Light Life Red by Yoo - HTML preview

16

The further away we get from the jungle the less tense I feel. I relax my fists. I

hear Bo and Cro laughing behind me. As long as I never see her again I don’t care

what those lunatics are on about. I throw the black stone Gnome gave me into

the air and catch it again as I walk ahead.

“Where did you get that obsidian?” Bo asks.

“The Trunks gave it to me to open gates or something.”

“Oh, he’s going to see some trippy shit” Cro laughs.

“What do you mean?

“Obsidian is used for scrying” Bo explains.

“And that is?” I look back and raise my eyebrow.

“It is used to see into the future and bring hidden things to the light” he tries

again.

“They explained something like that. Luckily where we’re going it won’t work on

me.” Wait what am I saying? How do I even know that?

“I got a pink rhodonite stone with black oxides” Bo shows me the stone dangling

around his neck.

“What’s it for?” I ask.

“It restores a sense of equilibrium without stifling the release processes” he

explains.

“Still finding your balance?” I ask mockingly.

“Bro, do you have any idea how much stress is created when your dreams are

suppressed? It completely fucks up your soul structure and you can end up like?

Like you!” he points to me.

“Fuck you Bo” I zap him.

“What did you get Cro?” I ask pointing to his stone with banded pinks and reds.

“Cro is addicted to sex” Bo laughs.

“Fuck off Bo” Cro pushes him aside. “Rhodochrosite blends energies where there

is disruption due to emotional stress” Cro explains.

“Shitty self-confidence creates tension in the stomach and pelvic areas, especially

issues revolving around sex” Bo adds, because he likes being the biggest asshole.

The cloud cover starts appearing overhead.

I see a building in the distance, but I can’t make out what it is. We must be getting

closer to Light City.

“Well, would you look at that? Bo laughs pointing to the building. “I didn’t think

I’d ever see that place again.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“It’s a prison” he says. Come to think about it, I’ve never seen a prison in the city

before, now I know why.

“I’ve always wondered where they put you crazy motherfuckers when they find

you” I yell to the back.

“The same place they put everything that’s not neatly stencilled in, in a cage to be

tamed, muzzled or killed!” Bo yells back. “They even hide the fucking prisons in

the middle of nowhere so they’re not an eye-sore, then they stamp a permanent

sentence on your forehead if you break their rules, just to remind you and

everyone else about your ‘bad-blood’” he says disgusted.

“What do they do to the infected?” I ask and look at his wrist. I can still see a scar.

“They restrain you, so you don’t kill yourself” he says and lifts his wrists for me to

see.

“I managed to escape before I chewed through my own wrist” he says

nonchalantly. His wrists are tattooed with bear prints now.

“What happened?” I ask. “They took me from the military base after I started

showing signs of restlessness and insomnia. Once you’re in quarantine things start

getting intense very quickly. I think being confined made The Urge intensify. It

came in waves. I would be calm and then suddenly lose my shit and start raging.

Then the dreams started, and I stopped sleeping altogether. The dreams became

hallucinations and shit went south from there. I started hallucinating about trees,

birds and the jungle. The itching drove me crazy. I tried to dig a fucking hole in the

floor to get out. Oh, and I chewed off all my nails” he shows me his scarred nail

beds. “Then I started pulling out my hair. All of it, everywhere. They didn’t do

anything. I just wanted to get out of there and I didn’t care if it meant dying.

When I started chewing my wrist they came in to sedate me. I locked them in and

escaped. They left me for dead in the desert. I just kept following The Urge and it

led me to jungle.”

“No wonder citizens are so scared of The Urge! If I saw a hairless bloody maniac

eating himself alive I’d freak out too” I confess.

“What’s your story Jet? How did the city spark your fire?” Bo asks.

“Started drinking in high school, never looked back since. In the dark most of the

time, felt more at peace underneath the ocean than in the city. Talk of the devil…”

I point towards the horizon. Light City illuminates the darkened clouds overhead.

Clouds like an oppressive weight above the city, trying to get their attention but

they just light them up with more distractions.

We arrive in the city and people move away from us like we are inferior and dirty.

We look different. They all look the same. They don’t have time to stop though.

They stare or give dirty looks as they rush past. There is always somewhere to be

or something to do in Light City.

“They all look like dolls. Are their contours stenciled in?” Cro laughs.

“Yes” I say embarrassed, like I represent them somehow. Everybody is focused on

their Palmers, on the maps of their lives, the irony. I look at my palms, they seem

special now, like they’re uniqueness must make them meaningful.

“What the fuck? Check this place out?” Cro freaks out as we move up the ladder

and the dancing hologram of Sky-Lo start flirting with him. “Wow, the first Light

Being!” Cro stares in awe as Sky-Lo winks at him.

I look around and I am momentarily enticed by the shimmers objects and pretty

holograms dancing around the buildings. I also thought I was happy. The cheap

thrills kept me mildly satisfied for such a long time that I thought that it was

normal. People holding on to the idea of happiness but not sure what it feels like.

Likes and follows like shots of dopamine that lead to nothing but addictions to

approval.

“The new society was built on suppression of The Urge and to find meaning they

ended up chasing the feeling of self-worth through status and recognition” Bo

says and pulls Cro away from the hologram.

“I must say some of this shit is fucking awesome!” Cro continues to freak out as

we pass the fast food stops.

“They seem really creative to me?” he says impressed.

“The creators of the ‘New World’ are guided by Sky-Lo to fulfill needs and create

new needs within the city” I explain.

“I’d like to meet these creators, they’re fucking geniuses” he says as he drools at

the holograms posing in lingerie.

“The creators are obviously the wealthiest among the citizens and they are the

ones that make choices for society” I add.

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t let these zombies make any choices either” Bo says with a

look of disgust at the people swarming past him in autopilot.

“They take life so seriously” Cro laughs at the intense news headline. I don’t

blame them, I’d be afraid if I was enslaved by the system too.

I turn and read; “Male oracle fucks Whore!”

“Angry robots prefer the comforts of slavery.”

“What the fuck?” I say in disbelief, squint and look closer.

Now it read ‘Water shortages in the East cause uprisings’ and ‘Working class get

salary increases.”

“The system they created to simplify their lives has enslaved them and stripped

them of their survival instincts. A slave mentality would become enslaved by

anything, even their savior, technology” Bo says unimpressed.

“The illusion of freedom” I mutter as I try to take everything in.

“I don’t know what they thought would happen if you implanted fear into the

minds of creators? Their fear of hell made them create it. After all, that’s what

creators do” Bo rants at the back.

The magic feels so far away now.

“Do you see this? They’re completely disconnected from nature, their needs and

each other!” Bo continues. I’m still taking in all the busy clones.

“Jet, do you see how their detachment from nature is destroying their bodies and

Her Body? For what? For profit and recognition” Bo turns my shoulder.

“Children born in this system cannot make their own decisions and are bred to be

working class consumers. The rare few who think for themselves become

producers. Uncertainty is scary and in a world of statistics and insurance policies,

there is little room for magic” Bo falls silent.

We reach my apartment. I don’t have a Palmer, so I enter with voice recognition

and security questions. The lights flicker when we enter.

“Welcome home Jet, you have multiple new messages from Colin and all

necessary updates have been made during your absence” Myho updates me.

“Wow, a robotic wife” Cro laughs.

“Taking it to the next level I see” Bo says as he goes straight to the kitchen to eat.

I lost my appetite and just sit on the couch. The clouds are darker, and I feel short

of breath. I need space.

“In an insecure world, confidence is king!” Cro sings as he scrolls through the

menu.

“No, that’s cocaine” Bo interrupts.

“Okay wait, anti-depressants?” Cro asks.

“That’s obvious, depression” Bo says.

“Sleeping pills?” Cro laughs.

“Fuck Cro for insomnia, you suck at this game” Bo laughs too.

“Hey Jet, material possessions?” Bo yells to me.

“Sense of worth” I whisper to myself.

“Do you even know what they put in here?” Cro frowns while inspecting the food.

“Who cares? It tastes good” I scowl and get up and go to the kitchen.

“What’s up with you?” Cro asks after taking a bite, and frowns when he tastes the

food.

“Additives” Bo laughs.

“You should be grateful” I say angrily.

“Ah, he doesn’t feel Amphi anymore” Bo gleams at me, “I know the feeling” he

puts the food aside.

“Why the fuck would you say that?” I slam my fists on the counter.

“Amphi is feeling the same pain bro, she is germinating too. She really likes you,

but she was driven by her desires. Everyone has their thing, she’s driven by desire,

that’s her thing” Bo sounds genuinely sympathetic.

“Yeah, typical of you to start caring after you fucked her!” I feel like breaking his

face.

“We all feel pain, but it’s how we use the feeling that determines the results. Do

you use it to heal or to destroy yourself and the world around you?” Cro tries to

relieve the tension.

“Fuck her and fuck you too, I’m going out” I turn and walk to the bathroom.

“Sleep over there and get out first thing in the morning” I point to the couches in

the lounge.

The door slides shut behind me. I lean over the basin and try to hold down the

tears. I look up and see my reflection in the mirror for the first time since I left. I

touch my face and then the reflection in the mirror. I look like Yoo.

“Shave off hair. Number two” I command as the tears dam up underneath my

eyelids. The light scans my scalp. A part of me wants to step out of range but the

image of Amphi on top of Boarian flashes into my mind. I stand firm as the light

scans my head and the dreads start dropping to the floor. I am short of breath as I

struggle to hold down the heartache. My hands rest on the dresser and my back

crouches over.

“Play music. High Volume” I command Myho. The music starts and drowns out my

crying. I need to get out of here. I walk over to the latest trends drawer and feel

overwhelmed with all the new updates to my wardrobe. I scan through a few

options, but it makes me feel nauseous. I select favorites. Black bulca leather.

Long sleeve straight cut black cotton shirt. Navy blue head scarf tucked into the

grey, short fur jacket I grab on the way out.

“Animals” I whisper to myself.

“Make sure you are out by the time I get back” I yell as I place my hand on the

Nigredo pad, but quickly pull it away and turn to check if they saw. They didn’t.

“Call Condor” I command, and the car starts as I enter the display room.

“Once the guests leave they are no longer welcome. Secure home” I instruct

Myho as I climb into the Condor. “It’s Jet, let’s go” I authorize manual drive and

the platform lowers to ground level.

The streets are busier than usual. It must be the start of a new shift. I drive to the

nearest strip club. I order my usual whiskey on the rocks and watch a woman

dance. The alcohol is strong and takes my breath away, but I drink it anyway. I call

a girl for a lap dance. I sip my whiskey. It numbs my mouth. She takes the glass

from my hands and steps over my legs. She puts my hands on her ass and sways

her hips. She has a red lace thong on. Red reminds me of her. The girl rubs her

breasts in front of my face. My mind starts to wander. I feel nothing.

“Bodies are just chemical factories that need to be upgraded” I hear my father’s

voice.

I don’t know how long she danced. I wasn’t there.

“You want to see my pussy?” she whispers while rubbing my hand on her breast. I

snap back. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck is this? I lift her off me

and kiss her on her forehead.

A bouncer follows me out. I haven’t paid. I feel tension in my back and shoulders.

I’m about to fight.

“Become aware of how you react under pressure or in fearful situations and

consciously change your approach” I hear Yoo’s voice.

The bouncer pushes me, and I step back. People crowd around us and start

recording on their Palmers. I turn around and walk away.

I scan the crowd around us to find a way out. They all look animated. I feel light-

headed. They start screaming out “I am not enough! I am not enough!” I feel sick.

“Come here!” the bouncer yells, but I’m too nauseous to respond.

Everything was just a dream. “It’s not real Jet” I say to myself and try to push

through the crowd. The sadness returns, and I hear someone yell “Coward!”

“You could stay stuck in this depression or you can follow The Urge” I hear Yoo’s

voice again.

I run to a bin and puke. The alcohol burns my throat.

What the fuck is the point of all this? People selling their souls for money and a

false sense of security? So, what happens after you get all those things that were

supposed to make you happy and you figure out that it merely made the void

bigger because now, not even all these things can satisfy you? Then you give

yourself over to self-destructive behavior because you secretly wish that the

suffering will end quicker, and that you won’t die comfortably numb in an old age

home.

You get what you are. I puke again. Everything is fake. I spit the remaining vomit

out of my mouth. On the one side you numb the pain with mild pleasures to make

all your responsibilities feel worthwhile, and on the other side you have complete

disregard of self and your body, wait, what is it called? Oh yeah, YOLO.

The crowd starts to leave. They look disgusted. They have places to be. Their

dependence on the system for all their needs has carved a look of desperation on

the one side of their faces. The Urge for freedom that they have managed to keep

contained, but under the designer clothes and rejuvenation treatments that make

everything look “alright” is a suffering soul, or no soul at all.

“Are you happy?” I ask a random lady as she glares at me. She walks away quickly.

“Are you happy?” I turn a man by his shoulder. He shrugs me off and walks away.

“Are you a-fucking-live?” I yell out loud. If you aren’t happy at least get angry, at

least do something! I turn to a guy “Are you angry?” The guy just looks at me. I

wave my hand in front of his face. “Is any of this shit even real?”

“You look like you just got out of hell” they guy says and steps back nervously.

“Yeah, where you eat but are never satisfied, drink but stay thirsty and work until

death” I mutter to myself as I walk away.

A balloon appears in my hand and lifts me out of my body. I’m floating around like

an astronaut hovering over the city and it feels like I’m seeing it for the first time.

There is a key in my hand. I float upwards and the city looks like a portal to a

different world. As I float higher different layers of potential realities start forming

over it. It’s like I’m looking through a keyhole of potentiality and I have the key

that opens all the doors. I hold down my tears and the rage comes up and pops

the balloon. I fall into the portal and back into my body. The rage is still with me

but gives way to compassion. I breathe deeply, and the tears start flowing. They

are unaware of the suffering that they have created for themselves.

“Changing how you perceive yourself and the world and coming to terms with

your true power will set you on the course to your destiny” Undine’s words replay

in my mind.

I don’t have to stay here. I can step into another state of being by going through

another door. By entering a different state of mind.

I hear the cop sirens. Somebody must have complained. Public disturbance. Public

fucking disturbance! I run to the Condor.

“You have everything you need, right? Why are you freaking out like this?” I ask

myself. I’m talking to myself again. Maybe if I take a hit of Nigredo all this shit will

go away? I can’t believe I’m even considering this.

“You have to remove the weeds that continually spring up to enable your true self

to grow into your highest potential. To do this you need to tear our parts of

yourself that no longer serve your highest good” replays in my head.

“It’s Jet, connect to Myho” I command. “Tell guests to wait for my return” I

command the house.

“They have already left Jet.”

I drive faster and see them getting onto the platform to catch the skytrain. I stop

the Condor.

“Go home” I instruct and run to the platform at the bottom of the building. I catch

the train just before it closes.

The skytrain has a sleek, neat interior with ample room for expanded Palmer use

so employees can boost productivity by working in transit. I take a seat at the

window. The advertisement hologram waves in front of my face to get my

attention. I swipe to remove it. I hold down my tears and close my eyes to not

draw any attention. I feel vulnerable, and I don’t want anybody to see. After all,

emotions are kept under control in Light City.

Suppressed creative expression, numbed by routine, fueled by stimulants and

driven by recognition. I can’t unsee what I saw. I start crying.

The skytrain glides up the spirals as it circles the building and stops at the

platform where I last saw them. Please be there, please be there. The door opens,

and they walk straight into me. They start laughing.

“Are you drunk or heading home already?” Cro jokes.

“I want you to tell the Trunks that I’m going” I gasp.

“You’re going to what?” Cro asks.

“I’m going to trust my gut” I wipe the tears from my eyes. They both laugh and

give me a tap on the back.

“Looks like we’re on the wrong train then?” Cro smiles.

“Looks like you’re going to give me one of your groovy head scarves” Bo pulls on

my scarf, “we’re going to need it where we’re going.”

“So, you guys are coming with?” I ask excited.

“I would prefer another color” Cro jokes.

I take that as a yes.

Maybe we prefer to keep our heads in the clouds, so we don’t need to see what’s

going on around us. Maybe we don’t want to see that there is nowhere else to

climb to. Maybe space is the only escape for the prison we created for ourselves.

Comfort zones are never as comfortable as they seem once you grow out of them.

Thank Yoo