The Past
Hunter age eighteen
Isabel age seventeen
We stand in the heavy rain on their porch before Tyler lets Hero and me in. Tyler beams at us. “You have pizza.”
“And DVDs,” Hero says, lifting the plastic bag full movies up. “You wanna watch dinosaurs eating people or zombies eating people?”
“Hmm. Dinosaurs eating people,” Tyler says, taking the pizza boxes from me.
“Good. Jurassic Park is the shit,” Hero adds, following him into the living room.
“Where’s Isabel?” I ask, shrugging off my jacket and unlacing my wet boots.
“She’s in her room,” Tyler says, sitting next to Hero on the couch with a slice of pizza in his hands. “She doesn’t leave her room much.” He makes a face as if considering something. “She doesn’t leave her room at all, actually.”
“Shit,” I mutter, scrubbing a hand down my face. It’s been two weeks since her mother’s death. While I didn’t think she would miraculously move on and be happy with her life, I didn’t think she would put it on pause either.
I grab a slice of cheese pizza and put it on a paper plate, glancing at Tyler. At least he looks like he’s surviving. He seems okay. Tyler smiles a lot when he’s around Hero. They seem to enclose their selves in a protective bubble when they’re around each other that nothing else can penetrate. Just orbiting around one another seems to be enough for Hero and Tyler. I wish it were enough for Isabel and me.
Walking to the fridge, I grab a cold bottle of water and make my way to her room. I knock on the door twice. She doesn’t answer, so I reach down and twist the knob, letting myself inside. She’s curled in a small ball in her bed, wrapped in a ton of sheets. “I have food and water.”
She continues to lie there unresponsive and unmoving. I set the pizza and water down on her nightstand and lift the sheets back to climb in bed with her. Isabel doesn’t have any clothes on. She’s only in her underwear and I feel myself harden immediately at the sight of her black bra and matching panties. I silently curse my dick for being so careless, but once I see her breasts and long legs, I can’t help but get hard.
I physically move her to me, but she doesn’t fight me. I lay her head on my chest as I encircle my arms around her, kissing the top of her head.
“It’ll be alright, Isabel,” I whisper in her ear.
She turns on her stomach in my embrace, so we’re face-to-face. She stares into my eyes, and I can’t place her expression because it’s vacant and blank like those creepy porcelain dolls. “You’re a shitty liar, Hunter.”
I frown at her. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Why? Who cares if I curse? Who cares if I’m good or bad? Who cares if I lived or died? No one cares anymore. My parents are dead.”
I give her a squeeze and touch her cheek. “You’re wrong. I care.”
“You don’t care,” she replies in a flat tone that burns my ears. “You hate me.”
She sucks in a sharp breath when I tighten my grip around her. “I don’t hate you, Isabel. I never hated you. You know that.”
“I don’t know that. Why are you here? To torture me some more? You might as well put a bullet in my brain and be satisfied because I’m as good as dead already.”
I grit my teeth in frustration. Isabel is so far gone now. Maybe I’m too late. My only option is to scare her shitless, maybe then she’ll wake the hell up. I curl my fingers around her precious throat and begin to squeeze, cutting off her airflow. “You want to die? Fine. You don’t have to wait a moment longer.” I add more pressure and her glossy eyes widen. “I’ll kill you myself. You’re life is now my life. You don’t want it, so why should I? But…if you fight, if you have any struggle left inside of you, I’ll let go. If you don’t, then I’ll continue to strangle you until you choke on your last breath.”
She makes horrible gagging noises, spluttering on salvia and trapped air, but she doesn’t fight, not in the way I want her to. She fights against her instincts to fight back. Isabel doesn’t do anything but hang limply while I hold her by the throat.
Her glistening tears fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks, dripping from her chin. I drag her closer by her neck and begin to lick at the wet salty trails on her face. “I know you want to live. I can taste it in your tears.” I close my fingers tighter around her throat, feeling her pulse jump wildly and erratically under my fingertips and her vocal cords constrict.
I’m angry with her.
I’m angry with myself.
I’m angry that I can’t be with the girl that I loved since I was seven and saw her swinging on the tire swing under the willow tree. “Fight me.” My voice is hoarse and raw and sadden with pain I wish wasn’t there.
Fight me she does.
Her nails claw at my firm hand. I instantly release her.
Isabel gives me an accusing glare as she clutches her throat with both hands. “You were going to kill me.”
I shrug, flexing my wounded fist. She scratched the skin right off my hand. “Maybe.” Standing, I fling the paper plate on the bed and then the bottled water. “You won’t ever have a chance to destroy yourself. I’m going to tear you apart first before you can. I’m going to live to break you down, Isabel. Now eat you fucking pizza and drink you water.”
She obeys, twisting the cap off the bottle and chugging the water. Isabel squeezes the empty bottle, crushing the plastic in her hand. She looks up at me with huge green-brown eyes that say so much.
“I guess you want me to leave,” I say, walking towards her room door, feeling like I’ve lost my only love in this world.
“Stay and hold me.”
I halt in my tracks and take a deep breath. My heart is thundering so loud that I’m sure she can hear it. “What?” My voice is a whisper and nothing more.
She’s reluctant to repeat herself, but she does. “Stay and hold me for a little while. Please.”
My head bows and I shut my eyes. I heard her the first time. I just needed to hear her say it again.
I open my eyes and turn to face her, but with every step I take towards Isabel, I feel myself shedding into this new shady and sinister Hunter. But the absolute scariest part is, I don’t mind being him, not if it’s going to keep Isabel around.
She lies back against my chest and I hold her close, as if she might change her mind and run from me. “It’s too late. You can’t run from me. Ever Isabel.”
I didn’t know that I spoken the words out loud until she speaks. “I’m not going anywhere, Hunter. You have me.”
My arms give her a little squeeze and we both settle into one another like we’ve done many times before. She falls asleep on me. Before I give into sleep, I whisper in her ear. “Yeah. I do have you. Never forget that, Isabel.”