Ahhh... Another hard day of pumping iron behind me so now I can relax with my 10 cent a bottle of Spanish beer and enjoy the rest of the day all by myself in this very pretty campground. I’ve just finished my first day of bicycling the Coats Brava on the Mediterranean coast in northern Spain and it was a motherfucker. I’d ride about half way up a hill, walk up the rest with people whizzing by honking their horns and yelling at me to ride up. I’d just think, ‘easy for them to say from behind the wheel of their cars.’ Before here I was in southern France for a week and it was fairly flat but as soon as I hit Spain it was one steep hill after another, and I’ve been told it’s like this all the way to Barcelona, my next destination. In France I would do an easy 60 or 70 klicks a day, here on the Costa Brava today I might have done 40. The good part is, as soon as I hit Spain it quit raining and the prices for everything dropped by at least 2/3’s but so did the quality. But I’m here now and since it’s so early in the season other than the caretaker there’s not another soul in the campground. It’s on a tree covered grassy plain in a small river valley with the river running right through it flowing down to the sea. I pitched my tent under a tree about 100 yards from the beach, took a hot shower then popped open a beer. I bought enough food in the last village so I got nothing to do the rest of the day but trip around and hang out.
Just around sundown as I’m relaxing in my tent, I hear some voices coming my way. I look out through the mosquito netting and see a young couple headed my way. They stop next to my tent, have a bit of a discussion (I can tell by their voices their English), unstrap their packs then pitch their tent right in front of mine. They’re maybe 10 feet from me in this totally empty campground. What a couple of dorks! This pisses me off so much that being instead of coming out, being my usual friendly self and chatting with them, I stay in my tent thinking of about some the other times this has happened to me...
Like the time Kelly and me were camping on a secluded beach in a very untouristic part of Mexico. There was no one and nothing there, just the sea, the beach and the jungle. One day we had to go to the closes big town for supplies (a journey of 45 kilometer’s each way). When we got back there was a tent not only right next to us, but it was even using our tent pegs. Outrageous! I yelled to see if these dipshits were around, they weren’t so I tore out our tent pegs and move us down the beach a couple hundred yards. This of course collapsed their tent but I couldn’t have cared less. A few hours later here comes a couple young German guys down the beach. They see us and come over for a chat. They’re nice enough so I ask them why they put their tent right on top of ours. They tell me that they didn’t have enough tent pegs and thought we wouldn’t mind if they shared ours. I tell them to go and cut some of their own pegs and not to camp so close to us again.
Another time at just about sundown we were camping on a very unpopulated beach on Maui when a woman in her mid 20’s comes walking down the beach. She stops for a chat and asks us the trip. We give her the skinny. There’s no problem, just enjoy paradise, but instead of continuing on her way, she hangs around us. She’s pleasant enough so we don’t mind. When it’s time to go to sleep I build Kelly and me a sand bed. The girl asks what I’m doing? I tell her that you have to build the sand up a good 6 inches or the crabs will come around in the middle of the night pitching your fingers, toes or anything else that happens to be hanging out of your sleeping bag to see if you dead and edible. However, with an elevated bed they’ll leave you alone. She thanks me for the info but then unbelievably, builds her sand bed right next to ours.
Since Kelly and I like having sex right on the sun warmed sand underneath the starry night sky, her being right next to us is going to cramp our style. I ask her why doesn’t she move down the beach aways.
She tells me that she’s afraid to be alone.
I tell her it’s okay for this night, but tomorrow she’ll have to find someone else to camp by. After all, Maui is just full of nice dudes who’d love to have a pretty lady for company.
As I said, this happens a lot. I can be somewhere in the middle of nowhere all by myself and if someone else comes along, chances are they’ll camp right next to me. I myself have never understood this. If you’re out in nature and trying to get away from it all, why camp right next to somebody else? Anyway...
After their showers I heard the English couple say they were going to town for dinner and to party so I’m alone again. It’s full dark, the sun set about an hour ago and I am a little tired. Think I’ll hit the hay, after all, tomorrow promises to be another hard day on the bike. I go peacefully to sleep listening to the sound of moving water.
What the Fuck! All of a sudden I am awaken by the sound of a female voice screaming at the top of her lungs. Is she being beaten? Raped? Murdered? I listen to her shriek..
”FUCK ME! OH FUCK ME! RIDE ME YOU STUD! FUCK ME HARDER! OH HARDER! OH, OH, BE GENTLE NOW, GENTLE! GENTLE! NOW! YES NOW! FUCK ME HARDER, HARDER, HARDER! OH YOU MAGNIFICENT STALLION MAKE ME CUM!”
This really pisses me off. Not only did they camp right next to me and then wake me up, but they’re having sex and I’m NOT! So I start yelling, “YEAH, FUCK HER! FUCK HER HARDER! FUCK HER LIMEY TWAT! SOCK IT TO THAT POME PUSSY! FUCK THAT BITCH HARDER YOU BIG COCK! YEAH, FUCK HER!” I don’t hear her screaming anymore so I quiet down too. There’s dead silence. I wait.
I hear some whispering then the girls voice says, “Well that was certainly rude!”
I holler back, “Rude! You don’t know the meaning of the word. You camp right next to me in an otherwise empty campground and then have the balls to wake me up in middle of the night with your fucking screeching. Rude! Fuck you!”
Again silence. More whispering. Then the guy’s voice says, “Sorry about that chum. We won’t be bothering you anymore tonight. Good night now.” Silence. I go back to sleep.
Next morning right at dawn I hear them packing up then steeling away. It’s still early and I do have a hard ride ahead of me pumping that iron so I think I’ll catch a few more z’s before getting up and facing the day. As I’m going back to sleep, I smile to myself thinking, ‘those fucking Brits.’