17
As Gentlemen Should
“Excuse me!” Captain Rathbone came striding across the yard towards Boglehob. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” Then he glanced apologetically at Ma. “No offence, madam.”
Boglehob stared at the Captain, the scythe still poised to strike.
“A true gentleman takes no delight in bullying the defenceless,” continued the Captain, skirting slowly around the scarecrow. “And you were a gentleman once, or so I believe?”
Boglehob’s sack head turned right round to follow the Captain, those hollow eyes narrowing as he listened. Bryony wondered how the scarecrow could twist his neck like that; then she remembered he didn’t actually have a neck.
“And if you have any shred of dignity left in that straw body of yours,” said the Captain, “you’ll prefer to settle this matter as gentlemen should. Man to man. Or rather, possessed demonic scarecrow to half-man-half-fox.”
“Don’t listen to Rathbone,” Dawes croaked at Boglehob. “It’s one of his ruses.”
“Oh let them have their fun,” purred Katya, fluttering her eyelashes at the scarecrow. “I like it when the boys play tough.”
Boglehob lowered the scythe and stepped away from Ma. Then he raised the scythe again, but this time it was pointed at the Captain.
“You accept my challenge.” The Captain nodded at Boglehob. “So there is some honour left in you. Now we need to appoint a referee, and agree a basic set of rules to ensure…”
Boglehob swung the scythe before the Captain had finished his sentence. Bryony squealed a warning, but the Captain had already reacted, ducking low so that the curved blade swished harmlessly over his shoulders.
“That’s not playing fair.” Captain Rathbone straightened to fix Boglehob with an admonishing look. “I haven’t chosen my weapon yet.”
But that didn’t seem to matter to Boglehob. Chuckling, the scarecrow raised his scythe again…
“Captain!” Zach threw a discarded rake at the Captain, who grabbed it from the air and used it to parry Boglehob’s lunge.
“Very good.” The Captain grinned at his opponent. “You’ve demonstrated your attack techniques most admirably. Now let us see how good you are at defence.”
The Captain thrust the rake, but Boglehob deflected the blow with the handle of his scythe. The opponents circled each other, bodies poised, weapons twitching. Then Boglehob swung again, and again the Captain blocked the attack with his rake.
“The Captain won’t win,” said Zach, having scrambled over to where Bryony lay trussed up. “Boglehob is a master with the scythe.”
Bryony didn’t doubt Zach’s words. The scarecrow wasn’t as nimble as his opponent, but seemed to have a strength and skill that belied his awkward lopsided appearance.
“Maybe the Captain’s just trying to bide us time.” Bryony glanced at the trailer, and saw that Edwin was now near the top of the chute. “Zach, get over to Edwin before it’s too late.”
“Not without you,” gasped Zach, fumbling at the twine around Bryony’s legs.
“Don’t worry about me,” whispered Bryony. “Get Edwin out of that trailer.”
Zach hesitated, but then nodded and slipped away. Bryony watched him sneaking around the edge of the yard, his scrawny body silhouetted by the flaming farmhouse. But neither Dawes nor Katya noticed, all their attention now focussed on the duel between the Captain and Boglehob.
Then Bryony saw two more dark figures moving. One was tall and burly, the other short and fat. It was Jed and Ma trying to escape!
Bryony’s instinct was to alert the Captain, but she realised he had more urgent matters to deal with. As it happened, Bryony need not have worried; the figures suddenly disappeared, and she heard a splash followed by gurgled cries for help. Ma and Jed had fallen into the Plunge Pool!
There was more splashing, and Bryony glimpsed two shapes emerging from the Plunge Pool. But smoke from the burning farmhouse wafted across the yard, obscuring her view.
Bryony’s attention returned to the duel. The Captain aimed another stab of the rake at his adversary, but Boglehob dodged the blow and jabbed his scythe at the Captain’s left flank.
The Captain staggered backwards, clutching his side and wincing with pain. For a terrible moment Bryony thought the duel was over, but then the Captain removed his hand from his side.
“Oh dear,” he tutted, inspecting a tear in his jacket. “That’s another trip to the tailors. And quality tweed is so expensive these days.”
Boglehob lunged again. The Captain repelled the blow with the rake, before delivering a jabbed riposte. The fight continued, and the yard resonated with clangs of metal on metal.
Bryony checked on Zach’s progress, and was relieved to see he’d made it up the ramp and had reached the trailer. He turned back to Bryony and made a thumbs up sign, before grabbing the lever on the trailer.
But someone else had also spotted Zach.
“Look out!” shrieked the turnip. “The boy is on the ramp!”
Dawes and Katya tore their attention from the duel, and saw Zach struggling with the lever.
“That puny farmboy,” hissed Katya. “Let’s get him!”
Katya and Dawes rushed at Zach. Then Bryony heard a clucking and flapping noise. At first she thought it was Edwin, but realised the noise was too loud. And there were too many clucks for just one chicken…
Then a whole flock of chickens came streaming into the yard, led by a plump speckled hen.
“At last,” said the Captain, as he parried yet another thrust from Boglehob. “Our back up arrives!”
“Onward sisters,” clucked Chardonnay. “Fight against our tyrannical masters! Strike a blow for the working chicken!”
The chickens flew at Dawes and Katya, driving them back with a furious frenzy of pecking and flapping.
Bryony almost laughed at the sight, but she was still worried about Edwin. Zach obviously wasn’t strong enough to pull the lever, and Edwin was now at the top of the chute.
She couldn’t resist glancing skywards. The black cloud stretched from horizon to horizon. There were no stars left, only the moon was still visible. It wouldn’t be long now…
Then she heard a cry from Zach.
“I’ve done it!”
Somehow he’d summoned the strength to pull the lever, and the trailer was now tilting back to a level position.
Edwin clucked with relief as he felt himself sliding away from the chute. “Good work, Zach!”
“Yes,” agreed an equally thankful Stubby. “But you could have left it a few seconds more to increase the sense of dramatic intensity.”
Zach smiled, and reached into the trailer to scoop up Edwin. But a scream from the yard made him turn round.
“The harvest!” shrieked Katya, shielding her face from a flurry of pecking beaks. “Boglehob, leave the Captain and see to the harvest!”
“You’ll have to kill me first,” said the Captain, aiming another thrust of his rake at Boglehob.
“Consider that done,” said the turnip, jumping up and down with excitement. “You see I’m not just any old turnip after all. I’m half turnip, half cabbage!”
The turnip bounced towards the Captain, and Bryony heard a ticking sound…
“Look out!” she squealed at the Captain. “Exploding cabbage!”
The Captain heard the warning, but it was already too late. There was an explosion, and the Captain was thrown into the air. Bryony closed her eyes as chunks of half-cooked turnip splattered all around her; when she opened them again she saw the Captain lying motionless at Boglehob’s feet.
Bryony feared the worst as Boglehob raised his scythe, but a croaky yell stopped him delivering the final blow.
“Forget about the Captain,” shouted Dawes, fending off a determined assault from Chardonnay. “It will soon be dawn, and processing must finish before sunrise. See to the trailer!”
Boglehob left the fallen Captain, and shuffled determinedly towards the trailer.
Zach seemed frozen with terror, and could only watch as the lopsided scarecrow advanced up the wooden ramp towards him.
“The rake!” Bryony squealed at Zach, nodding her head at the Captain’s discarded weapon that had landed on the ramp next to the trailer. “Grab the Captain’s rake!”
Zach reached for the rake, but had to retreat as Boglehob swung the scythe at him. Bryony expected Zach to run, but instead he stood his ground in front of the trailer.
“You ain’t coming a step closer,” he growled at Boglehob, raising his fists like a boxer. “I ain’t scared of you no more, straw brain.”
Boglehob dismissed Zach’s challenge with another hoarse chuckle, scythe poised as he came to within striking distance of the boy.
But then the scarecrow’s leading foot trod on the fallen rake, and the long wooden handle shot up to knock his head off his shoulders.
“Typical Boglehob,” croaked Dawes, batting away more chickens with his arms. “He always loses his head at critical moments!”
Boglehob’s sack head went tumbling down the ramp. The scarecrow’s decapitated body took on a life of its own, flailing blindly with the scythe. Zach dodged the clumsy blows, but was forced off balance in the process, and fell back onto the lever.
And suddenly the trailer started tipping up again.
“Oh no!” squawked Edwin, dismayed to find himself sliding back towards the chute. “Pull the lever again, Zach!”
Zach tried to grab the lever, but the headless Boglehob took another swing with his scythe. Zach ducked again to avoid the flailing blade, and the momentum of the swing sent the scarecrow body lurching forwards into the tipping trailer.
Boglehob’s headless body went tumbling straight down the chute, and was swallowed by the gaping mouth of the Threshing Machine.
There was a grinding noise, and then a harsh clatter. Shreds of clothes and wisps of straw flew out of the Threshing Machine’s chimney, followed by something else: something that glinted as it arced through the air, and clanged when it landed on the ground in front of Bryony.
She couldn’t believe it: the Wychetts Key!
“Use it!” shouted Zach. “Bryony, use the Key!”
Bryony looked up from the Key to see Zach standing next to the trailer. He was struggling with the lever, but didn’t seem to have enough strength left to pull it.
Edwin was now at the top of the chute. The Captain was still lying motionless, eyes shut and lips bleeding. Chardonnay and the chickens were tiring, and Dawes and Katya were getting the better of their battle with the brood.
It was now or never: she had to use the Key!
Bryony shuffled towards the Key, and stretched her neck so that her snout hovered over Inglenook’s miniature metal face.
But she couldn’t, even now, bring herself to touch it.
“The lever’s jammed,” cried Zach. “Use the Key, Bryony!”
But Bryony couldn’t move. She had never felt so scared of using the magic. It was as though the power of the Barrenrake had seeped into her every nerve, bone and muscle.
Zach gave up with the lever, and climbed up into the trailer. “Don’t worry!” he called to Edwin. “I’m coming!”
“Well done,” said Stubby, as Zach lowered himself into the gooey black harvest. “You certainly listened to my advice about dramatic effect. You couldn’t have left it later if you tried.”
“We’re not out of this yet,” clucked Edwin, who realised the danger was far from over. “Now Zach’s just as stuck as we are!”
But it was worse than that. Not only was Zach stuck, he was now sliding down the chute along with Edwin and Stubby.
Edwin squawked with fear as he saw the mouth of the Threshing Machine looming closer. But then he saw something lying on the chute just in front of them, and he had an idea.
“Boglehob’s scythe!”
Zach knew exactly what Edwin had in mind, and lunged forwards to grab the scythe.
“Now take hold of me,” he told Edwin.
So far so good, but Edwin realised there was one tiny problem with the plan. “How can I take hold of you? I don’t have any hands.”
“Use your beak,” squealed Stubby, clinging to Edwin’s back. “Quickly!”
Edwin pecked at Zach’s sleeve, but only succeeded in making a hole in the frayed woollen jumper.
“Hurry!” cried Zach, as they neared the end of the chute.
Craning his scrawny chicken neck, Edwin reached up and clamped his beak around Zach’s nose. Zach howled loudly, but Edwin couldn’t be sure whether it was a cry of pain or fear as they went tumbling into the mouth of the Threshing Machine…