In the last year, Sarah has listened to a tremendous amount of music. An almost staggering amount. An average of two new bands a night, seven days a week for a year. Rock, pop, alternative, indie, folk, emo, punk. If it came out in the last year, she’s probably heard it. A dozen times. She invested in the best headphones money can buy and they practically swallow up her whole head (so you can either imagine very large headphones or Sarah having very small head). In the past year, she has become a veritable encyclopedia of albums, musicians, studios, and instruments (if you’re worried that this might give her a big head, you might pause and consider that it might be exactly what’s needed for her headphones to fit better).
So many of the songs make her think of him. There always seems to be some subtle or not-so-subtle reference to one of their break-ups. The thing about on-again/off-again relationships is that there are a lot of off-agains to sort through.
The one where she was at fault.
The one where he was at fault.
The one where they were both at fault.
The ones where nobody was to blame.
Some songs make her think that perhaps the last off-again was a terrible mistake.
Some songs remind her of why it terribly wasn’t.
Sometimes, she feels manipulated and sometimes, she realizes that everything is within her control. Everything is between her headphones.
It’s like the song where the protagonist (I originally typed “heroine” but that’s an awfully big load for a character to carry these days) is standing on the shore late at night looking out at the ocean. She sees a boat on the horizon and tries to imagine all of the lives going on onboard. Even if she was familiar with the make and model of the ship, the layout and number of passengers, there would be no way of really knowing what was going on below deck.
The way she feels when he thinks about her former love interest. The shimmering of the point of light that is the boat. The beauty of the ocean as the backdrop.
Not knowing what was going on between the gangway and where they bring in the cargo.
So twice a night, she familiarizes herself with the location of lifeboats, proper use of life vests and evacuation routes on the vessel, and gets ready to set sail and revisit somewhere new.
Sarah is really looking forward to the day when she can leave her house again.