The Crazy Helpdesk by Tanja Peikert - HTML preview

PLEASE NOTE: This is an HTML preview only and some elements such as links or page numbers may be incorrect.
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.

The kids reacted very annoyed, but very polite. The boy threw his still tiny arms a bit

helplessly up and down, gesturing in the air like a little butterfly and responded:

“So sorry Sir! You were never in here, so we thought we could use it.”

Maurice, musing on this, finally realised they must be right and thus might as well stay there and continue to play and told them so. He had woken up On their pleased thanks

and now, in the deepest recesses of his mind, he could still feel them playing.

To his contentment, he found Hilde already seated in her office, as if waiting for him.

“Hi Maurice,” she said happily. What marvellous computer stories would he tell her

now? If only their users would let them... Maurice was positively glowing! He must

have such a good one today. Maybe several. Hilde had slept well too, dreaming of

being in her garden, gardening and collecting herbs for some super recipe she’d

devised.

“Hilde, yesterday evening I surfed, and I discovered a lot of goodies. I wanted to show

you. By the way do you know Mrko Mrnsk broke his arm?”

“No, how?”

“He was surfing on Internet, and then he flew into a jump page, which was advertising about how to configure a Microsoft server so that it worked well. That frightened him

so much that he fell off his surfboard and crashed on the taskbar.”

- 297 -

index-298_1.jpg

The Crazy HelpDesk

Hilde laughed. Maurice had a lot of humour.

 Hilde finds everything Maurice does or says fantastic, even his sometimes

dubious humour.  But Maurice, oblivious to my remark, continued on his trend:

“In fact I don’t know how he broke his arm, but I saw him passing by in the Watson & Crick building, with his arm in a plaster.”

“At least he will be able type with one hand only then. That will slow him down

developing nonsense for the House.”

Maurice grinned broadly: “You’re right. It’s like Holger, you know the guy, he got a

bump on the back of his head because he opened a new window on internet and there

was a women with brains on it. He got such a fright that he lost balance and fell down

on the floor. This guy has no balls.” Maurice just loved to say such things about other

men.

He opened ‘My Computer’ and found the drive where he kept all sorts of useful little

software for himself and his team. How he loved to feed it in order to help MOU XII

and his colleagues! It was Freeware, mostly, though of course Maurice could have cracked all the codes.

Would they be able to have some peace? Oh how they both hoped to remain

undisturbed doing it. But of course someone did interrupt. But it wasn’t a user. It was a little boy. Maurice first thought it was Sven’s son, and said so to Hilde, but she realised he was not. And even if he was cute enough to advertise, she so wished that Maurice

could go on with his story. Maurice too seemed perplex:

“What’s your name,” he asked the boy with a friendly but solemn face.

“Mikki.”

Maurice turned to Hilde: “Sven’s son?”

Mikki shook his head: “No me it’s Mikki with 2K.”

“2K? Really? Mikki. Listen. We have work to do, will you help us?”

Mikki nodded solemnly.

“We would need some quiet. Could you go and keep guard at the door for us?”

Mikki nodded again and went to the door, which he half closed behind him. And there

he stood, half hidden by the pane. One could almost see him carrying a little shield,

like the McAfee Anti Virus Shield.

Any user who would call now would immediately be put into quarantine.

Hilde giggled and felt a bit guilty. Maurice grinned with sympathy and turned to Hilde:

“Now! Look! This will be great for our users!”

- 298 -

index-299_1.png

The Crazy HelpDesk

They cuddled together like two children in a tree house, finally allowed to play.

Digital Sender

“You know our digital sender?”

Hilde nodded: “Of course; but explain it again to our users.”

“The digital sender is a wonder machine, a mixture between Scanner, Fax and

Photocopy machine. Imagine you do not possess a document in PC format, but only

have a printed version of it, but you want to sent it to some colleagues. You just put the stack of papers onto the Digital Sender, and he will convert it to a readable PDF format and send it to yourself by Email. You can than forward it!”

Acrobat PDF

at http://www.adobe.com/

“Yes but with the Digital Sender the PDF the ‘Portable Document Format’ will be in

‘poor’ format, not ‘rich’. You can’t copy or paste from a PDF in poor format. I mean, if the PDF document is of a rich format, you can copy the text from it by simply selecting

it, and then paste it into Word. You just have to remember that you have to click on the in the Acrobat toolbar to enable the ‘Select Text’’ function. If you can select

something that means the PDF is in rich format. You can then copy the selection and

paste in into Word to work on it. But if you cannot select anything, this means the PDF

is in ‘poor’ format, and this is the case of documents produced by the Digital Sender.

Anyway, we don’t even have the licence for the Acrobat Writer, it’s much to expensive

to give to everyone.”

But Maurice smiled mysteriously, promising much:

Optical Character Recognition

at http://www.abbyy.com/

“You’re right, but remember about ABBY, the Fine Reader, whom I told you about on

page 195?

Hilde nodded with emphasis:

“Abby can convert PDF documents into word, images and text, all of it. It’s called

OCR for Optical Character Recognition”

“Explain again.”

“Remember that trainee, Angela Recluta?”

Hilde nodded with some relief, this trainee had left a few weeks before.

“The perfect trainee. She had of course managed to loose her final report. She hadn’t

put it on her network place, had overwritten it on her hard disk, lost the diskette where she had saved it on too. But she still had the last printed version of it. I passed the stack

- 299 -

index-300_1.png

index-300_2.jpg

index-300_3.jpg

index-300_4.jpg

The Crazy HelpDesk

of papers through the digital sender, saved the attached Email on my hard disk, and

then had Abby read it and convert into Word. Pictures and text and all.”

“That’s magic! Wow, this will save other lives too!”

She felt so reassured. Maurice was so reassuring, always having a solution for

everything.

“Ready for the next move?”

Hilde smiled and nodded pleasantly. What story would tell her now?

Image editors

“As you know Mrko Mrnsk has only given us a very drab little software to view the

pictures we like, holidays, travels and so. Plain ‘Paint’ in Accessories only. But this not adequate in what regards work. No way to adapt a pic with what we have, no way to

resize even. Ok we might have the very excellent Paint Shop Pro, but that’s much to

expensive to give to everyone too.”

“So Ok I found a very nice Freeware, that means absolutely free, for our users to use.”

“Tell me now.”

“IRFANVIEW, at http://www.irfanview.com/ . It lets you View, Convert and Resize Images, and it’s free.”

“Resizing is great. Very often you get the picture in a just enormous format, sort of

unusable.”

“Yes, with IrfanView you just open the picture and then choose ‘Image - Resize’

and then reduce the size. You can choose the standard

dimensions, like 640 x 460 pixels, or 800 x 600 pixels. If you

use Wight and Height to adapt the size don’t forget to click on

‘Set new size as percentage of the original’. Otherwise you

won’t keep the right proportions and the picture might be

distorted.”

Hilde was happy, she sure would give this Irfanview to her

users.

“Anyway you have a lot of options. Look here we have Arthur rotated, flipped and

resized.”

“Ah it’s Arthur! I too always think he looked like the little Prince.”

“It’s because he disappeared on another planet.”

He flipped the image again.

Hilde felt like flipping horizontally too. This was great for her users! That’s the way IT

people like it. Picturesque.

“And if you use the command ‘File - Save as’ you can also convert it to the most

common picture formats, like *.gif or better *.jpg.

- 300 -

index-301_1.png

index-301_2.png

index-301_3.png

The Crazy HelpDesk

“Where did you find the Little Prince?”

“On http://galeb.etf.bg.ac.yu/mp/. It’s multilingual.”

“How Cute. How did you snap just his head?”

“I used MWSNAP, also Freeware, to be found on

http://www.mirekw.com/

Just great. MWSnap is a small yet powerful Windows

program for snapping (capturing) images from selected

parts of the screen. Current version is capable of capturing

the whole desktop, a highlighted window, an active menu,

or a fixed or free rectangular part of the screen. You click

on the options below, then click ‘Snap any area’ and

define the area you want to snap. Then you copy it from

MWSnap and paste it into Word for instance.”

“Seems great, yes.” Hilde, as often, felt that Maurice was

an utterly generous man. At this moment she would

gladly have snapped him to.

“Gwendoline can make her manuals with that. She can

capture portions of the screen and paste the images in her

manual.”

I Myself agree with Maurice, I used MWSnap all over in this ‘manual’, it’s a

marvellous useful helpful little thing.

Audio editors

Maurice nodded:

“But wait, I have even better, for recording music and conversations and all. Like

MUSICMATCH, but that’s Shareware. Means you pay a bit. It is an digital-music

management tool that rips, mixes, burns, organizes, plays music, and lets you Super

Tag album and artist information to your MP3s. You can find it on:

http://www.musicmatch.com/. “But that’s not for our users maybe. You know that they prefer to work and would feel guilty if they were playing around.”

- 301 -

index-302_1.png

The Crazy HelpDesk

“Oh but users should play around as much as they want. One learns a lot by playing.

Look at children. Why should this stop once we ‘grow up’? I found Shareware for this

too. TOTALRECORDER on HighCriteria. For instance I can record music on the Internet

with it, and then save it as a MP3 format. Of course I’m not allowed too...”

“Don’t cry. The musical companies are loaded with money.”

“And what do you use to listen to all this Music?”

“I just use the WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER, it’s quite ok. It comes free with Windows

anyway. But I know many people like to use WINAMP. Winamp lets you listen to the

biggest choice of formats I believe.”

Burn a CD

“And how to you assemble all this music then?”

“I use NERO, to burn a CD. Nero writes data to CD-R and CD-RW discs. Readable or re-writeable. You can make data CDs and Audio CDs with it, or simply copy a CD.

You can find it on http://www.ahead.de/en/index.html.”

Of course Hilde knew all this too, but it was just to hear Maurice talk, he was singing

again now, something which sounded like Travis, ‘Follow the Light’. She was almost

right, it was Travis, but ‘Flowers in the Window’ Maurice now clicked on. Maurice

smelled of those French candies again, ‘Violettes’ and he presented her with one.

Download sites

“Where do you like to get your

software from?”

“I download it from Tucows, on

http://www.tucows.com.

Hilde liked that too, but of course

there were more download sites like:

Winplanet at

http://www.winplanet.com/

ZDnet at http://www.zdnet.com/

C|net at

http://www.download.com/

and http://www.emule-project.net/

“Go to a site, surf, find what you like

 choose to Download

- 302 -

The Crazy HelpDesk

 choose to save it in a folder you’ve made for that intent

 open the folder

 and double-click on it to install itt.

“Great. Let’s see what more we can find, and download some more.”

They cuddled together closer and surfed on the download sites to find what was new

there. She found him so good-looking and had he been an ugly little dwarf she couldn’t

have cared less. Though if she thought it over, she suddenly felt sure dwarfs were not

ugly at all. Why ever she had changed her mind about that lately, she couldn’t say.

Maurice smiled:

“On Tucows and its consorts you can find everything you want, even true love, if you

only look for it well. But anyway, Tucows might have been gone the moment I’ll leave

this office.” His eyes took a mysterious look now: “But wait until I show you what I

found for us. The previous was just to be soft on our users. Now I’ll show you what we

ourselves can bring into play. I’ll make you see stars!”

And he carried on enumerating myriads of newly discovered software for her.

IP tools, Wireless Networking, Trace Route Utilities, Modem Sharing, LAN

Messengers, Time synchronizers, User management tools & and many others.

Hilde’s mind prickled with pleasure. His words make her skin prickle. Ambiences like

in Winamp or Media Player; water, windmill, ocean mist, fire storm, brightspere, dance

of circles, cottonstar, drinkdeap, eletriarnation, event horizon, illuminator,

kaleidovision, lotus and ‘I see the truth’ ran all through her body. They stepped into the Word Wide Net, forgetting everything else. Peer to peer they clicked, scrolled,

browsed, surfed, searched, found paused, chatted, touched, fingered, traced, pinged, it

was a wonderful excursion. Hilde literally saw pixels. A pixel is the basic unit of programmable colour on a computer display or in a computer image, and she saw 16

millions of them, each in a different colour. All those agile applets had found the way

to her sixth sense. She had always felt magically attracted by the IT world, now she

was automagically caught in its web. And she cared about every single technical detail

of the execution. That’s the way we computer people do it. Not that drab, messy

missionary stuff common mortals practice. No this was highly exciting, pure www, in

billions of positions.

The phone finally rang. Nine-thirty and they hadn’t been disturbed once. It was a

miracle.

“The little boy did his job well,” said Maurice. ”I shall go and thank him.”

He went to the door and opened it wide, but Mikki was gone.

Maurice stood there a bit stupidly, his box of ‘ Violettes’ in his hand. He felt a bit guilty, sort of exploiting a child like that, and then not. Had he not let him play in his own secret garden? Him and his little girl friend? And he could still sense them there,

- 303 -

The Crazy HelpDesk

they had not gone.

 It was Jakinda on the phone, with her routine question:

“Hilde, ma Belle, I keep forgetting this, but you remember that when I write a new

email and click on the ‘To’ field to open the Address Book with my personal contacts I

never see it.”

“Find your Address Book in the mail folders, right-click on it, choose Properties, then

Outlook Address Book and then ‘Show this folder as an Email address book’,” said

Hilde rather amused, “But the next time you forget this you must dance three times

around the desk.”

The trouble was that the settings of this function were placed on the PC, not the Server, and thus when the user changed PC, because he had changed to another workgroup and

thus office, he had to repeat the manoeuvre. And Jakinda had certainly phoned her for

that question over twenty times…

“It’s not your fault anyway Dear,” said Hilde. “It’s the Chaos.”

Then a trainee appeared in Hilde’s office and demanded that Hilde install her

CorelDraw, Acrobat Writer and Paint Shop Pro 8 for her, at home she had used it too,

and if she didn’t, it would have a terrible impact on a very vital report she was writing and on Science itself. When Hilde had refused, saying it was not in the standard

configuration and much too expensive to give to everyone, she had literally refused to

leave her office, until Hilde followed her to her own, doing what she said. Hilde had to have her removed by Maurice and Sven. But the girl had a point, if one thought of the

fun Hilde and Maurice had had this morning.

A second trainee followed complaining that she couldn’t listen to music on her PC:

“But I can’t even listen to the little music samples of the songs on Amazon! Every PC

has music!”

“It’s because many of this streaming video or audio uses RealPlayer. The House has

closed a certain number of ports, and RealPlayer typically uses port 80.”

The girl didn’t thank her for the information. However, again she had a point. Why

indeed should every PC in the world have music, except the PC’s at the House?

Hilde sighed; maybe her early morning meeting with Maurice would simply stay

wishful thinking.

 It’s lunchtime

However they both met for lunch again, vividly discussing grid computing.

- 304 -

The Crazy HelpDesk

A Bowl of Milk

Keira was completely disorientated. Had all of this really happened? She felt she would

never be sure. The report. With a deadline suddenly put to the next morning. Her

despair. Allan’s despair. Then the happy outcome with a but.

Was she getting nuts too? What a strange dream. So strangely real. Almost an

hallucination. Or vision. There were stories going around the House about other people

having them too. But she had seen one. Worse. She had seen two of them. Well or

dreamt them very clearly. And she’d not been drunk, au contraire, she had not eaten anything since yesterday morning, and not drunk since yesterday evening, not even

water? Though this too could lead to hallucinations, like for those who see a mirage in

the desert.

There had been two of them. At the far end of her office, in the corner. A male and a

female. How could she call the female version?

Was there a word for it? Or had they not realised that she had been watching them?

Maybe seeing such beings was not a psychological sickness, but a rare gift. Keira was

Irish and thus had some experience with kobolds, trolls, dwarfs and leprechauns.

Education is very useful but maybe it made one see things which were not there. And

why was Allan not here too, she missed his warm if shy presence. His cute sensitive

little nose, lively brown eyes, quick movements.

But worse than the thought she might be going mad was the possibility that that what

she was seeing could be the true. And two of them! No, this wasn’t the worst. What

made her frozen with fright was the thought of her report (about ‘Natural against

conventional Healing’) not even being half way through. Over 200 pages remained to

do, to puzzle together using Kaleidoscope and Elements 112. And then she had heard

herself whisper, a very loud whisper: HELP ME. She didn’t really know if she was

referring to the report or to her sanity. Both were obviously at stake.

At the HELP ME the two instantly stopped whatever they’d been doing, stood up,

looked at her, then at each other, as if only just noticing her, whispered to each other for a short while, turned back to her, whispered at each other again. And then she saw

the male putting his tiny hand into his pocket, take out an object, lift it to his mouth and blow into it sharply. It was a whistle.

Keira woke up, with the first ray of sun tinkling her nose. Everything was silent. The

offices around her too, it was still too early. What a strange dream to have had, she

thought. At one time, she must have collapsed on her desk and fallen asleep; her face

still streaked with tears, and dreamt this strange scene. She took a few sips from a

bottle of milk, but there was not much left, strange, hadn’t she just bought a new bottle

- 305 -

The Crazy HelpDesk

yesterday? For Gima, Allan’s cat. It was highly irregular, but sometimes Allan brought

Gima into the office, and asked her to look after her. Keira didn’t mind, she adored that cat, and the cat adored her. That’s why she was careful to always have a bowl of milk

ready for her. She had apparently drunk the rest of it. She must remember to buy a new

one. At this thought, Keira fell asleep again. Head over her crossed hands.

Thus she was found by Allan, her CLA, one hour later, at six o’clock in the morning.

He came back, hear tousled, unwashed, in the same suit he had been wearing before,

guilty with the three hours of sleep stolen at the side of his cat and leaving Keira alone with her impossible task.

Allan shook her slightly by the left shoulder, and she startled up.

The dream was still vivid in her head. Little figures dancing before her eyes, smiling,

lost in some strange activity. She couldn’t remember exactly what it was.

One little figure was writing strange cabbalistic signs on the computer, like one of

those programmes Nico wrote, but more complicated, two others were typing with the

speed of at least 500 words in the minute, well Hilde typed quite fast, but not that fast, and a fourth one was printing? Ok one of the little figures had looked like Maurice, but then Maurice was very tall. Why did she think of Maurice then? Yes the little Maurice

had had a slight limp; she felt sure of that.

She felt numb and done, incapable of any further action, like in a wake coma.

Alan shook her at the shoulders again:

“My God Keira! Are you all right?”

He didn’t even ask about the report, he knew it was an impossible question, with only

the answer that they would get into some trouble. Of course trouble here did not mean

the same as it would have in another other place. Here one kept it.

Keira did not answer either, just looked at him, as if he wasn’t real either. She rubbed her eyes to force herself to wake up.

Both looked down. And by looking down they looked at Keira’s desk, and by looking

at Keira’s desk they saw the report.

Keira did not remember to have it printed out, not even the few parts of it which she

might have managed to get done.

Alan took the report up and leafed through it. He thought vaguely about what to tell the Scientists. The report was to be translated into the seven main languages of the House

in three hours to come.

But the phone rang.

Keira took it distractedly, out of her obedient habit.

“The translations are done,” announced Bettina, the head of Translators. But she did

not sound proud, but rather bewildered.

“What translations?” asked Keira.

- 30