14
Guess That Answers Your Question
A laughing Maddy let go of Edwin’s arm. “It’s all right now. We’re safe.”
Edwin opened his eyes, and found himself in another gloomy corridor. But there was no sign of Madame Voltaria.
“Secret doorway,” explained Maddy.
Edwin gawped at her. “How did you know there was a secret doorway?”
“My deduction was based on two logical questions,” said Maddy. “Firstly, what self-respecting creepy mansion wouldn’t have a secret doorway? And secondly, who would go to all that trouble building a corridor that led nowhere?”
From the wall behind them came the sound of furtive scratching.
“It’s Madame Voltaria.” Edwin jumped away from the wall. “She’s coming to get us.”
“Don’t worry,” said Maddy. “I doubt if she knows the secret doorway exists. As far as she is concerned, we will have vanished like ghosts.”
Maddy giggled, but Edwin was in no mood for jokes.
This corridor was even spookier than the others. The bare brick walls were festooned with cobwebs, and it seemed just the place for ghosts to hang out.
“Ghosts don’t exist,” said Maddy, as if reading Edwin’s mind. “Surely an educated person like you knows that.”
“Sure,” agreed Edwin. “But neither does Frankenstein’s monster, and we just ran into its ugly sister.”
Maddy nodded. “I must admit that was all a bit strange. Perhaps Madame Voltaria is on some sort of medication. Or maybe it’s just her age. All women go through that awkward phase when they pass one hundred and fifty.”
“You really think she’s that old?” Edwin still couldn’t tell if Maddy was joking or not. “Anyway, her age isn’t important. I want to know why she was all wired up like that. Do you think she’s half machine?”
“Madame Voltaria is a bit of a mystery,” agreed Maddy. “But we’re not going to find answers standing here. Secret doorways lead to secret passages, and secret passages lead to secrets.”
Maddy produced a hefty torch from her satchel.
Edwin frowned. “How come you can fit so much in that little bag?”
Maddy tutted. “You never ask a lady about the contents of her bag. Surely every girl knows that. Now let’s get exploring.”
Maddy switched on her torch, illuminating the passage ahead. Except it wasn’t really a passage, just a short length of floor leading to a steeply descending spiral staircase.
“Brilliant!” Maddy gasped. “A secret doorway leading to a secret passage leading to a secret staircase. Did someone sneak at my Christmas list?”
Edwin didn’t share Maddy’s delight. “It might not be safe. We don’t know where it goes.”
“That’s the point,” sighed Maddy. “If we knew where the staircase goes, there wouldn’t be any need to explore it. Think how different world history would have been if Christopher Columbus already knew where to buy hotdogs.”
Maddy skipped off down the staircase, leaving Edwin behind.
He stood debating whether to follow, until the sound of further scratching from the wall behind spurred him into action.
“Wait for me,” he cried, following Maddy down the staircase.
Edwin counted the steps as they descended, but gave up around two hundred and fifty. Two hundred and fifty steep, narrow, slime covered steps that wound their way deeper underground. He guessed they were leading to some sort of cellar, perhaps where the original occupants of the house had stored wine or other provisions. Or at least that’s what he hoped. Going on previous experience, spooky secret passages never led anywhere as boring or as safe as wine cellars.
He tried not to reveal his concern to Maddy, who seemed to be treating the whole experience as a fun day out. Edwin found his new friend hard to make out. Whilst he had no doubt Maddy was very clever, she also seemed rash and foolhardy.
Although he regretted his decision to join Maddy in her exploration of Maddergrub Manor (surely they would both be expelled for it), Edwin knew he would probably feel a lot worse if he hadn’t gone with her. He guessed that’s what having a friend was all about.
Apart from the weird Madame Voltaria and a general unease about his creepy surroundings, there was something else troubling Edwin. He couldn’t go on pretending to be Bryony; at some point he’d have to come clean with Maddy. Edwin guessed she wouldn’t be happy when she found out, and probably wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore, but he couldn’t go on living a lie. He’d have to own up sooner or later, and it was probably best to do it sooner.
Edwin resolved to tell Maddy when they reached the bottom of the steps. But when they finally got there, Maddy didn’t give him the chance.
“Wow,” she gasped, waving the torch in front of her to reveal a circular passage. “A secret staircase leading to a secret underground tunnel!”
“Maybe it’s some sort of sewer,” suggested Edwin, hoping to deter Maddy from further exploration. “Probably runs into a drain.”
“Unlikely,” answered Maddy. “Why have a secret doorway leading to a secret staircase leading to secret tunnel leading to a drain? There has to be something secret at the end of it.”
“Maybe it’s best left a secret.” Edwin was finding it harder to hide his mounting anxiety. “I really think we should head back.”
“All the way up those stairs again?” Maddy shook her head. “And with Madame Zombie Eyes waiting to greet us at the top? Don’t know about you, but I’d rather take my chances down here.”
Edwin realised Maddy had a point. They had no choice but to press on down the tunnel. There was no telling where it might lead them, but at least they’d be together. Friends together.
And that reminded Edwin about something.
“Wait.” He called out to Maddy as she set off again. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Maddy stopped suddenly.
“It’s like this,” continued Edwin. “I’m not really me. No, that’s not true. I am me, of course, but not who you think I am. You see, I’m actually…”
“Shh!” Maddy raised a hand. “Listen.”
Edwin listened, and heard a noise filtering through the tunnel. It was hard to tell, but it sounded like a voice. Faint, distorted by echo, but definitely a voice.
Maddy crept forwards. Edwin followed, holding his breath as they rounded a bend in the passage.
“I can see light.” Maddy switched off her torch. “It’s coming from that grate in the wall up ahead. Let’s take a look.”
Edwin sidled up to the wall with Maddy, taking care to keep low as he peered through the rusty metal grate. And what he saw made him gasp with astonishment.
It was a huge, circular chamber. The walls were lined with banks of computer equipment, complete with a startling array of knobs, dials and lights. Thick metal pipes and wires snaked around the wall, and there were workbenches laden with all manner of scientific paraphernalia: coils of wires, racks of test tubes, and bulbous glass bottles containing brightly coloured bubbling liquid.
“It’s some kind of laboratory,” whispered Maddy. “Must belong to Professor Schrunkopf. Guess that was his voice we just heard.”
Right on cue, Edwin heard the voice again. Then a strange looking figure came into view.
It was short, not much taller than Edwin, with a hunched back and spindly arms and legs. It had a large domed forehead, with wisps of grey hair sticking out in all directions. It wore a thick glass monocle that magnified its left eye and made its face look weirdly lopsided. The odd ensemble was completed with a white lab coat, a pair of stripy trousers, and an oversized spotted bow tie.
“That must be him,” said Maddy. “He’s got the mad professor look down to a tee.”
Edwin frowned. “He’s not mad, is he?”
Professor Schrunkopf was talking, but Edwin couldn’t see anyone else in the room. As the Professor drew closer, Edwin was able to hear his words.
“They mocked my stature, they laughed at my haircut, they repeatedly misspelt my name. But all those years of ridicule will be forgotten after my experiment today. Then I will be heralded as the greatest scientific mind in history. Then all will bow down to me, and I shall take my rightful place as ruler of the entire world!”
Maddy glanced at Edwin. “Guess that answers your question.”
The Professor picked up a bottle of luminous green liquid, and inspected its contents with his monocled eye. Then he decanted some of the liquid into a glass beaker, stuck a little paper umbrella into it, and took a sip.
“Wunderba!” The Professor licked his lips. “The hint of lemon balances most harmoniously with the hydrogen peroxide.”
“Oh Master!” A needle sharp voice pierced the air, and an anxious faced Madame Voltaria came gliding into the laboratory. “Our plans have gone wrong. Two of the subjects have escaped.”
“How did that happen?” A furious Professor Schrunkopf slammed the glass on the workbench. Some of the green liquid splashed on the walls, burning holes in the brickwork. “The subjects were to remain under your supervision at all times.”
Madame Voltaria bowed her head. “I needed to recharge, Master. These damp mornings are playing havoc with my spark plugs. And you know I am overdue a ninety thousand mile service.”
“I don’t have time to give you a service,” rasped the Professor. “All my focus is on preparing for the experiment. A storm is brewing, atmospheric conditions are perfect, I cannot waste this opportunity. We shall proceed using the remaining subjects.”
“That isn’t possible.” Madame Voltaria kept her head bowed. “The two escaped subjects were the only ones who passed the induction test. The other subjects have already been expelled and transported from the campus.”
The Professor growled like an angry puppy. “Then the escaped subjects must be found.”
“That might not be easy, Master. They entered my room whilst I was recharging. I followed them down the western corridor, but they just vanished.”
“Impossible!” The Professor waved his spindly arms about. “Living matter cannot vanish. You must search the building and locate the escaped subjects. They are critical to the success of my experiment.”
“I will conduct another search of the building,” promised Madame Voltaria. “They will not escape again.”
“They had better not,” warned the Professor. “Or I will pull the plug on you. Both metaphorically and literally!”
“Yes, Master.” Madame Voltaria clutched her pendant, then turned and glided from the laboratory.
“The subjects will be found,” said the Professor, to no one in particular. “For the experiment must proceed today. And I shall prove to the world that I, Professor Franz Gottlieb Engelbert Schrunkopf, is the greatest genius ever to have lived!”
The Professor started laughing, and then took another swig of that bright green liquid. “Hmm, perhaps a dash more sodium cyanide to counter act the elderberry.”
“He’s bonkers!” A horrified Edwin withdrew from the grate. “All that stuff about ruling the world…”
“I’m more worried how we fit in,” reflected Maddy. “He kept mentioning some experiment.”
Edwin nodded. “And they called us ‘subjects’. Maybe that’s why they’ve brought us here, to take part in some kind of test.”
“That would figure,” said Maddy. “I did a bit of research yesterday, and found out that Professor Schrunkopf was expelled from university for conducting illegal experiments.”
Edwin was intrigued. “What sort of illegal experiments?”
“Nasty ones using live subjects. He claimed he was investigating a cure of boils, but the authorities knew he was up to no good and so closed down his laboratory. That must be why he’s come here, to continue his work in secret.”
“Then we could be in danger.” Edwin gulped. “We’ve got to escape and warn the authorities.”
Maddy shook her green head. “You heard the Professor. He’s conducting his experiment today, so there won’t be time to warn anyone. And if he’s up to something dastardly, it’s down to us to stop him.”
“I suppose so.” Edwin chewed his bottom lip. “But first we need to find out what his experiment involves.”
“Agreed,” said Maddy. “In which case we’ll need to get into his laboratory.”
Edwin examined the grate. “We won’t fit through this. Have you got any suggestions?”
Maddy pointed at Edwin’s bag. “How about that magic spell book of yours?”
Instinctively Edwin reached for the Tome Terriblis. Then he stopped, remembering that it wasn’t supposed to be a spell book.
He looked challengingly at Maddy. “I didn’t think you believed in magic.”
“I don’t, dumbo!” Maddy chuckled. “But I’m beginning to think you do. Now let’s get moving, we might find a way into the laboratory further down the tunnel.”
Maddy switched her torch back on and skipped off down the tunnel. Once again Edwin was left debating whether to follow, and then he heard a scream.
A girl’s scream, echoing down the tunnel.
“Maddy!” Edwin hared off in the direction of the noise, and found Maddy standing in front of a wall.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“It’s a wall,” said Maddy, gesturing in front of her.
“I can see that.” Edwin frowned. “So what was all the screaming about?”
“I don’t like walls,” whined Maddy. “Doors I like. Walls I don’t.”
Edwin’s anxiety was replaced by irritation. “So it’s a dead end. Come on, let’s not waste any more time. We need to find a way out of this place.”
“Look at this.” Maddy pointed at a small wooden bar protruding from the wall. “It’s some kind of lever. Maybe it activates a secret door to another secret passage?”
“Wait!” Edwin pulled on Maddy’s arm as she reached for the lever. “You don’t know what might happen.”
“But the lever must do something,” insisted Maddy. “Aren’t you just a teeny bit curious about it?”
Edwin shook his head. “Curiosity killed the cat.”
“I don’t see a cat,” said Maddy. “But I do see a scared little pussy.”
“I’m not scared,” insisted Edwin. “I’ve faced more dangerous situations than this.”
“Then pull the lever.” Maddy backed slowly down the tunnel. “It could open a secret entrance to the laboratory, and we can find out what the Professor is up to.”
Edwin considered the situation. Maddy’s logic had proved right before, so perhaps the lever would open a hidden door.
“When you’re ready,” said Maddy, now standing about ten feet behind Edwin. “Unless you really are scared, and don’t want to be my friend anymore.”
“I want to be your friend.” Edwin unconsciously placed his hand on the lever.
Maddy shrugged. “Then pull the lever.”
“OK,” said Edwin. “But if we end up in a tank of alligators, don’t come running to me.”
Maddy smiled. “If we end up in a tank of alligators, I don’t think either of us will be doing much running again.”
Edwin took a deep breath. Then he closed his eyes and yanked the lever.
At first nothing happened. Then he heard a soft rumbling, and felt the stone floor tremble beneath him.
Then the rumbling and the trembling stopped.
Edwin exhaled a sigh of relief. He hadn’t been deposited into a tank of hungry alligators. He was completely unharmed and totally safe.
“Bryony!” Maddy’s scream jarred Edwin’s eyes open.
“Maddy?” Edwin couldn’t see Maddy. He couldn’t see anything but walls. Solid walls around him. “Maddy, where are you?”
“Up here.”
Edwin looked up and saw a green haired face peering down at him from a ledge high above.
“How did you up there?”
“I didn’t get up,” explained Maddy. “You got down. The floor sank when you pulled the lever.”
Edwin realised he was at the bottom of a stone walled shaft.
“No worries.” He set about examining the walls around him. “There must be another passage. Why have a lever to lower the floor if it doesn’t lead to another passage?”
“Good logic,” agreed Maddy. “But I think it’s some sort of trap.”
“Who for?” Edwin looked up at Maddy again.
Maddy didn’t seem to know. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have made you pull that stupid lever.”
Edwin gritted his teeth. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have listened.”
“Please don’t be upset with me,” begged Maddy. “We’re friends, remember?”
“Sure.” Edwin sighed. “Maybe you should go and get help.”
“Who from? The only people here are the Mad Professor and Lady Electric Knickers, and we don’t want them finding us. Maybe you can climb out.”
“It must be twenty feet or more,” groaned Edwin. “I’m not a superhero.”
Plus he was wearing a bin liner skirt, of course.
“I reckon it’s only fifteen feet at most.” Maddy tapped her dimpled chin as she pondered their dilemma. “I know. Throw your bag up to me. I’ll dangle it over the edge. Then you can jump and grab it, so I can pull you out.”
“You wouldn’t be strong enough,” said Edwin.
Maddy arched her green eyebrows. “Are you saying you’re fat?”
Edwin doubted if Maddy’s plan would work, but it was the only one they had right now.
“OK.” He slipped the bag from his shoulder. “I suppose it’s worth a try.”
“Hurry up then.” Maddy leaned over the shaft, arms stretched as Edwin swung the bag.
“Careful,” he warned. “It’s heavy.”
Edwin let go, and the bag flew upwards.
Maddy caught the bag deftly, and laughed.
Edwin laughed too. “Nice one. For a dweepy little girl you’re quite good at catch.”
Maddy continued to laugh, but it wasn’t a pleasant chuckle anymore.
“That was too easy,” she snorted. “Way too easy.”
Edwin wasn’t sure what she meant. “Huh?”
“I’m sorry,” said Maddy, with no hint of apology in her voice. “But now I’m going to leave you.”
“Leave me?” Edwin was confused. “I thought we were friends?”
“You don’t know who I am, do you?” Maddy leered down at Edwin, shaking her green head. “You still haven’t twigged, after all this time? But I know who you are. I saw through your pathetic disguise in seconds. A basic perception distortion spell won’t fool the likes of me. And as for the skirt and the hair… laughable.”
“The hair is very accurate,” retorted Edwin. “I spent hours making it.” And then he realised what Maddy had said. “You saw through my disguise? You know about spells? Who are you?”
“I’m no dweepy schoolgirl,” hissed Maddy. “I am none other than Malady Maddergrub, last of the once great Maddergrub Coven.”
“Coven?” Edwin felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. “You’re a… witch?”
“Yes,” said Maddy. “And you never knew. Which just goes to show how brilliant my magical disguise was.”
“What magical disguise?”
Maddy laughed again. “Behold my true countenance!” Then she took her glasses off.
Edwin had been expecting some monstrous transformation.
“You look exactly the same,” he observed. “Except without glasses.”
Maddy frowned. “Your point being?”
“Your brilliant magical disguise was basically a pair of glasses. That’s not really brilliant or magical, is it?”
“I haven’t had a lot of practice lately. But I will,” Maddy tapped the bag Edwin had thrown up to her. “Now I have the Tome Terriblis.”
The Tome! Only now Edwin realised what Maddy had really been after.
“That’s why you pretended to be my friend. You wanted to get your hands on my spell book.”
“It’s my spell book,” said Maddy. “And I intend to use it. For proper spells, not silly party tricks. Now I have work to do.”
“But Maddy,” cried Edwin. “You can’t leave me down here on my own. It’s dark and cold…”
“Then you shouldn’t have worn that skirt,” said Maddy. “You don’t have the legs for it, anyway.”
Maddy disappeared from view. Edwin shouted her name a few times, but there was no reply save the diminishing sound of skipping footsteps.
Edwin slumped despairingly against the wall. Maddy was supposed to be his friend. But she had betrayed him, treated him no better than all the rest.
He’d been right all along. Friends were nothing but trouble. He was better off alone.
Which was just as well, seeing as now he had no say in the matter.