I‘ve lost a lot of friends during my life for all different kinds of reasons. Most just moved away and didn't bother to tell anyone where they went: Return To Sender. No Forwarding Address. Address Unknown. If you try to phone some computer voice tells you, "This number has been disconnected and no new number is available." These folks either just forget or don't seem to care and so are gone. And I understand this as I too have up and left a place on the spur of the moment then carelessly misplaced, lost or forgotten some good friends phone number or address never to see or hear from them again. The ones that I don't understand, are the friends I have lost due to their change of life styles or the ones who simply never want to see me ever again.
Sometimes it's because they come out of the closet. They’re gay now and can't have any of us hetro’s around to remind them of their perverted past when they indulged in the opposite sex. I’ve lost a lot of really close friends both male and female this way. "Sorry Tai.” they’ll tell me, “But I've got my gay life and my gay friends now, and I’d just rather you didn't come around anymore.”
Or sometimes it's because they turn to Jesus or Allah or Krishna or some other God or Guru or Life Philosophy. They cut their hair, shave off their beards or shave their legs and armpits then exchange dope and partying for their new "Holy" book or person, congregating only with only those of like mind and spiritually. At first, some might try to convert you but once they’ve decided you're a lost cause, they will give you the same speech as the gays use only substituting God for gay.
Others simply go straight. They’re tired of being poor or high all the time. Or they’re just tired of constantly having to deal with freeks or the cops, both of whom are always a hassle. They just can't handle being Free any more. They decide they want a nice house, a nice car, a good paying job, a nice spouse, maybe a couple of nice kids and a good dog to come home to in the suburbs. Since they now have kids, a wife and a job, they certainly can't have sex, dope and you around anymore so it's, "I know we’re friends, but please don't come around anymore. I've got a reputation to maintain and besides, I have to much to lose now."
Of course, some will still smoke grass every once in awhile, but now it's got to be the expensive $400 an ounce killer nug name brand rip off shit. Also, it's never if front of the children. It's behind their locked bedroom door with incense burning. Their kids of course, know what Mom and Pop are up to. Hell, even with the incense you can still smell pot, but the kids don't care because they're smoking their own cheap weed in their bedrooms with their door closed, so now everyone is participating in the lie. You know it is kind of funny in a sick way too. Because 30 years ago these same people were hiding behind locked bedroom doors, except it was from their parents instead of their kids. What a sad joke.
The friends I've lost that I understand the least are the ones who decide they simply do not want to be friends with me anymore. They haven’t changed their life styles or moved. They just don’t want me in their lives. "I love you Tai.” they say, “But you've gotten too ____ (fill in the blank; crazy, stupid, dangerous, sick, weird, etc.) lately. I will always remember the fun we had, but from now on, please just stay out of my life. Good bye."
I still have some of these folk’s addresses and every now and then just for fun, I’ll send them a post card from some exotic place I’m in. Or sometimes a Christmas card in which I’ll include my current address. Sad to say, never have any of them ever answered back. I am sorry you don't want to be friends any more or even want me around, but it's your life and your choice. And really, it's too bad for both of us. Life is too short to take too seriously. As my friend Paul says, "If ya ain't got your friends then you ain't got nuthin’. Because real friends are the most important things in life and you can't have too many of them." Right on Paul! I totally agree as long as you include your family as your friends, because you never know when Death is going to come along and snatch one of them away from you forever.
Sometimes you know He's coming for somebody, but sometimes you'll be partying with a friend one night, then the next morning they will be dead. Sometimes it’s an accident, sometimes it’s not. I've lost a lot of friends, far too many, to all the ways of dying; accidents, suicide, cancer, aids, heart attack. Or the self-induced forms of slow death; alcohol, heroin, downers, which are all just forms of suicide too, they simply take longer getting there. You can even pull them aside telling them, "Hey man, if you do not cut it out and quick, then you will be dead and soon!"
They'll either deny it or looking you right in the eye say, "Yeah I know, but who cares.” or, "So what. Life sucks anyway." or, "It's none of your business what I do so keep your opinions to yourself."
Even if you tell them you really do care and that this life is wonderful. They won't listen. Then one day they will no longer exist and you will have lost another friend.
Then there are the sudden suicides. Someone will come knocking on your door and when you open it there will be one of your friends looking sad shaking their heads and saying, “Did ya hear? (Insert name here) ____ killed themselves last night. They ____ (jumped off a building, took a bunch of downers, blew their head off, slit their wrists, etc.).”
My first reaction is: I always smile because they've got to be joking. Life is far too sweet, far too much fun and way too short for anybody to do that. Sure, we’ve all thought about doing it. There is quite an attraction to eternal peace. But to actually end it all when you are still young and healthy... The person at the door just has to be kidding. They never are. Then I get mad. How dare they leave me with one less friend in this world! Most of the people I've known who actually did kill themselves did so suddenly. They almost never talked about it before hand other than saying something like, "I wonder what it's like to be dead." They just go into their room one night or out for a walk one day and then, you never see them again. They almost always leave a note, most of which do not make a hell of a lot of sense like; "Life is a rerun, so..." "All Death Is Suicide, so..." "It's my choice and my fate, so..." "I have completed my journey in this life and there's nothing left for me to do on this earth, so..." And my all time favorite, "Well, here goes nothing...” All of these people were under 35 and healthy. I just do not understand it.
But if the suicides are bad, then it's the accidents that are the worst and the hardest to accept. One minute your friend is partying and enjoying life then a car goes off a road, or they trip and fall, or they touch some bad wiring and are no more. If it's an adult then it's absolutely horrible but if it's a child then..... Well, there's just no way to describe the pain and the anger. They say that time heals all wounds but I don't believe this is true. Maybe you might think about the people you have lost to death less, but whenever you do the ache is still there. And it always hurts just as bad.
These are the friends I have lost. I don't need to name them. You know who they are. They're the same friends and loved ones that you too have lost over the years. I am so glad that I got to know you all and got to share your lives with you even for this short time. It has been so much fun. To all of you who are no longer my friends and to all of you who still are, I Thank You!
And to paraphrase Mr. Spock: “LIVE LONG, BE HAPPY, AND PROSPER”