Now it is dawn on me how much I've missed. Shameful and painful, though I accept the blame. What have I ever wanted that He never provided? Nothing actually, I was just not contented.
How do you feel when you lose something worth dying for or something that gives you unspeakable joy? You feel tattered and disastrous, isn't it? You feel so unhappy, sad, full of regret, and never wish talking about it. Same was how I felt when I was lost from Him.
Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another village. He worked in a carpenter's shop until He was thirty. Three years He was an itinerant preacher.
He never owned a home. He never wrote about. He never held an office. He never had a family. He never went to the college other than being an apprentice at the carpenter's shop. He never put His foot inside a big city like New York or Washington. He never travelled 500 miles from the place He was born. He never did one of the things that usually accompany greatness. He had no credentials worth calling His, but Himself... so everytime He spoke I always thought He was inferior.
So true is the saying: 'you do not know what you've got until you've lost it'.
One faithful day, He approached me. He looked humble, gentle, meek, and seems humiliated. He looked to me as one whose right has been messed up with or abused by a bully. He actually looked stupid in appearance. It didn't took time before I concluded that He was a beggar, so I put my hand into my pocket and pointed a few cash at Him then He rejected it. 'What do you want Mr. man?' I yelled at Him.
He seems too calm for my liking, so I got angry and walked out on Him, even before He said a word. After a little while, I looked behind me, behold He followed me. Then I approached Him, 'can I help you?' I asked. 'I only want to be a friend' He answered. A friend?' I laughed out. 'And what qualify you to make such a request? Who are you? What have you got? Where do you hail from? You don't seem to be in the right place. May be you should come back another time when I have the time for jokes' I continued. I was a bit embarrassed at such a request. I'm I the calibre He ought to ask such a question, I'm I that lenient to accommodate rags?
'He doesn't fit me. Why would He make such a request from me? Why not others?' I had a second thought. 'Let me find out' I concluded.
I returned to the same spot I left Him. He was sitted there helpless. 'Don't you have a friend?' I asked cautiously. 'It's a very long story' He replied, 'would you be my friend, please?' He asked pitifully. 'I will' I replied with pity. He was glad, He leaped for joy, like I just gave him a million bucks. He embraced me and said 'finally you have become my friend' He gave a deep breathe. I imagined how long He has been seeking a friend.
Now I got a new friend. So who is He and why did He insist on being my friend? I was so curious to know. Is it to help me solve an academic problem, lead me to a pasture of gold, or just become a burden? I wanted to get o the end of it.
Day after day, He amazes me with different manner of things. Every minute He makes a visit in and out of my heart's very beat. He kept me in wonder. How caring He is! I was expecting Him make request and burdensome attitudes, but reverse was the case. I was looking for the destination, I wanted to know His mission, yet the daily experience were unspeakable and remarkable.
I first noticed his footsteps in a lush, green pasture and decided to see where they headed. He then began to make promises. He promised me a whole territory, a big beautiful mansion, life and all sought at the end. They were all abstract to me, I wanted them immediately.
I onced asked Him where we were heading to, but He said I should just follow, that very soon we would get there. He asked me to always consider three things about Him as we journey together: 'HIS WORDS', 'HIS WORKS', and 'HIS WAYS'. He says that those three things were His virtues. He made me promise to Him that I wouldn't disappoint Him, which I did reluctantly. Things were changing suddenly, I couldn't say exactly, but I am no longer what I used to be.
One very day, He said words like this: 'Promise me that you would do all I do, no turning to the right or to the left from the way I go, and you would not depart from whatever things I ask of you. Even when I say enter that pit, leave the gold, pick the sword, drop the diamond, or when I say abandon me and run; promise me you would not argue nor doubt.' I was out of words not knowing what to say. the next thought that ran across my mind was 'who is this Man?'
Then I noticed that the very reason for insisting on friendship was how much He loved me. But His cost seems expensive. Why would I leave the gold that I have ever longed for or jump into the pit, or run and abandon me? Is He a robber? I became skeptical, but I continued still. 'Let me get to the root of this' I thought. He always told me stories, lots of interesting ones about some kind of beings I have never imagined ever exist, beings He said have wings, clean and powerful. 'How would He ever imagine such? It's absurd and impossible' I thought, though the stories were touching. I never kne that His absurdity surpasses my sagacity, and His debility is more energetic than my solidity. My journey with Him became sceptic. He was caring, loving, generous, clever, wise, and had all the good qualities I never expected He could possess, but it was just not enough, where are the riches, the gold, the money and the greatness/pride?
He never told me what was ahead, be it gold or silver or otherwise. It wasn't long before the trail made a sharp turn and headed up a steep path. The journey has continued across beautiful terrain, and some rather difficult places. Thankfully there have always been places along the way to rest beside refreshing waters.
He said to me as I journey along, 'you see my dear friend, the terrain is not all beautiful just as the clouds aren't all white, only the challenges along the way makes us fit. If you keep grazing in green pastures too long, you will become a bored, fat spectator rather than a strong, fit follower'. I followed silently like a child whose tear gland had ceased work, I kept enduring.
It was one of those places beside the refreshing waters I rested one faithful day to take a nap.
'Wake up, Wake up!' The voice said. I opened my eyes wide only to see a stranger. 'Who are you?' I asked. 'I am sent' the reply came, 'sent from who to who?' 'To you Of course' the conversation continued. 'I never remember Him describing you in any of His stories. He never even mentioned that He would send anyone.
Besides where is He?' I asked. 'He continued alone as He saw that you were too weak and tired to move n with Him' the stranger answered.
I was just beginning to get along and fall in love with Him. How could He do this to me? Is this an illusion? Numerous thoughts ran across my heart as I felt disappointed with the one I though had loved me. But why did He do this to me? I never could explain.
I felt like dying. Is that all He could He has to do and just abandon me? I thought He was nice and honest. He couldn't wait a little while and bade goodbye, not even a note...to bad of Him. I thought He was a friend. 'Tragedy!!!' I exclaimed. It took a long time before I could recover from the thoughts of depression that overwhelmed me.
I almost forgot that the stranger was still around. 'shall we continue?' the stranger motioned, 'NO!!' an immediate reply from my heart through my mouth, 'it's of no essence' I continued, 'why should I continue, when the one I thought I could trust have failed me, how come I would trust you either? I concluded.
I turned back like making a U-turn. My silent inward desires for riches and greatness sprung up. I began to feel hatred and discontentment. I never knew the way but I kept moving. I've never felt like that before.
I began to see many cherishable things. Silver and brass were uncountable on that way, Gold and diamond were there as well though not as numerous as I wanted. No rules, no principle, no consideration, nor control, not even a step to follow. I pictured how glorious and full of wealth the end would be.
If wishes were horses, even beggars would have a ride.
After a while, I saw a big city down my path. The outskirt of the city was a wilderness. I thought: 'the city must be full of gold than the path'. I entered into the city without hesitating.
To my surprise, the first person I met in the city was 'the stranger' that broke the bad news to me earlier. 'Here you are? How come you got here before me?' I asked. 'Well, I know the way you didn't and besides my master already provided a better a way for my journey when he sent me to you' the stranger replied.
'So where is he? Where is your master? I want to see him and at least thank him for all the treasures I picked up on the way and at least ask for a little more' I asked as I thought I was going to meet my old friend there.
'No problem about that' he replied. He took me to his master. What I saw there was not what I expected. I didn't see anyone like the old friend I knew. No kind welcome, instead horrorful accusation.
'You stole my treasures!' the bold voice of the master yelled, 'Open your hands and bag' he ordered. I became speechless like a dumb fowl. The size of his guards is all enough to scare me off. I wished all I had taken would disappear all at once before the mighty guards come any closer, but that never happened. They saw I had taken on the way; the gold, the diamond, the silver, and all the treasure I had taken, even the little things I had received from my old friend were all taken from me. I had no word of defence. It was the beginning of anguish and suffering. As the African adage says 'Eni nwa ifa nwa ofo' which means 'He who seeks inordinate gain seeks loss'.
Suddenly he pronounced his judgement: 'Take this stranger to the wilderness of death and must be killed the next market day, which is seven days from now'. 'Let the ground swallow me up now' I pleaded in my heart.
tears roll down my eyes profusely non-stopping till I was left in the wilderness. 'What next now?' I asked myself, and the reply was 'death!' ... 'where could my friend be?' I thought. I knew it was already late to plead innocent. I got dawn on me that I had been deceived by the stranger. Had I know, I would have waited a minute more before taking the U-turn. I lost it all. I lost Him. I lost the gold. I lost the silver. I lost the brass and diamond. And finally, I had lost the precious virtues.