Cowboy Bob has been hanging around for the last couple of weeks and he is finally getting to try LSD. He's a young redneck who's heard about all them thar evil drugs and has decided to see for hisself just what all the fuss is about. I met him while hitching back from the market in town, a distance of 8 miles. He came roaring to a stop in his big black Pontiac with the biggest engine they make in it. As we went down the road somehow we got on the subject of how he'd never gotten stuck because he was such a good driver.
I told him that he'd probably get stuck if he tried going up me driveway since it had been raining a lot and it was very muddy. He told me that he'd bet me $5 that not only could he get up my driving frontways, but that he'd go back down backwards, and he hadn't even seen my driveway yet.
I told him "You're on."
Even if I lost I’d still get a ride home because the last two miles were on a little used road and I’d usually had to walk it. We got to the bottom of the drive, which is about a thousand feet long with a slight upward incline. Bob looks, then says "No sweat." He punches the gas and we go flying up the drive. At the top, where I and four other freeks live in a barn that's sort of been converted into a house and is surrounded by 80 acres of walnut trees, Bob hits the brakes. I get out and hand the groceries to a couple of the freeks who've come out to see who's just come up the drive. I tell them that I'll be back in a few minutes. Bob throws her into reverse, smiles, tells me to get that $5 ready and hits the gas. We almost get to the end when Bob looks over at me, puts his hand out for the five, and not looking where he's going, plows straight into the mud and gets quickly buried up to his axles.
I smile, put my hand out and say, "Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.”
Bob looks at me, hands me the $5 crying, "If I hadn't looked away, I’d of made it."
We have no electric, no phone and no car so Bob and I walk to the road, maybe something will come along that can pull him out. I ask him if he'd like to smoke a joint while we wait.
He says "Sure." then "Can you get me any of that LSD?"
I say "Sure." then "But look what’s coming down the road."
It's a jeep. We flag it down, explain what happened and ask for a pull out. The kid driving says "Sure, five bucks.”
Bob looks at me and says, "Man, that was my last five, think you can loan it to me?"
Oh well, easy come, easy go. I hand the kid the five, puts a rope on the Pontiac and is jerked it out. Bob goes roaring down the road and I figure that I'll never see him or that $5 again. I was half right.
The next Sunday that black Pontiac comes roaring up the driveway. Bob gets out, goes around to the passengers side and lets out a babe who be introduces as his wife Nancy. We had some friends up from the that weekend, one of whom was the infamous ner-do-well and dope dealer Gyro, and when he see Nancy it's lust at first sight. She is his favorite female type, a redhead with freckled milk white skin and big tits. He asks her and Bob if they'd like to get high. Gyro always carries an assortment of goodies with him. He asks them if they would like some grass, acid, coke, speed, or Ludes, his current favorite. Bob says that he'd like to try some of that LSD, but Nancy tells him no, that it's too dangerous. She says that she'd like to try some cocaine though, so cocaine it is.
They hang out for the day smoking and having a fine time. When it starts to get late they say that it's time to go because they both have to work tomorrow, he's a mechanic and she's a LVN but here's their address and if we’re in town (40 miles away) then to drop by otherwise, maybe they’ll see us next weekend. As soon as they leave Gyro grabs that address then starts scheming on how to separate Bob from Nancy long enough to get into that redheads pants.
Next weekend they come over again and although they're friendlier and more out going than last Sunday, basically they're still straight folk who are partying with the hippies. They'll smoke dope but they won't skinny dip in the creek with the rest of us even though it's summer and really hot. Gyro's back this weekend too, still scheming on how to get that redhead into bed. He tells us that he'll be staying all week and has brought plenty of supplies with him. Bob and Nancy leave at sundown again but just before they go, Gryo tells them that he'll be in their town this week and will drop by to see them.
They say, "Fine, see you then." then leave.
Next day Gyro goes over and plies them with drugs and even spends the night. When he comes back to our place he says that Nancy was giving him signals and it's only a matter of time until they are naked together.
Next Sunday when the black Pontiac comes up the drive, Bob gets out alone saying that Nancy don't feel like partying this week. Gyro sees his opportunity and asks Bob if he'd still like to try some LSD. Bob says that he sure would. Gyro then hands him an orange barrel and tells him that the tripp last for 8 hours, and that he shouldn't be driving so he'll have to stay here to tripp.
Bob says, "Okay, sounds good to me." He pops the acid then asks, "What's going to happen now?"
"You'll see." is all we say.
Gyro waits half an hour until Bob starts feeling those old time body rushes to make sure that he's getting off then, well, he's got to be going. He jumps in his van and splits. Bob tripps around for about two hours, having a good time. He tells us WOW! How beautiful everything is and how much he loves us. We agree and tell him that we love him too, the usual first tripp. Then he gets antsy, he wants to go home and tell Nancy how much he loves her. We tell him that it is not a good idea. That he won't even be peaking for another couple hours and that driving under the influence of acid is tricky and dangerous even for experienced heads. That it would be best for him to wait here with us at least until after he peaks. Also, he might peak in his car and being the first time that he won't know what to expect and that he should peak around friends who can look out for him, but he won't listen. He's got to be going and he's got to be going. NOW! Well, at least let one of us drive him home.
Boy was that the wrong thing to say. Nobody questions Cowboy Bob's ability to drive under any circumstances, plus nobody drives Cowboy Bob's car but Cowboy Bob. He jumps in his car, is down the drive and gone. We can only hope for the best.
Little over an hour later Gyro's van comes rolling up the drive. When he gets out he's sporting a brand new black eye so of course, we all want to know just what happened.
Gyro tells us the tale, "I got to their house and Nancy opens the door and tells me that Bob's gone over to our place. I tell her that it's too bad I missed him, but as long as I was there, would she like to smoke a joint."
"She says, "That sounds good." and invites me in"
"We burn the J and talk a bit, then I ask her if she'd like to snort some coke, and she says "Of course."
"We snort a few lines then I ask if she'd like a Lude. She asks what it is, so I tell her. She says that she's heard about them and would like to try one. I give it to her then tell her that it works better with a little alcohol. She gets up and gets us a couple beers."
"We sit around talking and snorting a few more lines until I can see by her eyes that she's high, then ask if she'd like a massage. "That sounds real good." she purrs."
"I get her clothes off and go to work on her outside until pretty soon I'm massaging her inside too, and let me tell you, she is one hot and wild redhead . After we're all done she wants to take a shower. I say "Mind if I join you?" and pretty soon we're playing drop the soap and hide the salami."
"All of a sudden we hear, "Honey, I'm home."
"Nancy jumps up, slam the door shut and locks it. A very bad move, because Bob immediately knows something's up. Bob starts pounding on the door, yelling to open up or he'll break it down. Nancy's telling him to be cool, that nothings happening, that she just wants a little privacy is all. I'm hiding behind the shower curtain not knowing what to do. Bob say that unless she opens up, and NOW! Otherwise he's going for his shotgun.”
“Nancy opens the door, telling him not to do anything foolish, and I am praying that he will listen to her. Bob rips the shower curtain down, sees me standing there naked and punches me right in the eye. Nancy grabs him telling him to calm down, that nothing has happened, that he should come upstairs with her and that she will make everything all right, that he knows that she loves only him. I can see by Bob's eyes that he is high as hell and confused, that it is just not in his heart to kill me, so I just stand there. He takes another swing at me, but he just hits my chest. Nancy drags him out the door still telling him to come upstairs with her, that she loves him and that she will make it all right. They go up the stairs, I grab my clothes and get the hell out of there FAST! And here I am."
I ask him if it was worth it.
He finger's his black eye, smiles and says, "Fucking A!"
"Well," I say " we surly won't be seeing them again."
But I was wrong again.
The very next day here comes that black Pontiac up the drive. We tell Gyro to hide, he does and we go out to meet Bob, but Bob gets out smiling and Nancy's with him. Bob says that he's here to apology to Gyro for hitting him and they would like to invite us to a party at their house Friday night after work. Well, ain't life strange. They spend the evening partying with us. When it gets late they leave saying "See you all Friday." and wave bye-bye.
It's Friday and we are ready to party. Gyro made a fast trip to the City for more goodies including a whole jar of Quaaludes, the ultimate party favor. So Gyro, Lindsey, Spyder, Pie Makin’ Marie, Sarah Sweets and yours truly all pile into Gyro's van, smoke a doobie and are ready to roll. When we get to their house at dusk they're waiting at the door and they even have supper ready. After we eat Gyro breaks out his Dealer McDope game and saying that tonight we will be playing with Ludes, then sets the jar in the middle of the board. After smoking a few numbers, snorting a couples of lines and washing it all down with a jug of dago red, the game commences.
With eight people playing it takes a long time to get around the board and in fact, we barely make it around twice before the Ludes kick in and everybody's got their clothes off except for Bob and Nancy, who stand there and just watch. We try to pull them into the pile but they say no, it's too soon for them then they retire upstairs to their bedroom.
A few minutes later Bob comes down and asks if Lindsey and I would like to join Nancy and him upstairs. Well why not? When we get up there, Nancy’s already naked so Bob whips his clothes off and goes to work or her. Now it's Lindsey's and my turn to watch. Bob looks up and says, "Let's switch."
I look at Lindsey, she shrugs okay and the four of us spend the night together switching off every now and then, and Gyro was right, Nancy is one hot and wild little redhead. The next morning everyone downstairs asks how it was upstairs. Bob and Nancy just grin and ask us all to spend the night with them again.
That day we all spend the day together kicking back doing dope and wait for it to get dark so we can have a fullfledge orgy. One must conserve one's energy you know. It's late enough, dinner's over so we all take the usual doses of dangerous drugs. It's time to PARTY! Gyro says that he has a special treat for us tonight, something that will really makes us feel good, two grams of opium. We all go "Ouuu" and "Ahhh" and start smoking. Now the thing about 0 is, a little not only makes you feel good but horny too, but you have to be careful because a little too much and well, the boys just can't get it up. And this is exactly what happens. Here are four hot willing ready babes raring to go and us guys are about as hard as wet noodles. We take another Lude each to see if that'll help but no, nothing. We try though, we use our fingers, our tongues, even our toes. But it's useless and pretty soon the girls lose interest too, so we all just lay in a big pile, naked and dreaming.
In the morning we try and salvage last night’s disaster but it 's just not the same. We all bitch at Gyro for breaking out the 0 too soon, but he moans "Well, you didn't have to smoke it, did ya?"
Sure Gyro, sure. We leave telling Bob and Nancy that we can do it again next week if they like.
They say, "Yeah, sure, maybe."
Gyro goes over to their house a couple days later but Nancy meets him at the door, telling him that they're busy and closes it in his face. Sounds like trouble in paradise to us. Sure enough, Bob comes over on Friday to tell us that him and Nancy are splitting up for awhile.
He's packed his shit, quit his job and is on his way to Berkeley where the action is. He asks Gyro if he will give Nancy a ride to the City tomorrow because she too has quit her job and wants out of the country for some city living. Gyro doesn't have to be asked twice.
Next morning Gyro asks if anyone else wants to go to the City. Pie Makin’ Marie, a girl aptly named because not only did she make pies all the time with an all time record of 18 pies in one day, but they were the best that I've ever tasted, and I say that we'll go. Gyro's happy, he needs a driver because he has plans for Nancy. We get to their house and Bob's there too.
Nancy and him are arguing, basically he's saying, "Let's give it another chance." and she's saying "No way."
We help Nancy pack her stuff into the van. Just as we're about to leave Bob grabs Nancy's arm but she whirls around and kicks Bob square in the chest so hard that he lands on his ass. Nancy says, "I told you. It's over!"
Bob looks up at her, laughs and says, "I guess it is, babe. I guess it is."
Gyro tells me to drive and down the road we go. Nancy and Gyro are making out in the back which he's fixed up with a bed when I hear, "Goddamn it Gyro, have you been smoking opium again?"
He says something softly and Nancy says "I don't care what your excuse is, I'm horny."
When I hear that, I pull the van over to the side of the road, jump in back and tell Gyro, "You're driving."
He says "No."
But Nancy says, "Yes."
Gyro gives it up, gets in the driver’s seat and drives while I fuck Nurse Nancy all the way to San Francisco.