"I’d like to try some LSD." says Kate.
She lives around the corner from us. We met her and her lover Susan a little over a year ago and they have been partying with us ever since. In fact Kate, other than Pat, has become Lindsey's and mine best friend. We hang out together almost every day and have even made her the Godmother to our daughter, well, Fairy Godmother that is. Susan works but Kate can't seem to find a decent job or keep one long if she does because of her in you face attitude and the way she looks. She's 24, about 5'10" and slim which is okay but she chops her hair off real short and will wear only blue jeans, men's work shirts and sandals. She'll put on a Navy pea coat when it's cold and a big floppy black hat. She also swears a blue streak and let's everyone just what her opinion is on all subjects, as I said, she does not last long at any job but she does like to party and so does Susan even though they use only booze and pot. When she told me that she wanted to try some acid I said that I would be glad to turn her on for her first tripp, and that Lindsey and I would even guide her so that she wouldn't get hung up on anything.
We asked her if she wanted to try a day or night tripp. She asked us the difference. We told her that a night tripp was much more majickal but sometimes more frightening while a day tripp was more fun but weird. She picked a day tripp fore the first excursion into the realms of her mind.
The next morning she comes over about 10 a.m. and drops a purple micro-dot. For the first few hour the tripp was the usual “Oh Wow! Look At This.” “Every Thing Is So Beautiful.” “I Never Knew It Could Be Like This.” “I Love You Guys." "I Love Everybody And Everything" etc.
We ask her if she wants to go out to the park or do something else.
She says no, that she would rather just stay in our house and back yard. Everything was going along smoothly when all of a sudden she starts weeping, not an uncommon occurrence. We ask her what’s wrong but she won't tell us. We’re sitting on the sofa with some of the other members of the house who were hanging out that day so I suggest to her that she, Lindsey and I go downstairs to Kerry's room where she could have some privacy. She can unburden herself then feel better, which was the usual case in this situation. We went down to Kerry's room but instead of telling us what’s wrong, she just starts crying harder. We try to comfort her, telling her that it’s no big thing, that if she would just let go of it and let it out then she would be okay again.
Finally she blurts out, "I Hate my life so much that sometimes I think I would be better off DEAD!"
We ask her why she feels this way but she wouldn't tell us and just kept sobbing, so we ask her, "Are you and Susan having trouble?"
"No."
"Is it because you can't keep a job?"
"No."
"Are you sick with something bad?"
"No."
We must of ask her a dozen questions to which she answers, "No."
Finally I say, "Come on Kate, just tell us. It can't be that bad."
She looks up at us and screams, “It's Because I'm So Goddamned UGLY!"
Lindsey and I just start laughing. Kate stops crying and looks at us with real hate then says, "You think that it's funny that I am ugly?"
Lindsey says, "No Kate, we're laughing because that is one of the stupidest reason to be upset over that I have ever heard of in a long time because you are not ugly."
I agree and tell her so, then say, "It's not like you have a real problem like cancer or even herpes."
Kate looks at us and says, "What do you mean. Look At ME! I Am UGLY!" Then she starts crying again.
I pull her to her feet, and start unbuttoning her shirt. She stops me and asks what the hell I thought I was doing. I laugh and say, "Not what you think, Katie me girl. I am just going to show you that you are not ugly."
She looks scared and says, "I don't want to do this.”
Lindsey say, "What's the matter Kate, afraid to let go of your stupid self image?" then takes off all of her clothes "Well, I am not afraid or ashamed to look at myself."
I take off all of my clothes too then we both stand there naked looking at Kate.
Kate says, "No, I’m not afraid." and takes off all of her clothes too.
Kerry has a full length mirror in her room so we all walk over to it and stand in front of it. I say, "Look at your feet Kate, anything wrong with them? They look just like Lindsey's and my feet, don't they?"
"Yes." she admits.
"And what about your legs, they look pretty good, don't they?"
"Well, they are kinda hairy." she says.
Lindsey tells her "If you don't like the hair then just shave it off."
I say, "Look at your bush, hips and stomach, anything wrong with them?"
"No."
“Your titties are small but they do have a cute little shape." says Lindsey.
I continue, "Your arms are fine too, aren’t they? Now turn around. Look at you ass and back, nothing deformed back there is there?"
Kate looks over her shoulder and says, "Yeah, they're all right." then turns back around and faces the mirror.
I say, "So, you see anything wrong with your body? Look at Lindsey's, see any real difference between the two?"
Lindsey says, "All I see is two beautiful females bodies.
Kate looks surprised and says, "I do look okay." but then she looks up, darkens and says, "But My Face Is So UGLY!"
Before she car start crying again I say, "I don't see anything wrong with it. It looks like a nice face to me."
Lindsey says, "The only thing wrong isn't your face, it's your hair. You got beautiful thick black hair but you just chop it up then just let it just hang there."
Kate says, "You guys really think I have a nice face?"
I say, "You have two beautiful brown eyes, a nice nose, a pretty mouth when you smile," which she does, "a strong chin and small ears. So where's the problem?"
Kate looks then says, "But it's so plain."
Lindsey laughs saying, "Then pluck them caterpillars above your eyes, put a little make up and earrings on, and get a decent hair cut, then you will be beautiful!"
We grab Kate and hug her and then all three of us are laughing. Kate lets go of us and looks in the mirror again and says, "I'm not ugly. I am pretty. There is nothing wrong with me. I Do Look GOOD!"
We are all happy and hug and kiss one another. We spend another hour or so in Kerry's room sitting nude and just talking together about nothing or just being silent. Kate then gets up, puts her clothes back on and tells us that she wants to go home. We ask if she wants us to come along with her. She says no, that she wants to be alone and think about what has happened today. Since she's peaked, we say okay and kiss her good bye. She leaves and we do not see her again for a long time.
A few days later Susan comes over and this time she's the one who's crying. She says, "Kate was acting funny for the last couple of days and when I got home from work today she told me that she had to leave, that she had to change her life and was leaving me. She was already packed. She told me that she loved me but couldn't stay. That it had nothing to do with me, then she told me to tell everyone good bye for her, kissed me and then left. I can't believe it, we were so happy together. "
We ask if Kate had told her about her acid tripp.
Susan says, "No. She hardly talked at all the last few days. What acid tripp?"
When we tell her all about it she says, "That must be the reason then."
We tell her that she will be all right. She' young and beautiful and even has a good paying job. She laughs a little at that, then says, "I know I'll be okay. It's all just so sudden and now I'll worry about her. What will she do?" and she is crying again. We tell her that Kate's a big girl and can take care of herself and that maybe she will even be back when she sorts everything out. Kate doesn't come back and a month later Susan has a new live in lover who does not like us so we almost never see Susan after that.
Two years later Lindsey and I are walking up in Diamond Heights, a section of the City we never go to because the folks there are totally square. The only reason we are here in because Joanne is working in a house of ill repute servicing straight guys for $50 to $100 a whack, which she got to keep half of. She asked us to come by and meet the girls. It’s a small two story house with a living room/bar downstairs where the girls hang out all wearing either teddy's, bustier's or baby doll PJ’s. The bedrooms were upstairs. After the visit we though that we would walk back to the commune on 22nd where Lindsey now lives with Spider.
As we're walking Lindsey elbows me saying, "Look who's coming down the street."
I see her and smile.
She hesitates, then walks up to us. Kate has totally changed, her hair is long and nicely cut, she has make up on, is wearing jewelry, perfume and a flower print scoop neck dress and has on nylons and white pumps, she is even carrying a purse.
We say, "Hey, hey! Really good to see ya. What's been shaking with you?" We are really glad to see her and go to hug her.
But she takes a step back and holds out her hand for us to shake saying, "Hi, good to see you again. How have you two been? You both looks about the same."
We give her the skinny then say, "But what about you? You are totally changed."
She tells us, "I am married now."
We cut in, "To a man?"
"Yes." she, says, "To a good Christian man who knows all about my past and we now have a 6 month old beautiful baby boy."
Lindsey and I are floored, we can hardly believe it, it must be a look alike Kate or a pod Kate or even Kate's evil twin.
She continues, "We go to church regularly and I now have a very good life."
After we get over the shock, we are happy for her and say so. Then we ask when can we come over to see her baby.
She says, "I hope you understand, but I can't have anyone from my past in my life anymore, so I would rather you didn't ask me where I lived or ever try to see me again. Bill and I have discussed this with our pastor and I have talked about it with my doctor (shrink) and we all feel that it's best that I make a clean break, put the past behind me forever and live my new life. Bill says that he forgives me, and I know that God does, and I am working on forgiving myself for how I use to live. It’s hard, but I have Bill's, and Gods Love, and my doctors advice to help me along. So please, just forget about me."
Kate has gone totally nuts and unless we dosed her then and there, there is just no way to cut through that kind of craziness. We tell her that we understand (but we don't) and wish her good luck with her new life. We say good bye to one another and never see her again.
We've seen this kind of shit before and will again, but still it always hurts to lose a friend. As we watch her walk away Lindsey says, "I liked her a lot better as a dyke. She was fun."
Me too, Lindsey, me too.