Chapter 4 – Arvoom
February 1989
I sat in the car thinking something good may be about to happen. Adinna felt warmer for the first time in ages, and the sun had come out. Since Chrimbo, Mum has been saying stuff that sounds different and she’s been a little happier than she has been for ages. Yesterday I ripped open loads of prezzies and Mum sang ‘Happy Birthday’ over and over again.
After Gran went home, me and Mum were on our own again. Jake and Joss went back to school. Dad started going out in the morning in his dirty clothes and coming home after Jake and Joss. It’s been just me and Mum since we came to Adinna. We do the same stuff every day. I’m always bored. We go for walks, or I sit in my room Watching. I love Mum and I like being with her. She does everything for me. But I’m always bored. Dad spends more time away from us than ever – he still goes out at night-time.
But as I sat in the car on the first warm day for ages, everything felt different. Dad, dressed in normal clothes, drove and looked happy. Dad hasn’t driven and smiled for ages. Mum laughed and sang. She would turn round and talk to me and hold my hand. I’m sure I understood ‘School’ in the stuff that she said. Maybe I was going to school? Adinna looked more like it did when we came here from our old home. After driving for a while, we came to the place with lots of buildings and cars where Joss and Jake come to school and see their friends – Oakee – and I started to feel a little excited. We never go to Oakee, except for shopping. And even if we were just going for shopping, at least Dad would make the day feel a little different. But Dad turned a different way to where we go for shopping. I jumped in my seat and laughed. We were going somewhere different! We drove up a long hill and I couldn’t help singing a bit. When I sing I only go ‘La LaLa LaLa La’, but I always feel good when I do it. Mum always sings with me and claps. She doesn’t have to. Dad never does.
We got to the top of the hill next to where Dad puts smelly stuff in the car and drove down a really small road. Smaller than the roads in Adinna. The car went up and down and made a funny noise. It made me laugh.
“Adam, we’re here. This is The Pines. This is where you’ll be coming every day,” said Mum.
The car stopped making the funny noise and we drove into a big bit of road with other cars just standing there, not moving. I felt really excited now. Next to the big bit of road with the cars was this huge building that looked like a house. Behind the house, I could see Adinna far away. The sun shone really bright now and made the house look friendly. There were loads of windows in the house – plenty of places for Watching. I jumped out of the car and grabbed Mum’s hand and pulled her towards the house. As I did this I shouted ‘Arvoom’. I don’t know why. I’d never said it before. So I decided to call the big house Arvoom. I liked the word – I could say it with my mouth as well as in my head and it seemed to be a good name for my new school. I felt so happy now that I was going to be doing different stuff every day.
There weren’t any doors on this side of Arvoom, so we walked round to the other side and through a little garden. Sitting there in the shade made by Arvoom were lots of people in moving chairs, drinking Pom-Pom Parlars and eating cake. I shook my head and hugged my Mum. Cakes and Pom-Pom Parlar. All the people in moving chairs were smiling and talking. I remembered the fat man who lived in the horrible school that smelled of sick and old cabbages. Arvoom seemed much nicer. The people in the horrible school were just sitting looking sad and bored. The people at Arvoom weren’t bored at all. They had cake. I stood there with Mum and Dad. I smiled and stared at the people with their cake. I looked round at Dad and saw that he was speaking to a lady. She looked nice and had a kind smile. She stood next to a fat man in shiny clothes who looked a bit like Jake.
“Mr and Mrs Olsen? Hello. My name’s Claire. We’ve spoken on the phone a few times,” said the lady.
Mum and Dad smiled and spoke back to the lady. I ignored her and stared at the man. His hair looked funny, all spiky and stuck up in the air. I wanted to push it back to the right place. The man smiled a happy smile and stared at Mum and Dad. Then he looked at me and winked. For a moment I felt a bit funny about him, but the worry went quickly and I decided I liked the man. I liked the lady as well. But I liked the man more. I knew nothing bad could happen to me if he looked after me. I don’t know why. The man’s spiky hair bothered me, though – it stayed up in the air and in the wrong place. I decided I’d have to do something about it. So I slowly walked round behind Mum and Dad so that I stood behind the man.
“This is Robbie. He’s an instructor here. He’ll be key-working with Adam,” said the lady.
I bashed my hand down on top of the man’s head. But his hair wouldn’t move. I bashed again but it felt really funny, like a brush or a broom, and still wouldn’t move. I found this hilarious and laughed out loud. The man laughed as well. He had a really nice laugh. I decided that I wanted to make him laugh as much as I could.
“Adam’s a hair stylist, then?” said the man. I liked the sound of his voice – he sounded young but not as young as Jake. He turned away from the lady and my parents and put his hand out towards me. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do.
“Shake Robbie’s hand, Adam,” said Mum.
I looked at the man and smiled. I bashed his silly hair again and ran off shouting ‘allaow’ and bashing my own hair. It hurt. So I stopped.
The people in the moving chairs all went inside. The man with the funny hair went into Arvoom while me, Mum, Dad and the lady sat down in the shade. Mum smiled at the lady and laughed at nothing. Dad raised his eyes. She always does that with people we don’t know. I looked around at Arvoom and the garden.
“So Adam’s been at home for a year?” said the lady. “That must have been a strain for all of you.”
“I think it’s been far worse for Adam than it has been for anyone else. He’s got so much energy all of the time and needs to be doing things,” said Mum. “He finds it hard to cope with being stuck with me all the time.”
After a while the man with the funny hair came out of Arvoom with some Pom-Pom Parlar and cake. He sat next to me and watched as the others all talked. I started to get a little bored. But at least I was in a different place with some different people; and I’d been brought some cake. I wanted to talk to the man with the spiky hair, so I carefully pulled his face round and said ‘allaow’. He looked at me and smiled.
“This is a little dull, isn’t it, Adam?” he said. “Come on – I’ll show you around the Pines and introduce you to some of the other staff and clients.”
I finished my Pom-Pom Parlar and clapped. Me and the man got up and walked into Arvoom. Straight away I liked it. I could hear music and people laughing – and it wasn’t too loud. The inside felt nice and warm and the walls were a shiny, bright colour. We walked up a corridor and went into a room with a telly, where people sat on the floor. They were all smiling and talking.
“That man in front of the TV is called Greg,” said the man with the spiky hair. “He’s very pleasant, but does have a bit of a wild temper. The lady sitting at the table drawing is Joanne. She likes to throw her coffee over people. She thinks it’s funny.”
I looked at all the people and felt happy. They were doing things that I like to do, and they were enjoying themselves. I thought about the horrible school we visited ages ago and how I’d be if I’d stayed there. No Pom-Pom Parlar. No cake. Everybody sad. No colours. The man with spiky hair wouldn’t be there. I felt happy being with him. I felt a little scared because Mum wasn’t there, but she was only outside so I decided I didn’t need to be too scared. I saw a man with a tashey sitting at the table. He watched the telly on his own and seemed to be frowning. I wondered who he was, so I touched the man with the funny hair on the arm and pointed at the man with the tashey.
“That’s Graham. He’s an instructor like me. Shall we go and see the games room?” he said.
I felt even better about the man with the spiky hair. I think he understood what I wanted, and I heard some of his words nice and clearly. I think he said the man with the tashey was called Grame. I didn’t really like the look of him. His tashey had yellow bits in it and he didn’t smile. I didn’t like the way he looked at the other people. He didn’t look like he laughed that much. He smelled a bit like Dad after he comes home at night.
We walked out of the room and up some stairs.
“My name’s Robbie,” said the man with the spiky hair.
I think he was trying to tell me something. I kissed his hand. He laughed and opened the next door we came to. We walked into a really bright room and the air tasted really fresh – there were loads of toys and pictures everywhere. I’m not sure why, but being in that room made me feel really excited. I walked up to the toys on the floor and smiled – they were my favourites. Lego, puzzles and drums. There were books as well (but none had any pictures of ladies that I could see). The window was really big – I could see Adinna and the road. Next to the window was a big wooden box in just the right place for sitting on and Watching. I tried it out. Perfect. I felt comfortable and I could see loads of the outside. I’d found my place for Watching.
The man with the spiky hair showed me round a few more rooms. They weren’t nearly as good as the one with the big window. He showed me a kitchen. I think I saw a shelf with nothing else except biccies, crisps and chocolate. I shook my head and rubbed my teeth. We then ran out of rooms to look in so we went back outside. I stroked the man’s arm to say thank you for showing me around Arvoom. Mum and Dad were standing and smiling with the lady. Dad had his car keys. Were we going already? Or perhaps Dad would go and leave Mum with me. That would be OK. Mum could sit and talk to the lady and I could go back to the Watching room with the toys. The man with the spiky hair could bring me Pom-Pom Parlars and biccies.
“Adam,” said Mum. “Mummy and Daddy are going now. You have a good day. Robbie will look after you so try and be good.”
Mum gave me a big hug and started to cry a little. Dad gave me a hug and walked to the car. Mum stood there just looking at me, and then followed Dad to the car. I started to feel a little worry – would I be staying at Arvoom on my own? Yes. They got into the car. Mum waved and cried; Dad started the car and drove away. When were they going to come back? I’d spent every day with Mum ever since we came to Adinna. Now, without telling me, they’d left me on my own in a place I didn’t know. That really scared me.
I watched as Mum and Dad and the car disappeared into the little road. I saw Mum wave one last time, and then she’d gone. I stood outside Arvoom and felt really scared. I chased after the car. The man with the funny hair ran after me. I felt scared. I wanted to go home. I wanted to stay at Arvoom as well, but not on my own. If I was going to be on my own, then I would rather go home. I knew home. I didn’t know Arvoom. I didn’t want to stay at Arvoom. I reached the car and banged on the window. The car stopped and Dad got out. Mum cried loads but stayed in the car.
“Adam,” said Dad. “I know you don’t want to stay here on your own, but they’re all really nice people who are going to make you loads of cuppas and give you loads of biscuits. They’ll look after you. We’re just going to eat some lunch. We’ll be back in a couple of hours and then we’ll take you home.”
“Dinnaow?” I said. I didn’t want them to go.
“No,” said Dad, gently. I understand ‘no’ and usually it makes me upset, but he spoke really quietly and actually made me feel a little better. Dad is really good and making me feel better sometimes. “Robbie is going to stay with you the whole time. He’ll give you dinner.”
Robboaw. The man with the spiky hair’s name was Robboaw. And he’d stay with me and give me my dinnaow. I understood that. I felt a little better about staying in Arvoom on my own. I still felt scared, but at least Robboaw would be there. I knew he’d be fun and happy.
Dad and Mum drove off. Me and Robboaw went inside and sat in the room with the other people and watched telly. Robboaw sat next to me and chatted to me, but I started to feel funny again. I didn’t know anybody in the room except for Robboaw. Who would go to the toylou with me? Who would take me for walks? Who would make me Pom-Pom Parlar if Robboaw went away? I didn’t know if I’d get told off if I tried to hug people. I felt worried and really scared. I could feel my throat going a bit funny. I didn’t really know Robboaw – he seemed nice and funny but what if he got cross with me now we were alone? He seemed nicer when Mum had been with me. Arvoom had looked really nice before Mum had gone. The Pom-Pom Parlars and cake had tasted really nice when Mum had sat with me. Now the Pom-Pom Parlar tasted weird and not nice. The walls weren’t bright anymore. Even Robboaw didn’t look quite as nice. He carried on chatting and smiling but it wasn’t the same as when Mum had been with me.
“We’re going to go and eat lunch in minute, Adam,” said Robboaw.
I rubbed my teeth slowly. I looked at the ceiling and sniffed. I wasn’t happy now. Not even a little bit. The other people who were sat in the room were getting up or being put in their moving chairs and taken out. They looked happy. My head felt funny and my body felt tired.
“Come on then, Ad,” said Robboaw. “Let’s go and wash our hands and eat some lunch.”
We walked through the corridor and into a big toylou. Inside I saw a bath on wheels with one of those doors that swings upwards and lets you climb in from the side. I thought about filling the bath up with soapy water and getting in. I knew I’d feel happier. I also knew I wouldn’t be allowed and I didn’t want to be naughty in front of Robboaw and make him cross. Robboaw helped me wash my hands and we walked back through the house. I still felt really bad. I tried to remember how friendly Robboaw had been in the garden and hoped I would make myself feel better. But I kept thinking how alone I felt. Nobody I knew wanted to be there with me. Nobody there loved me. Mum loved me. Even Dad loved me, I think. But Robboaw didn’t love me. I knew that. He wasn’t supposed to love me. Mum asks people like him to look after me and try to help me feel good. But he didn’t make me feel good, and I knew it wasn’t his fault.
We walked into another big room packed with all the people in moving chairs. They were sitting around a table, wearing special bibs and holding funny spoons. They all laughed and smiled at me and said ‘Hello’. I think they wanted me to sit down, but I didn’t want to. All those people. I didn’t know any of them. Mum wasn’t there. They were making too much noise. Food sat in dishes all over the table and I could have whatever I wanted. But I didn’t feel hungry. I’d been hungry earlier, but I wasn’t anymore. The food smelt horrible. The noises sounded funny and worried me a bit. Everything started to sound like when I stick my head under the water in the bath. I felt so scared. Nobody wanted me there; nobody wanted me at home.
“Here you go, Ad,” said Robboaw. He gave me a plate with food. “Sit down at the table with everyone else.”
I didn’t want to sit down. My head felt funny. Robboaw looked different. He didn’t seem friendly any more. Nobody seemed friendly. I didn’t want dinnaow. I didn’t want to be in Arvoom anymore. I needed MaMummy. My head seemed full of noise and colour and rage. I threw the plate with food against the wall. Crash. Crash. Everyone looked at me. I felt angry and frightened. I didn’t want the food. I had been hungry but I felt too scared to be hungry anymore. Why did they give me food? I felt really bad and the colours made me want to run away. I ran out of the room and out of Arvoom, feeling more scared than I’d ever felt before. I screamed and bit my hand. I went outside and sat in the shade. I wanted my Mum so much. I bit my hand until it really hurt and I tasted blood in my mouth. I screamed again and got up, ran over to the edge of the garden, and sat on the ground under a tree. The rage went away a little bit and everything sounded quieter. I rocked on my bum back and forward, and soon my head started to clear a little bit. After a while, Robboaw walked up to me and sat on a seat nearby. I screamed at him and started to cry. My body shook and my hand hurt loads. Robboaw didn’t say anything. He just stroked my arm gently until I stopped crying.
“It’s OK, Adam. It’s OK,” he said.
He spoke really quietly. He sounded friendly. I felt a bit better now that I was outside and everything sounded quiet. Robboaw looked more friendly by the tree than he had done by the table. He just stroked my arm saying ‘OK’ over and over again. I’d cry a little bit, then stop. Then start again. I felt a lot better. Robboaw looked as friendly now as he had done earlier. My head felt really clear now, and all the rage and colour had gone away. I didn’t feel as scared as I had done. I still wanted my Mum and I still felt bad, but not too bad. The lady from earlier walked up to me and gave me a Pom-Pom Parlar.
“Your Mum’s going to have to pay for the plate, you know,” she said with a kind smile. “That cost twelve pence at the Gateway boot fair. It had a lovely pattern. I’ll never find another one like it.”
Robboaw laughed. I don’t know why. I liked his laugh so I smiled and felt a little happier.
“Stay with him for the rest of the morning,” said the lady. “Take him out for a walk or a drive. Get him away from here for a little while.”
“I’ve got to go to the garage and buy some milk. I could take him and some of the others out for a drive in the mini bus,” said Robboaw.
I heard Robboaw say drive. I pulled my clothes and said ‘inyacarb’. That means that I want to go for a drive. Robboaw smiled and nodded. The lady hugged me. I felt much better now. And a little hungry.
Special Watch – Adam’s First Drive In Arvoom’s Mini-bus
After finally eating my dinnaow, I spent a bit of time with Robboaw as he got some of the people in moving chairs into the big car. Grame with the yellow tashey sat in the big car too. He still didn’t smile. I felt a lot better. I still missed Mum, but I wasn’t as scared as I had been. I knew that as long as Robboaw stayed with me I’d be OK. He smiled and spoke quietly to me and the other people. He helped us into the big car. Grame made sure everyone was strapped in although he wasn’t being friendly. Robboaw drove and Grame sat next to me. Two other people were sat behind me and Grame. We went up the little, bumpy road that made the big car go up and down, and then onto the proper road. We drove for a while and I Watched out of the window. Robboaw spoke and laughed and played some music. He made me laugh because nobody could hear what he said. The music was too loud. Grame sat next to me just looking away from us all. I felt a little uncomfortable sitting next to him. I felt like he didn’t really want to be with me. I touched him on the arm to say hello, but he just looked at me quickly and then looked away again. I smiled when he did this – people like that are always more fun to annoy; a bit like Jake.
We drove around parts of Adinna I hadn’t seen before. The sun shone brightly and the day felt warm. I felt almost back to normal and my head wasn’t funny anymore – I didn’t feel worried at all. I started to think that it wouldn’t be long before I knew Arvoom really well and I’d know the other people more. Robboaw would make sure nothing bad would happen to me. If I ever felt bad again, then Robboaw would know and he would make me feel better, like he’d done under the tree. He understood what I wanted when I asked for it. When I wanted to know who Grame was, he knew. Not many people understand what I want. Robboaw does. That makes me feel really safe.
After driving for a while, we stopped in the place where Dad puts the smelly stuff in the car.
“OK, everyone. I’m just popping in to get some milk. I won’t be long,” said Robboaw.
Robboaw then got out of the car and went into the place Dad goes after he’s put the smelly stuff in the car. I didn’t like being away from Robboaw. The other people behind me didn’t like it either. I don’t know how I knew. They breathed differently. They breathed the same way I breathed. Grame sat next to me, not saying anything or even looking at me. I started to feel scared without Robboaw. I pulled gently at Grame’s arm and tried to talk to him.
“Yeah? Bollocks,” said Grame. He frowned when he said this.
I wasn’t happy and I wanted to be with Robboaw. He had a nice smile and he looked after me. I didn’t want to be with Grame, so I took my strap off and tried to open the door to the big car.
“No. Sit fucking down,” shouted Grame.
I hate that word. ‘No’. It means I can’t do something that I want to do. Another word like ‘No’ is ‘Don’t’. They are words that make me worry. Grame had made me worry. He wasn’t nice at all and he wouldn’t let me go and see Robboaw. I bit my hand. I screamed a little when I bit my hand. Grame screwed his face up and raised his hand in the air as if he was going to hit me.
“Don’t even fucking try it,” said Grame. His tashey wobbled and bits fell out. His eyes were nearly closed. His teeth were dirty and his voice smelled. “I’ll break every bone in your body if you try it on with me. Now sit there like a good little boy and be quiet.”
He made me feel funny in the stomach. I felt too worried to do anything, so I looked out of the window and decided to do nothing. I felt so scared that I couldn’t do anything anyway. My throat felt funny. I felt bad. I wanted my Mum. Even when Dad got really angry and shouted so loud my ears hurt, he would never scare me as much as Grame. I always knew Dad wouldn’t hurt me. But I didn’t know Grame – what if he decided to hurt me? He looked as though he wanted to. And his words sounded really nasty. His eyes looked horrible. He looked as though he wanted to hurt me. But why? Robboaw wouldn’t have done that. I sat in my seat looking out of the window and I stayed quiet until Robboaw came back. When Robboaw sat back down in the big car, everything felt different. The other people behind me started to breathe properly. My head felt better, and I didn’t feel as worried as I had done. The air felt nicer. Robboaw was smiling and laughing and talking. I felt like I’d been in different place for a while, and that I’d just come back. Grame still didn’t say anything. I decided to stay away from Grame all the time I was at Arvoom. I didn’t want him to make me feel scared again.
We drove back to Arvoom. I walked inside with Robboaw and saw Mum and Dad sitting in the telly room. I ran in and shouted ‘allaow’. I smiled and gave Mum a really big hug. I’d missed her so much. I even gave Dad a hug. I felt especially pleased to see Dad. He wasn’t as scary as I thought. He would never hurt me. I knew that. I didn’t know that about Grame. I wanted to tell them about everything that had happened that day. But I couldn’t. I rubbed my teeth and said ‘MaMummy’ and ‘dinnaow’ a few times, but it did no good – they didn’t understand. I kissed the lady on the cheek and gave Robboaw a big hug. Grame came out and smiled a really pretend smile. He looked at the lady and laughed a pretend laugh. I poked my tongue at him and ran outside laughing.
I got in the car before Mum and Dad and put on my strap. I was laughing and feeling really happy about going home. I’d missed Mum so much, but I felt glad I’d come to Arvoom. I’d made friends with Robboaw and knew he would always look after me. As long as he was always there, I knew everything would be OK. I liked the big car for drives and I liked the room with the toys and the big window. Dad got in the car.
“You owe me twelve pence,” said Dad. He smiled and rubbed my hair.
Special Watch – In The Car; On The Way To Arvoom.
I felt really happy this morning. Yesterday I’d felt happy, but not sure about what was going to happen at Arvoom. Now I knew. I knew that Robboaw would be there to look after me. I knew all the other people would be happy and get given loads of Pom-Pom Parlar and cake. I knew nothing bad would happen to me, although I felt a little worried about Grame. I tried to tell Mum about him but she didn’t understand. I got a little angry with her and bit her arm, which made me feel terrible. She didn’t cry or shout. She just hugged me. I wish I’d bitten Grame with his silly tashey.
We drove up the little road and I felt my belly go funny. I was really looking forward to seeing Robboaw and the lady and the Watch room. I decided not to worry about Grame. Robboaw would be there. We stopped the car outside Arvoom and I got really excited and ran out of the car and round the side to the main door. I shouted ‘Arvoom’ all the way. I ran in through the main door and into the telly room. I thought Robboaw would be in there. But the lady was standing there instead.
“Good morning, Adam. How are you?” said the lady.
I laughed, rubbed my teeth and said ‘dinnaow tomorrow’. I wanted a Pom-Pom Parlar and I wanted to see Robboaw. The lady smiled and walked out of the room. I sat in the chair laughing and shaking my head. I couldn’t wait to see Robboaw. He could take me out for a walk and buy me an arshee. He could take me out for another drive. I felt so excited.
I sat in the chair for a while and the lady came back in with a Pom-Pom Parlar. Mum and Dad came in behind her.
“Robbie’s not here this morning,” said the lady. “He’s taken a client to Exeter for an appointment. He’ll be back before lunch, so I’ve arranged for Graham to take him for a walk around the Horseshoe. It’s a really nice route that goes up past the garage…”
Why hadn’t Robboaw come to say hello? My Pom-Pom Parlar tasted better than yesterday. It was a lovely sunny day again, and I really wanted to go for a walk. I hoped Robboaw would take me. But where was he? I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t come to say hello. Mum gave me a hug and went with Dad. I wasn’t really that bothered. I wasn’t anywhere near as bothered as the day before. I didn’t really want them to go, but not because I felt scared. I just didn’t want to miss them. I had Robboaw to look after me anyway. So I felt OK about them going. I sa