her. Maya felt a little uncomfortable the way he looked at her.
“The parasailing was really fun,” she said.
“You liked it?”
“Yes I did. It was really good. I never felt like this in my life. It was amazing.”
He liked the depth in her eyes and imagined her without the red blouse. He gulped.
“What do you do?” he asked her trying to divert his crazy mind.
“I work with a publishing house.”
“Creativity, and all that, huh?”
“Not really!” she said. “For me being creative is to create something. To make something that did not exist already; something that adds value to your existence. Not just sit there and write some two liners to sell cheap underclothing.”
“You sell underclothing,” he chuckled.
“Not really, that was an example,” she laughed.
Think about Kartik. Her mind sent a reminder.
“What would you like to have, young lady?” he asked, unable to take his eyes off her.
“Anything!”
“Uh, anything,” he mimicked naughtily.
For someone who was otherwise confident, Maya felt herself getting nervous. This wasn't the first time she was out for a dinner date. Yet this man was casting a spell on her with his amazingly good looks. She was growing weak in her knees.
“Drink?” he asked her.
Don't have it, Maya, this man looks dangerous.
Go ahead Maya. No one knows you here. Break the rules. Let's see how it feels at the edge.
“A Vodka, may be,” she said.
“Great, I like women who drink Vodka,” he said as he made a sign for the waiter to approach them. They spent next twenty minutes or so talking about regular stuff and sipping their drinks.
When they were through with their drinks, he suggested going for a walk on the beach. As they walked along, she realised the sea really looked quite scary in the dark. For a landlubber from New Delhi like her, it was even scarier.
Its vastness amazed and fascinated her. The point where the light split into seven colours,a magical world. Someday, she told herself, I'll get myself a house facing the sea. Raghu was watching her from the corner of his eye. Inside, he itched to touch her.
“Take my jacket if you're feeling cold,” he said, taking it off.
By the time she said no, he had already draped it around her shoulders. She could smell him in the jacket. There was a palpable tension between them.
“Let's go back. The waves are getting wilder,” he suggested.
“Like you?” Maya asked without thinking. He looked at her with desire. He was doing something to her.
They silently walked back to the table, the tension between them only increased. Maya's palm brushed against his arm and she felt a current passing through her. “You like to read?” she asked, breaking the discomforting silence.
“Yes I do!” Raghu was an avid reader, reading anything from trash to bestsellers, both being the same sometimes! As they sat down and had dinner, the rest of the conversation was about books and authors.
Maya was very impressed with his knowledge, especially since he did not look to be the type.
“Which is your favourite book?” she asked him.
“I have no favourite as such.”
“Hmmm…” she nodded.
“What do you like to do?” he asked her in a flirtatious tone.
“I also like to read,” she said her eyes glittering in the dark.
“What do you like to read?”
“I like to read about philosophy, relationships, life and moments that make me feel alive.”
“Interesting!” There was a pause in the conversation for some time as if both were lost in their own thoughts.
“You don't look like someone whose mission in life is to get married,” he said awkwardly.
It was too sudden a question and Maya didn't know what to say.
“I don't want to. But my parents want me to.”
“You don't look to be the type that will do things at the bidding of others,” he said.
“Well, you're right. But then, I don't think there is any harm either. I have nothing better to do with my life, anyways.”
“Oh, there are loads of things,” he said.
“Well, such as?”
“Like coming parasailing with me or making love,” he said, giving vent to his growing desire.
“Well, I think I'm already in love,” she said, refusing to be lured.
“I doubt it very much. If that was the case you wouldn't have spent so much time with an unknown man,” he said, laying it down bare. “Is your guy eager to marry you?” he continued.
“Not really, actually he did not want to marry,” she laughed.
This conversation was heading in crazy directions, she felt.
“You mean you convinced him?” he raised his eyebrows.
“You mean you are marrying because you have nothing else to do in life and as there is no harm in it,” he giggled even louder this time.
“Are you trying to make fun of me?”
“No, I'm laughing at myself for thinking that I am sitting with someone smart and intelligent!” he said, laughing.
“What a joke! Besides, I think that marriage is an important aspect in everyone's life, especially a woman's.”
“Really?” he said, dismissively.
“What do you do?” Maya tried to divert the conversation.
“I fly,” he winked. “I'm a pilot.”
“You don't have a girlfriend?” she smirked.
“I was seeing this girl, but she would not let me have my way with her. She was so silly. She would just not listen to me. I really tried hard to make her understand. I should have been a little more patient, but she was adamant that we get married soonest. I admit, I was rude with her, even hit her once. I should not have done that. But what the hell! Why don't you women learn to listen?” Maya was shocked.
“How can you speak about it so coolly?” she asked.
“Well, she asked for it, man” he shrugged. “Anyway, let's not talk about it. It's done and over. I came to Goa to get over her.”
There was a pause. How can anyone hit a woman? She would never be with a man more than a second if he would ever hit her, she thought.
“Where do you live?” she asked, wondering what kind of feelings his handsome appearance hid.
“I live in Mumbai. I come here once in a while and stay here with my grandfather. My mother is a Christian and my father a Hindu, that's why I have a name like Raghu D'Souza, you see. My father believes the Hindu way of life is the most correct way of living, but I don't agree. I think it is best to get married to people of one's own religion. My dad got my sister married to a Hindu guy. Poor chick is divorced now,” he giggled.
“What's there to laugh at?”
“I had told her not to marry a Hindu, but to marry someone from our own religion, but she and my dad wouldn't listen. I believe in my own religion. I believe Jesus is the only one who can help us. Even my mom thinks the same, but then we can't argue with my dad. He lost it.”
This guy is turning out to be a fanatic. He was talking like the evangelists do on television.
“I'm feeling sleepy,” she said not wanting to carry the conversation forward any longer. “Let's call it a day.”
As she lay on the bed later that night, she was both attracted to and put off by Raghu's thoughts. It was after lunch that she received a phone call at the lobby of the hotel, where the training session was being held in.
“I just called you to say good afternoon. Have a full meal and take care of yourself,” she heard Raghu's voice at the other end.
“Gosh, why did you call here?”
“To surprise you,you didn't like it.”
“You are unbelievable. Bye!”
She disconnected the phone with a big grin. She thought about this man she barely knew. He was making her feel so special and she for no reason was letting him enter her world so easily. When she went back to her room, she was shocked to find at least a hundred red roses.
“Madam, a gentleman left this for you,” the housekeeping boy said, after she opened the room door. She took the card and another red rose from the tray he brought in. From Raghu with love, the card said.
She was at first irritated by his boldness, but this soon gave way to disbelief. She was at a loss for words. Why was he doing it for her? And why was she letting him do it for her?
Indigo children like her sometimes have a tendency of falling into multiple relationships till they find the one they're looking for; the one that makes them complete. They crave for attention. The other Maya was pulled towards this attention. This is what she wants. The other Maya also had a want for more. She was not content with an average relationship that she shared with Kartik. The need to be loved was much more and it was dangerous. She wanted to feel special and Raghu seemed to make her feel special. The next evening they went for a walk on the beach again. “Maya, I've fallen in love with you,” he said, without warning.
Maya did not know what to say. The other Maya was craving for Raghu while she herself was ashamed that she could even think of another man when she was getting married to Kartik in a week!
Let me give in to him. After all, who would know, Maya thought. She badly wanted him and she decided that after tonight, she would anyway be back in New Delhi. As long as she did not get in touch with Raghu after today, what was the harm?
She was a bit confused too, though. Raghu could see that she was vulnerable, that her mind was wavering. He took her face in his palms and turned her towards him. She followed as if she was hypnotised.
He kissed her. Again, he brushed his lips against hers. He smelled masculine. She had felt a whiff of the same in his jacket. He pulled her closer and her breasts pressed against his hard chest.
He was used to attention from opposite sex. There was no dearth of women. Yet he felt like a puppet with her as her body trembled against his, her mind and body seemed to think opposite. He laid her against the sand and they clung to each other. He pulled off her clothes and there was no one on that part of the beach. He rubbed her breasts with his palms. Her eyes were closed and her ears were listening to the sound of the waves.
She felt his hand touch her sex. She felt a sensation deep inside; the whole of her, wanting him to be one with her. The woman inside her was waiting to unite with him. He wanted to melt inside her. She felt the heat of passion and Raghu did not let it dwindle for a moment. He had to enter her. He wanted her to realise the power of passion. In that moment they were one. He moved inside her with vigour. When their passion was spent they got dressed. Temptation sometimes takes the better off you.
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked him as he later walked her back to the hotel, their energies nearly spent.
“Why did you kiss me back?” he asked smiling.
“This is crazy.”
“I love you, Maya!”
“You need to understand Raghu, that I'm getting married soon. Good night,” she said, suddenly turning away from him and walking briskly towards her hotel, and it surprised her that she did not feel guilty.
In a daze, he kept watching her as she walked away. He couldn't let her go so easily. The passion that she had stirred in him was not going to die just like that. It was after a long time that he had felt strongly for a woman. The thought that she was leaving in the morning robbed him of much of his sleep that night. As for Maya this would be the dark secret buried in her heart forever, in a woman's heart.