One-handed Ray has been run out or thrown out of places than anyone that I've ever known. Not only has he been run out of towns big and small but he's also been run out of swap meets, stores, bars and even campgrounds. In fact, he's the only person that I know of that's been banned from two different National Forests by the Forest Circus Nazis. Some places just see him coming and will not even let him enter. He's not a dirty person either like you might think, he's always clean and well groomed, and it's not just the way he dresses, though that' a big part of it. After all, in the summer the only thing he wears is a clean pair of designer briefs and black shined shoes. In the winter he'll add a snap button long sleeve cowboy shirt although he never snaps the front closed. This does upset some folks, but it's the signs on the outside of his van that really gets the people going.
The first time my daughter saw them she was 16. She walked up to him and said, "Hey, what do those signs mean?"
Ray said, "Honey, you're just a little too young to know."
"No," she said, "I want you to tell me exactly what they mean."
"Baby," he said, "I just can't tell you."
She got pissed and said, "I am not your baby or your honey, and I think that those signs mean you are a filthy pervert!" then she stalked away.
So now I'm sure that you're curious as to just what these signs said. Well, it's not the usual, "The Wages Of Sin Is Death" or "Baby On Board" or even "Nuke A Gay Whale For Jesus". But going form bad to worse, "I Like To Screw All Night." "Tittle Lover" "Have You Been Stumped Today" " Free Mustache Rides” " Sex Fiend On Board" and the one that gets him in the most trouble, "I Eat Hairy Pussy"
I once asked him if these signs ever really got him any action.
He told me, "Why Tai, you'd be surprised. They get me all I can handle, and that's a lot. It's just the kind of action I like most too, married women in their 40's. They come late at night and leave before dawn. And the sign that gets me the most action is the pussy eating one. Because most of these women have never had it done to them before. And man, you know I love to eat that pussy.” He paused while licking his lips then continued, “A few though come for the stump." he said. Then he held up his left arm with the hand cut off right at the wrist that he lost in a car accident, "Man that really drives them wild."
I bet it does Ray, I just bet it does.