11
Paperwork
“I can’t believe it.” Jane’s auburn eyebrows knotted with anger. “How could you say such things to Mr Wallwork?”
Bryony had given up trying to explain, as her efforts to convince everyone of her innocence had only made matters worse.
After Stubby’s performance, a fuming Mr Wallwork had marched Bryony to the head teacher’s office. It seemed he was just as angry with Jane as he was Bryony. Standards had slipped, he’d ranted, and the acting head teacher was responsible. And then he’d stormed out, muttering that things would be different if he was in charge.
Now Bryony stood in front of Jane’s desk (or rather a pile of paperwork where Jane’s desk should have been), and shifted uncomfortably in her stepmother’s gaze.
“It’s bad enough you finished bottom in your exams,” continued Jane, “but this sort of behaviour will only make things worse. I expected more from you as my son.”
It took a few seconds for that last word to sink in.
“Son?” Bryony shook her head. “I’m not your son. Edwin is.”
Jane scowled at Bryony. “If that’s supposed to be a joke, I can assure you it isn’t funny.”
“There’s only one joke around here,” muttered Bryony. “And that’s you.”
Jane closed her eyes, and covered her face with her hands.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I want to do better, but it’s such hard work and…”
Then she took her hands away from her face and glared at Bryony.
“I’m supposed to be telling you off, not the other way around!”
“Well you’re not doing a very good job of it,” said Bryony.
“I’m not, am I?” Jane started sobbed again. “Mr Wallwork is right. I’m a useless head teacher.”
Bryony had never seen a head teacher collapse into a blubbering heap before, and wasn’t sure how to react.
“It’s not all your fault,” she heard herself say. “You’re very busy, what with all that paperwork.”
“The paperwork!” Jane sat up. “I need to deal with the paperwork.”
Jane picked up the nearest sheet of paper and started folding it.
“What are you doing?” wondered Bryony.
“Dealing with the paperwork.” Jane finished folding the paper, then placed it on her head. “Do you like my new hat?”
“Um...” Bryony didn’t know what to say.
Jane folded another sheet of paper, and held it up for Bryony to see.
“Er…” Bryony still struggled to find the words. “Isn’t that an odd shape for a hat?”
Jane looked offended. “It’s not a hat. It’s a horse.”
“Looks more like a dog to me,” said Bryony. “If you bent that bit on the end it might pass as a pig.”
Jane did as Bryony suggested. “Is that better?”
Bryony wrinkled her nose. “Now it looks like a monkey.”
Jane’s chin wobbled, then she burst into tears again. “You see, I can’t even make a paper horsey!”
Bryony was surprised to see Jane so upset about a thing like that.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “You just need more practice. It’s not like you’re short of paper.”
“Paper! Too much paper!” Jane clenched her hands into fists. “I can’t deal with the paper. I can’t deal with the job. Mr Wallwork is right. I’m useless. The most useless head teacher ever. You must be so ashamed of me, Edwin.”
Bryony shook her head again. “I’m not Edwin, I’m Bryony.”
Jane stared at Bryony, and then cried even harder than before.
Bryony realised there was something seriously wrong with Jane. The stress of the job was getting too much for her, and she didn’t even recognise her own stepdaughter. There was only one thing to do in the circumstances.
“There there.” Bryony patted Jane’s shoulder. “Do you want to see the nurse?”
Jane nodded. “Yes please.”
Bryony helped Jane out of the office, and escorted her down the corridor to the nurse’s room.
The nurse was a bit surprised to see the head teacher in such a state, but Bryony explained that Jane was having a bad day, and that she’d come back and collect her at home time.
The nurse shepherded Jane into her room, and thanked Bryony for being such a caring pupil.
Except she didn’t thank Bryony. She thanked Edwin.
It didn’t register with Bryony until she was walking back down the corridor.
Edwin? The nurse had called her Edwin.
And Jane had done the same thing just now. Come to think of it, Jane had been treating her like Edwin all morning. Bryony had thought that was because Jane was cracking up, but surely the nurse wasn’t losing her marbles as well?
It didn’t make sense.
But then, as Bryony thought about it, she realised it did make sense, although in a very peculiar way.
For starters, she was supposed to have gone to that Schrunkopf Institute this morning. Then Saffy and Jaz had made fun of her, especially when she’d told them she was a girl. She’d been made to re-sit her exams, even though she’d finished top of the school. She’d ended up with Edwin’s bag and pencil case, not to mention his trousers. And before all that started, she’d seen Edwin’s face in her bedroom mirror.
It couldn’t be. But Bryony wondered if…
Bryony hurried to the school toilets, and made for the door marked ‘GIRLS’. The door opened before she reached it, and out stepped Saffy and Jaz.
“Wrong one,” Saffy told Bryony, pointing to the door marked ‘BOYS’. “You really should have worked that out by now.”
“Perhaps he really is a girl,” said Jaz. “That would explain a lot.”
Bryony heard laughter, and turned to see a group of kids pointing at her.
“Look at Edwin,” gurgled one of them. “He thinks he’s a girl! Edwin thinks he’s a girl!”
It was morning break, and the corridor was filling with pupils. More children were drawn to the sound of laughter, and the mocking group soon became a crowd.
“Edwin thinks he’s a girl,” they chanted as one. “Edwin thinks he’s a gi-irl!”
Bryony wasn’t sure what was worse. Having kids laughing at her, or having them think she was Edwin.
“Edwin thinks he’s a gi-irl! Edwin thinks he’s a gi-irl!”
Unable to able to bear the humiliation, Bryony turned and ran from the laughing children.
The children followed, swarming after her in a tide of leering faces. Bryony knew there would be no escape if she remained inside the school building, so she ran through the main entrance and out into the playground…