My girlfriend Kelly and I are up in the Sierras on our way to see a gold miner we know. We stop by once a year on our way through just to say Hi and stay the night at his camp. We've known him for four years. We met him at George's camp where he was showing around a letter he'd gotten from SoSo Security. He has arthritis real bad, his hands are just claws most of the time even though he's only our age. He applied for SSI disability. The SSA letter said, and I shit you not, that although he doesn't have the full use of his hands, he's not totally disable because he could find work that didn't involve the use of his hands. We all sat around and tried to think of a real job where he wouldn't have to use his hands but couldn't think of even one. Anyway, here we are.
"Hey Jesus (pronounced Hey-soos), you here." I call.
He comes around the corner of his cabin with his .44 pointed right at me, "Oh it's you." he says, lowering the piece.
I ask him what's the trip.
He says, "Some Jesus (pronounced Gee-sus) freak cut my throat and I'm still a little jumpy."
We go, "WHAT?"
He says, “Come into the cabin and I'll tell you the story."
He sits with his back against the wall never letting go of the .44 and starts, "Me and Jasper (his best friend) decided to drink a little vodka one night, so I gave him the money and he went to the store and picked up a bottle. When he got back he had this older guy with him who he said he knew, and was it all right if Mack could have a drink with us. I said sure. It was evening so I cooked up some food and we ate supper. After supper we went outside and built a fire, then sat around talking and drinking that bottle. We sipped for a couple hours until the bottle was empty, then Jasper and Mack started discussing religion. Jasper, like me, thinks it's just a bunch of horse shit, but Mack is a born again Christian and says how great it is that he found Jesus. Mack asks my opinion and I tell him that there's two things that I don't discuss while I am drinking. And that's politics and religion. But Mack won't let up. He wants to know how I feel, especially since my name is Jesus and that I must have raised a Catholic. I tell him that it is none of his business and that it's time for me to go to bed, so him and Jasper should leave. They get up and head over to Jasper's pick up and I go over to the cabin.”
“Just as I get to the door, someone grabs my hair, jerks my head back then cuts my throat from ear to ear. Then for good measure, sticks me in the chest. I fall down and see Mack walk away. I hear Jasper's pick up start then go down the road. I think that I should be dead but I ain't, so I crawl over to my truck, drag myself in, start her up and drive to town as fast as I can (a three mile trip on a curvy mountain road). There's blood all over and I'm trying not to black out cuz I know if I do then it's all over. '
"Just as I get to the 76 station I see Mitchell’s car (the local CHP) and try to stop, but instead ram its rear quarter panel. Mitchell comes out of the station and is mad as hell screaming about his car. He jerks open my door, but before he can say anything else, I fall into his arms and croak, "I need a doctor."
"Mitchell lets go of me and I fall to the ground. He’s still screaming about his car and now his uniform when Jack (the attendant) comes out and says, "Jesus Christ Mitchell, call the fuckin’ ambulance."
"Mitchell comes to his senses and radios for help then just stands there watching me bleed all over the asphalt telling me to hang on. The medics come and take me to the hospital where they fix me up. They said the cut throat wasn't too bad, mostly just superficial, but the stab had just missed my heart and had collapsed a lung, and that it would take awhile to heal up. After I'm stabilized Mitchell wants to know what happened so I tell him and he goes looking for Mack."
"Next day Jasper comes over to see how I'm doing and says that Mitchell found him and Mack at his place, and has arrested Mack for attempted murder. I say, "Good, I hope they fry that cocksucker! And where the hell were you while I was gettin’ my throat cut?"
"Jasper tells me that he’s real sorry but he didn’t know cuz when they got to his truck, Mack said he had to pee and would be right back. After the visit, I give Jasper my truck keys and asked him to move it back to my place."
He says, "Sure."
"Next day Jasper visits me again. He tells me that when he picked up my truck Mitchell saw him and told him that when I got out of the hospital that he was going to ticket me for driving without current registration and reckless driving for hitting his car. Plus, he even wants me to pay for the uniform I ruined. Now I'm mad as hell. When the DA comes to see me to get my statement, I tell him what Mitchell had said. He says not to worry about it, that he will take care of Mitchell. I ask what Mack said about cutting my throat? He says that Mack says he was drunk and don't remember any of it. I ask what kind of time Mack is looking at? He tells me 15 years, but with good behavior he'll be out in half of that. I say that ain't enough. The DA says that's as good as it gets."
"I get out a week later and the first time I see that rat bastard Mitchell, I walk right up to that son of a bitch and say, "Hey Mitchell, what about them tickets you're going to give me, you chicken shit ass hole."
"We're in the Snak-Shak with everybody’s looking."
"Mitchell says, "What tickets? And you had better watch you're language when you talk to me Hey-soos."
"I look him right in the eyes and say, "Or what? You think you are man enough to run me in? You best not ever fuck with me again cuz if you do, then only one of us is going to walk away." Then I turn and walk away before he can answer."
"They had the trial six months later and after testifying, I told the judge what Mitchell had said and how he treated me with my throat cut. Mitchell was in court and heard every word I said. Then I told Mack that he better hope that he goes to jail, cuz if he don't, then I am going to hunt him down like the dog he is and put one right between his fucking eyes. The judge tells me to calm myself and to step down. On my way past Mack, I tell him that if I ever see him again, he is dead! The judge tells me to simmer down or it's me who is going to jail until I cool off. He then asks Mitchell if what I said about him was true, and that lying cock sucker says, "No your honor. Mr. Martinez is mistaken. I never said any of that."
"Jasper says that I should sue Mitchell. But I told him that I've had enough of courts and cops, and if he leaves me alone then I’ll let him be.”
We ask him how he's feeling and what Mack got.
"Mack got the 15 years, but will be out in 7. But if that son of a bitch ever does come back here then I will kill that cocksucker. I don't care what they do to me. I'll see that motherfucker dead." He pauses then goes on, "I'm feeling okay, except that I don't trust anyone anymore, and god help anybody who come up behind me. I never go any where without this." and hefts his .44 then continues, "I saw a lawyer about the SSI. He says I’ll get it for sure now, he'll see to it. If not for the arthritis then for the psychological problems I got from having my throat cut. He says I might have to see a shrink for awhile. But that's no big deal, so something’s good has come out of all of this whole mess."
We ask if Mack ever said why he did it.
"Naw, he says he just don't remember. But you know what really pisses me off the most? He never ever apologized to me for doing it. Now, how's that for your true Christian kindness?" he asks.
Kelly and I have no answer to that one, no answer at all.