Man, what a strange tripp that was. But hey, I feel pretty good. In fact, I feel fucking great! It all started last night. After dinner my commune mates and me were all feeling fairly mellow having smoked a J or three and drinking a little wine to help wash down the nerdle of purple micro-dot, just enough to catch a buzz. The dishes were done and we’re all sitting around the living room listening to the stereo and talking with each other about the scene here in San Francisco. There's a knock at the door and in breezes in some friends of ours with a Yogi in tow. They tell us they're on their way to Sausalito for a recording session with said Yogi to record some mantras. Do we want to join them?
We think about it but most of us, including me, decide that it's too far, it's too late and since we're all already feeling fine, why bother. Our friends say, "Okay, but you're going to miss a good party."
But the Yogi's gets a little hot, like we just insulted him or something and says sarcastically to us, "Well, we must be going. So sorry to have intruded upon your little lives." then he leaves.
We all thought this a bit rude and were glad that we didn't go. But fuck it, who cares what some religious nut thinks about us, let's smoke another one. My wife Lindsey and I go to bed shortly afterward. The micro-dots buzz is about gone and we’re tired. I fall right to sleep.
Sometime later something wakes me. It's still dark and there are no sounds other than the usual city noises. No one's up in the house but for some reason I am really scared. I look around the room. Lindsey's asleep. Nothing’s out of place that I can see. Then my eye catches sight of a shadow moving across the ceiling and that 's what scaring me. I quickly shift my gaze away but I still know it's there. I can feel it.
I think, 'Hey, it's only a shadow. What am I frightened of?' and I shift my eyes back. I start starring at it thinking, 'Okay, let's see it. What am I so afraid of?'
The shadow starts moving and changing. It acquires depth and starts pulsing. Then a deep menacing voice says, "Stop Looking At Me!"
Now this scares me worse but I keep staring thinking that I am not going to quit looking until I see whatever it is. The shadow starts growing until it's covers the entire ceiling. Plus it's getting deeper and blacker, and it's pulsing faster now.
The voice says, "Stop Looking At Me Or I Will Kill You!"
I’m still scared but I say, "Kill me then, but I am not going to stop looking until I see what you are."
The voice answers, "Stop Looking At Me Now! Or I Will Do Worse Than Kill You. I Will Drive You Totally Insane Turning You Into A Vegetable For The Rest Of Your Life!"
Now this really frightens me. Dying is bad enough but being strapped to a wheelchair, drooling and shitting my pants for the next 40 or 50 years would be really horrible. But I don't care. I am tired of being afraid so I say, "Then give me your worst, but I ain't stopping staring. Show me!"
The voice bellows, "BEHOLD!"
The shadow draws in on itself then explodes outward. A new form is standing there before me in the blackness. And well, you know who He is. He's got cloven hooves, hairy legs, but a hairless muscled upper body that's all a shiny reddish black with a weird looking goats head sitting atop His shoulders that has two regular goat eyes, plus a third one right in the middle of His forehead. He's got spiral horns and pointed ears with smoke pouring out of them and fire coming out His nose. In one hand He's got some rusty old iron shackles that He's clanking at me and in His other hand a sharp pointed gleaming spear (I didn't see no tail). He's standing not three feet in front of me and He's frothing at the mouth having a regular fit screaming, "Now You Will Submit Or Die!"
Man O Man! This is what I'm afraid of? I am so relieved that I start laughing, which only pisses Him off worse.
He starts jabbing the spear right in my face yelling, “SUBMIT! You Will SUBMIT!"
I smile saying, "I don't need you anymore, but thanks for all you've done for me. I Love You. Now go in Peace."
He rants and raves a bit more and when He sees that I mean what I say He makes himself even more hideous looking while screaming at me, “YOU WILL SUBMIT!”
I just look at Him with Love. With that He shrieks one last time then explodes onto a million pieces of Light, kind of like a 4th of July skyrocket, all glittery and floaty. One by one the pieces start winking out. As they do it gets darker and darker. I am floating in blackness of the void and the lights keep going out. I think that maybe I am dead but I don't care. At least I'm not afraid anymore
Finally, all the pieces but one has winked out. But that one piece has started spinning and growing larger. It's getting brighter too and is coming my way, and I feel Peace. As it gets closer I can see that it's a Diamond. The Light it's putting out is pure dazzling white which then refracts itself into millions of multi-colored Rainbows. It comes right up to me, moves over my head and bathes me in its Light, and I feel Joy. I look down at my body floating there in the emptiness of space and see my chest open up. I can see my own blood filled beating Heart, then it too opens. Emerging from my crimson Heart are some old brown fingers, then a hand, then a forearm. The hand is facing me and it is in the form of a benediction.
The Light says, "I Love You. I Have Always Loved You. No Matter How Bad, Or How Good You Are, I Will Always Love You As I Love You Here And Now."
The brown old hand withdraws down into my open chest and then back into my still beating Heart. My Heart closes then my chest, and I am filled with Pure Compassionate LOVE. I now know that I am truly Blessed.
I’m back in my room and it's dawn. Lindsey's still asleep and everything looks normal. I hear a bird singing and glance out the window to look it but instead of seeing the bird, I see this sign drawn on the window.
How it got there I do not know. It wasn't there before but that doesn't matter. It's Here Now and so am I.