CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It took Manda another fifteen minutes just to get the address for Nik’s cabin. Sierra had mentioned that it was near a place called Cold Spring, but that was all she knew.
First she had to dash back up to the flat to find Sierra’s address book. Then once she found it in one of Sierra’s night tables, she had to go through it and start calling the familiar names she saw in there, like Carmen’s. Sometimes only voicemails came on, and the few other people she had managed to reach didn’t know the addres. She finally found the phone number for Nik’s parents and dialed them in Connecticut. She made up a story about following them on the road and getting lost, and that was why she needed it et cetera, et cetera, and his mother was happy to give it to her. Manda ran back down to the car and threw herself inside.
“Got it,” she said.
Noah passed his phone to Manda and while he pulled into traffic, she went online and mapped out the direction to the cabin. Now they were on their way out of Manhattan, and her heart hadn’t stopped racing. She felt like a rubber band stretched to its limits and ready to snap. She looked at Noah, feeling a wave of gratefulness that he had been there.
“Hey,” Noah said, when they had stopped at a light. He lifted her hair back from her face and smiled. “Sierra’s lucky to have a sister like you.”
Manda scowled. “Well, she certainly doesn’t think so, does she?”
“I’m sure she does,” Noah said. “Your sister loves you very much. She talks about you a lot.”
“Yes, I’ve heard her on the radio many times. She broadcasts everything I do to her listeners.”
“I mean when she’s not on the radio,” Noah said. “She told me her one regret about leaving England was that she had to leave you behind.”
“But it didn’t stop her, did it?” Sierra had left with very little warning. She had rang Manda one day to say she was moving to New York, and Manda could have her flat if she wanted it.
Manda went back to studying the directions. According to it, they had another forty minutes drive ahead. Twenty minutes later, she heard Noah clear his throat.
“I think we missed our exit,” he said. “Though I don’t know how.”
“That can’t be right. I’ve been watching carefully,” Manda said.
“I’ve been watching too, but I think the directions may be off.”
“Damn it.” Manda drummed her fingers on the keyboard. “We’ll never get there in time.”
“We’ll be okay,” Noah said.
Manda wanted to scream. Instead, she turned to the window and watched trees fly by. It wasn’t Noah’s fault. If it weren’t for him, she would still be stuck back on Fifth Street. “How’s your foot?” she asked, turning back to him.
Noah glanced down at his foot. “It’s doing great,” he said. “I no longer need the cane, though I’m not quite ready to start jogging again.”
“You jog too? Sierra’s a big fan of jogging.”
“I know.” Noah glanced in his rearview mirror. “We used to run together sometimes.”
Just how close were they? Manda wondered. But she didn’t ask.
They wasted more time having to turn off at the next little town and drive another few miles before finding the entrance to go back on the Palisades Parkway in the opposite direction. Manda realized she had misread part of the directions in the first place. It had been her fault, but Noah brushed it off. Daniel would have at least sent some subtle, well-deserved guilt her way.
The driver on their right was trying to hog his way into their lane, and Noah slowed down to let him in. When another driver tried to do the same, he let him in too.
“Can you drive faster?” she asked him.
“I could, but there are a lot of cops along this route. The last thing we need is to get pulled over.”
“Well, everybody’s passing us,” Manda said. “At least let’s keep up with them.” Blimey, he was going along like an old woman on a Sunday drive through the countryside.
Noah sped up. “Is that better?”
“Much.”
They had been going along at this pace for about ten minutes, when a police car appeared behind them out of nowhere. The car flashed its lights.
“Uh-oh, they’re signaling for us to pull over,” Noah said. He slowed the car and pulled off to the roadside.
“Auuuu,” Manda howled. They were so close. They didn’t have time to waste.
Noah rolled down the window and gave the officer a friendly greeting. The officer only squinted back at him and demanded to see his license. He told them they had been going 90 in a 60-mile zone. That was way over the speed limit. He wiped the sweat from his shaved head, took the license and walked back to his car. Ten minutes later, he still hadn’t come back.
“What’s taking him so bleeding long?” Manda peered out the back window at the police car.
“I have no idea,” Noah said calmly. “He’s probably running a standard background check. They do that whenever they pull anyone over. But you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“Nothing to worry about? My sister’s life is at stake,” Manda said, shaking her head at him.
“You can’t be absolutely certain she’s in danger. Things may not be as bad as you think.”
Manda gave him a steady, Dead-Eyed-Dick look and turned back around to watch through the window. Noah slipped a CD into the drive and the moaning, sleep-inducing strains of Enya filled the car. Manda tried to resist the soothing pull of the music. She knew Noah had chosen this one on purpose. He wanted her to lay back, close her eyes and let everything go. But she wasn’t having it. This was not the time to get all serene and one-with-the-universe.
After an eternity had passed, the officer came back to the car. “I thought I recognized you,” he said, handing Noah back his license through the window. “You’re Noah Kato, the guy who gives people faith-lifts. My wife’s always quoting from your book.”
“Really? That’s great to hear.”
“Yeah, small world. I’ll tell you what. I won’t give you a ticket this time. My wife would never forgive me.”
“Thanks, officer. I really appreciate that.”
“Are you holding any seminars anytime soon? I’d love to take her.”
“Well, I’ll be-.”
“For goodness’ sake, can’t you see we’re in a hurry?” Manda leaned over Noah and glared up at the officer.
“Manda, calm down.” Noah put his hand on her knee.
“How can I? My sister’s in trouble.”
“What kind of trouble is that, Ma’am?” the officer asked, peering past Noah at her, his thick brows furrowed.
“Well, my sister….” How could she explain things to him without having him call for backup to cart her off to the madhouse?
“We don’t know if she’s actually in trouble,” Noah jumped in. “She’s in a cabin nearby and we just wanted to make sure she’s okay. That’s why we were hurrying.”
“Oh.” The officer straightened up. “Anyhow, we’re in the area if you need help. But watch the speed. The next cop might not be so nice.”
“Certainly, Sir.” Noah rolled up the window as the officer walked back to his car. They pulled back onto the road and drove off.
“We’ve lost twenty more minutes,” Manda said, studying her watch.
“That’s why I wanted to avoid speeding,” Noah said.
Manda glared at him. “Rub it in, go ahead.”
Noah sighed. “Manda, I’m just trying to help you. I care about you.”
“Really? Did you care about Sierra when you slept with her?” Where did that come from?
Noah flinched, but he kept his eyes on the road. She could tell he was thinking of the most diplomatic thing to say.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that,” she told him.
She saw his Adam’s apple go down, then back up as he swallowed. “She told you,” he said. “Manda, it was a long time ago.”
“I said don’t answer it.”
“No, I think we should talk about it.”
“Please. I’d rather not,” Manda said. Then, “Did you love her?”
“I was attracted to her, but that was it.”
“How attracted?” She hated hearing the jealousy in her own voice.
“How attracted? I don’t know. Fairly…attracted.” He cleared his throat.
“Are you still attracted to her?” Why couldn’t she stop her tongue? Was she just trying to distract herself from what lay ahead?
“No, I’m not,” Noah answered. “As I said, it was a long time ago and it lasted for ten minutes. But I understand why it would make you uncomfortable-.”
“I’m not uncomfortable. I was just curious. But let’s just drop it. I’ve got more important things to think about right now.”
Noah nodded. His shoulders relaxed and he drew in a deep breath.
Five minutes later, they arrived at the road that led to Nik’s cabin.
The cabin stood on a wide green lawn at the top of a long driveway that wound upwards away from the main road. It was a small cabin, made of wood the color of matchsticks. Nik’s car was parked in a clearing beside it. Manda got out of Noah’s car and hurried up the three wooden steps that led onto the screened-in front porch. She knocked, but behind the door there was only silence. She tried the knob and was relieved to find the door unlocked.
“Sierra,” she called out through the door. “Are you here?” She stepped inside the cabin and tiptoed around. There was a little kitchen off the living room, and a bedroom down the hall. Both Sierra and Nik’s weekend bags sat on top of the quilted bedspread, but it looked as if nothing had been unpacked. It seemed like they had literally dropped their things and went out. She could imagine Nik coaxing Sierra to go for a walk. And she knew where that walk would lead.
“They’re not in the cabin,” Manda said to Noah as she came back outside. “You stay here in case they come back. I’ll go look around.”
“Manda,” Noah said, tugging at her shirtsleeve as she was about to start down the porch steps. “Listen. I’m sorry about what happened in the car…and about Sierra. Maybe I should’ve told you.”
“Noah, it’s alright. It doesn’t matter now.”
“It matters to me,” he said, touching her face, rooting her in place with his gaze. “I’m falling in love with you.”
Manda swallowed. “You are? Huh.”
He drew her close and kissed her. It took nearly all of her strength to pull herself away from him.
“Noah,” she said, giving him a steady look. “I-.” There was so much she wanted to say, but there was no time. She had to find Sierra. “Wait here.”
Manda leaped down the porch steps and ran around the cabin, her legs almost buckling under her like a newborn colt. And there it was rising before her. The forest she had seen in her visions, spread away at the back of the cabin. Manda plunged into it without hesitating. She strained her ears and listened for voices.
“Sierra, where are you?” she called out. She hurried through the forest, jumping over exposed roots and ducking under low-hanging branches. She had no idea where she was going. The forest was dark and shadowy, but unlike in the gully leading to Dar’s house, this time it wasn’t the dark she feared. All she cared about was saving Sierra. The words Save Sierra echoed over and over in her mind.
Images flashed through her mind as she ran. Nik pushing Sierra. Sierra falling backwards. Save Sierra. Her heart raced. She said a prayer under her breath. Daniel said prayer could move mountains. She had prayed after he left, but it hadn’t moved his feet back in her direction. He had left her to face life without him.
Something stirred at the root of a tree ahead of her. Manda glanced over there and came to an abrupt stop when she saw it. There it was again. That bloody old woman. She stood by the short stump of a tree, in that same blue frock, with her matted gray hair dangling like seaweed over her face.
“Bleeding hell, not now.” Manda said. “Not here.”
As the old woman’s dark, empty eyes bore into Manda’s, she felt her body weakening with fear. She leaned forward with her hands on her knees. You’re not there. You’re not there. You’re not… She looked back up. The old woman was there, and it didn’t seem like she was going anywhere this time. What does she want? Manda thought to herself. Who was this woman anyway, if it wasn’t Dar? But who else would want to get her attention this way? What was it Papa Gord had said to do? Her mind span.
“Speak to her,” Manda whispered to herself. Papa Gord had said she should speak to the ghost. She had thought it was a ridiculous suggestion at the time, but now...
“Please,” she said out loud, looking at the ghost. “I need to know. Who are you? And is there…is there something you’re trying to tell me?”
The old woman only held her gaze.
“What do you want from me?” Manda shouted at her. She gripped her hair in frustration. “You’re driving me crazy, can’t you see that? Is that what you want? To see me pulling my hair out by the roots.” She looked at the broken strands in her palm. Some black hairs, mixed in with a couple gray ones. Gray ones.
“That’s it,” she said softly as a realization hit her. She stood up straighter. “You’re not a ghost, are you? Or not exactly.” She was certain she understood now. It seemed like whenever this apparition appeared, she had been thinking about the future. A future in which she was growing old alone, the very thing she feared more than anything else in the world. A horrible, ugly future in which she had failed to find love, and had lost anyone who had ever meant anything to her.
“I know who you are,” she said to the old woman, feeling bolder now. She walked slowly towards her. “You’re me, aren’t you? That’s it. You’re me. You’re my future, or…or what I might become if I keep going this way.” The more she talked, the closer she moved to the vision, the more she understood. This must have been what the Obeah man in Brooklyn had meant when he said her duppy was following her. Now she was standing face-to-face with it.
“If I stop trusting anyone and let myself become hardened and bitter.” She really understood now. This is the future she would be creating for herself. This would be the woman who would look back at her in the mirror one day. Manda studied this future vision of herself – the pursed lips, the thick hair that had turned into gray matted dreadlocks, and the dark, empty eyes with that tiny blue ring around the right iris.
“I can’t let this happen,” she said. “Do you hear me? I will never let myself become you. So you might as well go away. She shoved at the image, but felt only air. It had vanished at her touch, like a soap-water bubble.
“It’s gone,” she whispered. “My, gosh, it’s really gone.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
In the sudden quiet, she could hear the faintest voices coming from ahead of her in the distance. Manda ran towards the sound. As she moved forward, she finally made out the distinct voices of Nik and Sierra. They were arguing. Sierra was alive. There was still time. She ran faster.
As she neared the wall of trees where the forest ended, Manda could see them standing near the edge of a cliff, against the same gray sky she had seen in her visions, with its tiny patches of blue. Sierra was crying, her face buried in her hands. On her head was the familiar white scarf covered in butterflies. She hadn’t even been wearing it when she left the flat.
“So that’s it?” Manda heard Nik say. “You’re not gonna change your mind?”
“I can’t,” Sierra moaned.
“Sierra, you’re not being reasonable. We discussed this before. You knew how I felt.”
“And you knew how I felt,” Sierra bawled at him. “I don’t care, I’m not changing my mind.”
“Alright, then, what choice do I have?” Nik stepped forward quickly, his arms raised out to Sierra.
“No!” Manda screamed. She ran out of the woods and barreled towards them. Sierra lowered her hands from her face, just as Nik dropped his arms and spun around, stunned.
“Manda? What…?” Sierra started to say.
“No,” Manda said again, as she charged at Nik, slapping at him. “I saw you. I saw you.”
Nik tried to duck away from her slaps.
“Manda, stop it.” Sierra grabbed at her arms.
“No.” Manda turned to Sierra. “He was about to push you. I saw him this time.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Nik said. His voice had risen to a high octave.
“What were you doing then?”
“I was just reaching out to hug her. That’s all.” Nik held her wrists tight.
“Liar,” Manda barked at him, trying to pull free. “I know what I saw.”
“You didn’t see anything,” Nik said, pushing her away from him. “Because I didn’t do anything.”
“Right. Just like you didn’t do anything to poor Stacey. How did she drown, Nik?”
From the look of surprise on Nik’s face, she knew she had hit her mark. “Stacey? How…” he stammered.
“What does Stacey have to do with this?” Sierra said, her face paranoid. “She’s dead.”
“Answer me, Nik,” Manda said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really? You don’t?” Manda eyed him incredulously. She turned to Sierra. “Stacey, his old girlfriend. She was found drowned in her pool. Nik was there. He said it was an accident, but Carmen…” Manda paused to catch her breath. “Carmen never believed his story-.”
“Oh, my…” Nik rubbed his face and cursed. “Carmen wasn’t even there. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“And that’s not all, is it Nik?” Manda said. She looked at Sierra, who had her eyes fixed on Nik. “Stacey was pregnant.”
“No, she wasn’t,” Nik said, in a shaky voice.
“She told Carmen she was. But Nik didn’t want kids. Then suddenly she ends up dead.”
“What? Do you think I had anything to do with it?” Nik squinted at her. “She was drunk. She fell in the pool. It was an accident.”
Sierra’s eyes toaded out of their sockets. She looked at Nik, and her arms fell to her sides.
“Of course you’d say that,” Manda said to him. “And now Sierra’s pregnant, and you don’t want her baby either.”
“So what?” Nik said, his voice near hysteria. “That doesn’t mean I’m a murderer.”
“Then why did you drag Sierra all the way up here?”
“To talk,” he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. “To talk.”
“Who are you going to believe this time?” Manda said to Sierra. “Me or him?”
Sierra stared back and forth between them, a confused look on her face. But then as she always did, she chose Nik’s side.
“Manda, Nik would never hurt me. Not like that.”
“What happened to you?” Manda said. “There was a time when you would never let any old bloke come between us. What happened?”
Sierra didn’t answer.
“I didn’t make this up, Sierra. Why would I?”
“Because you’re jealous.” Sierra had found her voice again. “You lost your own fiancé, and now you’re jealous of us. That’s it.”
“Sierra, don’t be daft. That isn’t one bit true.”
“Yes it is. You’re just like Mum,” she fumed. “You both can’t ever admit you’re not perfect.”
“What? What does she have to do with this?”
“Nothing. She has nothing to do with this. And I want nothing to do with you.”
“You don’t mean that. Sierra, I’m your sister-.”
“Half-sister.” Sierra spat the words at Manda.
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
Sierra stared at her. “You’ve always wanted to know why I left England the way I did. Well, I’ll tell you. I wanted to get away from this two-faced family of ours, especially our wonderful mother.”
“What…”
“Dad…Bertram…he isn’t my father.”
“Why are saying this? He is your father,” Manda squeezed the words out of her tight thoat.
“No, he’s not,” Sierra said. “Mum was pregnant for someone else when she married him.”
“But…”
“It’s true.” Sierra nodded. “For the longest time Mum made Bertram think he was my father. But then he found out the truth three years ago – why do you think he left her? And then he finally told me the truth himself, because he said when he died, he didn’t want to take that secret to his grave. I wish he hadn’t told me.” Tears streamed down Sierra’s cheeks and she wiped them away.
“I don’t understand-.”
“And at first when I confronted Mum about it, she said Bertram was just trying to turn me against her. But then she admitted it. She said my real dad was some bloke named Cecil, an old boyfriend of hers.”
Cecil. Manda covered her face with her hands. She remembered Papa Gord had mentioned that name, and how their mother had been fickle with men.
“I didn’t want to speak to either of them again for what they did,” Sierra continued. “And Mum was always treating me like I was such a bad example for you, when all along she was no saint. But it’s true. Bertram is not my father, and we’re only half-sisters. And now I don’t want anything to do with the bloody lot of you.”
For the first time in their lives, Manda slapped Sierra across the face. The world seemed to come to a sudden, screeching halt as they stood there looking at each other in stunned silence. Sierra raised a hand to her cheek, her eyes full of pain.
“I…I…” Manda said. She reached a hand towards Sierra. She had just wanted to hold her, to tell her how truly sorry she was for everything. But in that instant, Sierra stepped back as if she thought Manda was going to slap her again. She tripped on a rock and stumbled backwards. And just like in the vision, Sierra flailed her arms, trying to stop herself from falling. Manda let out a shout and grabbed at Sierra. Startled birds rose up from nearby branches and took to the sky. Nik’s hand shot by Manda, as he tried to grab Sierra too. Below them, the river burbled by like a pot that had reached a boil.