Where did my Life go?
I must have sat under that Carob tree for three weeks, it could have been four or five, how long, I really don’t know; and the weather must have been pleasant, for if not, I probably would have remembered. I was thinking and pondering on all that went on and happened in those days while I was face to face with the Lord. For it was not often that He didn’t sit, or stand, teaching and expounding the things of God, and being young and dumb, I understood little. But thru the decades of assessment of this-orthat, and the things taught, I slowly began to catch the meanings of much of what was said. For back then, my head were filled with idleness, and at times laziness in hearing His words, but Jesus remained stable and steadfast concerning the words and deeds of God. What a beautiful experience it was being with Him.
On this particular day I awoke from what seemed to be sleep, but who knows, it could have been an abstraction, and looking towards the setting sun, I could make out a shimmering herd of various beasts of different kinds, crawling creatures were near my feet, and a small swarm of flying insects pestered my head. I had been asleep for hours, maybe days, for my body was rested and my hunger was great, and had some sense of revelation about what all my life was meant for. And could now see that all that had happened, and that that I’d done was for a reason, a purpose; for I was being groomed to carry forth God’s Word and His Presence throughout the travels that were also destined for me; or was it just for my personal knowledge?
It came to me, as I methodically rose from my vantage point that everything has a purpose, a point; a point that works together for those that just plain and simply love the Lord, and now that I’ve learned how, I do.
This day, or maybe I should say evening, was one of those special days that one receives just before an event happens, a feeling, a perception, and whether it be pleasant or not so agreeable to my flesh, only the coming hours will tell. As I looked across the narrow valley, I watched as the shimmers of the last heat escaped from the hot sand and sparse grass beneath it, the sun in its final stages of the day, but I was listening, awaiting instructions. Across the valley and probably on this side of the adjacent mountain, I heard a roar, with its deep reverberations echoing several times as it bounce from one hill to another and evidently back again. A sound that was unfamiliar to me, but by the low pitch, could easily tell that I was thankful that whatever made those sounds wasn’t any closer.
It got me to thinking; why in this world would I now, at this old age of my life, be scared? Why would I spend even a minute in fear, even if I were still young it shouldn’t matter, and at my age, knowing that God is my provider, any fear made no sense to me? Then as my concern subsided, I noticed it to be just another reminder of how much I’ve allowed my flesh to control.
Jesus had told me many decades ago, after His resurrection, that when I was young, I could gird myself and go where I wanted, but when I become old, I will stretch forth my hands, and another will gird me and carry me where I do not wish to go. I knew this to be true, but had no understanding of what it actually meant, and on this particular day studied to make sense of it. And as the sky turned from aqua-blue to an orange/red, I continued watching this mass of animals and creeping varmints do what I guess they do best, survive, the sound of the roar still ringing thru my head; I sat quietly, listening for that familiar Voice that always comforts me. Before Gods’ voice was heard, I became completely relaxed and no longer gave thought to the latter event, but instead chuckled at myself for how much of the past I allowed to remain. Having accumulated no wood for a fire, and the soon-to-be night becoming cool, I hurried about to make the nights’ provisions, but in my continued tranquil demeanor.
Again, it got me to thinking; how could I waste so much of my life fretting over the selfish wants of the flesh, the lesser things of life, and not have focused on that which is true and forever? This wasn’t a bad feeling, no, not by a long shot, but instead very comical, even to the point that I laughed out-loud. Not just me, but virtually everyone pursues the silliness of this life, giving little thought to our real Life, that which, God has placed inside with abundance. Our natural life is a stopping place, a place for preparedness, important to a point but temporal in every aspect, and it seems that our addiction to it, this world, has caused many to stray from the complete peace and joy that each was created for. How much more silly could we have been? But I too continued to struggle with these issues from time-to-time.
These pests that earlier buzzed my head, or the stingy creatures crawling on my feet, are but reminders that tribulation, the true and real kind, are but what makes us grow, or defeats us again back to where we already are. Everything is but an opportunity, a privilege, a subtle notice to remind us that the world is enmity to God, therefore, also us, and that which lies ahead for those that follow the Spirit could be much worst, or better, whichever the case may be, but darn-well worth the journey He gives us.
On more than several occasions Jesus spoke about fire. Now fire can kill and do great damage, and many fear its existence, but on the other hand; fire is used to create life, and for that matter, save life. I’ve seen fields ablaze to great heights with fire, and heard many moan about its course, but in almost every instance the grasses and brush return in greater abundance. But when Jesus spoke about being tried as with fire, I now realize that that is a virtuous thing. And to purify gold, it must be tried by fire three times before reaching its purity, and worthy to have value. Therefore, when tribulations come our way, fire, one can do as I did in my youth, deny; but now we are the children of God, and trials are sent our way as preparations, as uneasy events to bring those that seek Him, to become rearranged for His use.
Troubles are not necessarily happenstance, but sent by God to purify us to be fit for His use, and should be welcomed as a privilege. If all things work together for good to those that love the Lord; then does not tribulations fall under the category of things, therefore being good? Of course; then unlike my past, they should be treated as a blessing, of which it is. Most of my life was spent groaning over stuff that wouldn’t even be remembered the next generation forward, and because of my immaturity, I’d belly-ache to anyone that would listen; I speak this to my shame.
The benefits of trials and tribulations can far exceed those that this world calls a blessing, and should be received in that sense, for what the world calls ‘good’, can bring one involved in it, to a temporary ecstatic state, and is short-lived; but to the children of God, we can receive each and every affair, whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’ as a course to travel by looking only at God. The moaning and groaning then fade into space.
Jesus told us that; he that is persecuted for His sake, is happy, and again, to rejoice in your many trials and tribulations, and again, to bless our enemy, pray for him, and to prepare a meal for him. Does this, the things the world call ‘bad’, sound like troubles; only on the outside of mans’ flesh, for inwardly we are His children and being readied for His service?
In Antioch, I once heard Paul say that his flesh was as filthy rags, and that he counted it gain to be persecuted.
Anyway, as I sat looking at the zillion stars cross the night sky, this was what was on my mind, and on more than a few occasions caught myself talking to them about this matter.