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15
Where All the Dweeps Hang Out
Another boom of thunder sounded, and the sky lit up with a pulsing flash of silver. The storm intensified, and the playground tarmac dissolved into a haze of splashing raindrops.
Sheltering in the bike shed, Bryony shivered as she watched the worsening weather. It was probably just a summer storm, but to her it seemed like the world was ending.
Her world, anyhow.
The bike shed wasn’t really a shed, more a rusty metal frame with a plastic roof that stood in the corner of the campus; a place where the meek and bullied would shelter for respite, the last place in the world Bryony had thought she would ever end up.
And yet here she was, cowering and alone.
Leaning on one of the bike racks, Bryony raised a hand to wipe drops of water from her cheeks. She tried to convince herself it was rain, not tears, but as she thought about the morning’s events she couldn’t stop her eyes watering.
First Saffy and Jaz had disowned her, now the rest of the school had made her an object of ridicule.
There had to be an explanation, some reason for the morning’s bizarre events. A theory was forming in her mind. It was a mad theory, and couldn’t possibly be true. But Bryony had to be sure, so she delved into Edwin’s bag and opened his pencil case.
A whiskered snout poked out, and a pair of black button eyes fixed Bryony with an indignant stare. “Decided to talk to me now, have you?”
“I should have let the teachers confiscate you,” hissed Bryony. “Instead of pretending you’d escaped to the rubbish skip, which is where you belong.”
“I don’t know what you’re so huffy about,” said Stubby. “I thought we had an arrangement. I would offer my services to let you study in peace, in return for a daily ration of toasted cheese sandwich.”
Bryony shook her head. “You’re confusing me with someone else.”
“Someone with a brain,” agreed Stubby. “Or perhaps a basic sense of honour. We had a deal…”
“Forget the deal,” snarled Bryony. “And tell me if I’m a boy or a girl.”
Stubby cocked his head. “I know you finished bottom of the school, but there are some things you really shouldn’t need a teacher to tell you.”
“Just answer me,” demanded Bryony. “You think I’m Edwin, don’t you?”
Stubby blinked. “Of course you’re Edwin. There’s only one person I know who so effectively combines that blend of irritating and ginger.”
“But I’m not ginger.” Bryony showed Stubby a lock of her damp dark hair. “And I’m not irritating, either.”
“At the moment you’re doing little to convince me otherwise,” said Stubby. “And if you’re not Edwin, what on earth could possess you to put on his trousers?”
Bryony realised that was a valid point, and that nothing she could say would convince Stubby.
“You might not believe me, but Inglenook will. I’ll ask him when I get home.”
“You don’t have to wait that long,” said Stubby. “He’s inside your schoolbag.”
Bryony peered inside the bag and saw a flash of metal. “The Wychetts Key! How did that get in there?”
“I took the liberty of inserting the Key into your bag this morning.” Inglenook’s miniature metal features came to life as Bryony picked up the Key. “I needed to speak to you about something very important, young Master Edwin.”
“See,” said Stubby. “Old metal head knows who you are.”
“But I’m not Edwin,” howled Bryony. “I’m Bryony.”
Inglenook’s tiny eyes looked Bryony up and down, and his features creased with an unfamiliar look of bewilderment.
“My word, so you are. I apologise young Mistress, but I was sure you were your stepbrother.”
“No worries.” Bryony shot Stubby a victorious smirk. “You’re not the first one today who’s thought that: Jane, Saffy and Jaz, every kid in the school, and even big ears here. So what’s going on?”
“There can only be one explanation,” said Inglenook. “A magic spell has been placed upon you. A simple illusionary trick, but enough to fool those untutored in magical practices.”
“Of course I knew all along,” said Stubby, somewhat unconvincingly.
“An illusionary spell?” Bryony’s dark eyebrows knotted. “What does that mean?”
“It means you look like someone else,” said Stubby. “To be precise, you look like Edwin.”
Suddenly everything made sense to Bryony. Well, sort of.
“But who would put such a spell on me?”
Then she realised there was only one culprit.
“It was Edwin!” Bryony glared accusingly at Inglenook. “And you helped him do it.”
“I can assure you such a spell was not of my making,” said Inglenook. “Although I cannot vouch for young Master Edwin’s innocence in proceedings.”
“But the boy can’t do magic,” pointed out Stubby. “At least not without someone else’s help.”
“Not someone, but something.” Inglenook’s eyes narrowed. “And that something can only be the Tome Terriblis.”
Bryony was confused. “But I thought Edwin took it back to you.”
“I regret the Tome Terriblis was not returned to the library,” revealed Inglenook. “It was the reason I wanted to speak to young Master Edwin so urgently today. It would seem he has kept the Tome, and used its magic to make people think he was you, and vice versa.”
“But why would Edwin want people to think he’s me?” pondered Bryony. “I know I’m very cool and pretty, but I’m a girl. That’s just wrong, even by his creepy standards.”
“I suspect he doesn’t want to be you,” said Stubby. “He just wants people to think he’s you.”
“But why…” Then Bryony understood. “So he can go to that posh brainy school!” Then she laughed. “If he’d asked I would have gladly let him go in my place. But I don’t want people to think I’m him any longer. So please end the spell, Inglenook.”
“I am afraid I cannot, young Mistress.”
Bryony frowned at Inglenook. “But I thought the magic of the Wise Ones was the strongest magic of all?”
“And so it is,” confirmed Inglenook. “But it has not always been. Before the Wise Ones there were no laws governing the use of magic, and it was in this Dark Age of Chaos that the Tome Terriblis was created.”
Bryony shook her head. “I’m not with you.”
“I think I understand,” said Stubby. “The Tome Terriblis uses a different type of magic to the Wise Ones, hence Inglenook can’t reverse the spell.”
“I get it.” Now Bryony realised why Inglenook had been so anxious about the Tome leaving the library. “If anyone bad got hold of that spell book, you wouldn’t be able to counteract their magic. So the only way to reverse Edwin’s spell is to get the Tome back from him. I reckon he must have taken it to that posh brainy school. Let’s zap ourselves there and get it.”
“That is a good idea. But first I must pinpoint Master Edwin’s whereabouts.” Inglenook closed his little metal eyes. “It may take a few moments due to the electrical storms interfering with the magic pulse from Wychetts.”
Bryony fell silent, allowing the Keeper of the Ancient Wisdom to concentrate. Then she heard voices.
“There he is, look!”
“He was talking to himself again. It must be that ventrillywhatsit act he’s working on.”
The voices were familiar, and so was the sniggering that accompanied them.
Bryony looked round and saw Saffy and Jaz standing behind her in the bike shed. They were soaked, their normally immaculate hair bedraggled by the rain, but they grinned as though they’d just won the lottery.
Saffy and Jaz never went out when it rained, and Bryony could only assume they must have been desperate to hunt her down for some more merciless micky taking.
“Looks like you’ll be needing my help again,” said Stubby.
“I can look after myself.” Bryony stuffed Stubby into her blazer pocket. “You keep your pointy little face shut.”
“Hi.” Saffy smiled as she walked towards Bryony. “We thought we’d find you here.”
Jaz was smiling too. “The bike shed is where all the dweeps hang out.”
“Leave me alone.” Bryony squared up to her tormentors, taking care to hold the Wychetts Key behind her back. “Go find someone else to pick on.”
“We didn’t come here to pick on you,” said Saffy. “We just wanted to hang out for a bit.”
“Then I’ll go.” Bryony was prepared to brave the elements if it meant escaping another session of taunting.
“We meant hang out with you,” said Jaz.
“Me?” Bryony wondered if Edwin’s spell had ended, until Saffy spoke again.
“Yeah, Edwin. We want to hang out with you.”
Now Bryony was more confused than she’d been all morning. “Why do you want to hang out with Edwin?”
Saffy and Jaz glanced at each other. Bryony felt uneasy. Was this just another joke at her expense?
“It’s like this,” said Saffy. “We always thought you were a dweep. I mean, we still think you’re a dweep. Probably the dweepiest kid in the whole of Dweepdom. But you’re also funny.”
Jaz nodded. “That routine with the mouse was hilarious. We’ve never seen Walrus Wallwork so angry. We thought he was going to explode.”
Saffy and Jaz started laughing.
“You think I’m funny?” Bryony was still on guard. “Really?”
“Really.” Saffy nodded. “And funny is cool.”
Jaz agreed. “And we think you’re cool, Edwin.”
Bryony was taken aback. Saffy and Jaz had never called her ‘cool’ before, ever. Only trouble was, they thought she was Edwin!
“But do you really want to hang out with me?” Bryony was still struggling to grasp the turn of events. “I don’t think Bryony would like it.”
Saffy snorted. “Who cares what Bryony thinks?”
“We don’t want to hang out with her,” said Jaz. “She’s a brainy swot.”
“You’re much cooler than Bryony ever was,” said Saffy. “That girl is so dull.”
“Always was,” said Jaz. “We never really liked her.”
Bryony felt tears welling in her eyes again as the realisation sunk in.
Saffy and Jaz had never really liked her.
“I have located the young Master,” announced a deep cheery voice. “And will be ready to transport us there in just a few seconds.”
“Who said that?” asked Jaz.
“It was me,” blurted Bryony. “Part of my ventrillythingy act.”
“That’s a different voice to before,” said Saffy. “What happened to the mouse?”
“I ditched him.” Bryony ignored a muffled squeak of protest from her pocket. “That act was getting stale.”
“Do some more,” said Jaz, “and we’ll see if we can spot your lips moving.”
Bryony could feel the Wychetts Key tingling in her grasp, and knew that Inglenook would be transporting her away any second. The last thing she wanted was for Saffy and Jaz to see that happen.
“I don’t really have time for this,” said Bryony. “I’ve got stuff to do right now.”
“We don’t mind doing stuff with you,” said Saffy.
“It’s dweepy stuff,” warned Bryony. “Really dull, and not funny at all.”
The Key was now humming with power. Bryony gritted her teeth as she felt a tingling sensation in her fingers.
“Hold up,” she whispered to Inglenook. “You can’t zap me in front of those two.”
“We can delay no longer,” replied Inglenook. “I sense the young Master may be in danger.”
“He’s doing that voice again,” said Saffy. “And I didn’t see his lips move.”
“But he’s not being very funny,” said Jaz. “You’ll have to work on your gags, Edwin.”
“Please go,” begged Bryony. “It’s going to happen any second.”
“What is?” asked Saffy.
“He looks like he’s going to wet himself,” said Jaz.
“I am.” Bryony would have said anything to get rid of Saffy and Jaz. “And you don’t want to hang around with a kid who…”
A wave of power surged from the Key into Bryony’s hands, spreading up her arms and through her entire body. Then she was engulfed in light, a blinding light that obliterated everything around her. Saffy and Jaz’s faces faded from view, but their startled screams echoed in Bryony’s mind as she went tumbling through a vortex of swirling colours...