Chapter Twelve – Being Cast In The Wrong Light
In many relationships there is what I like to call a great deal of deception. Most of the people in the world know about the deception but many times they are just as deceptive as the ones perpetrating the deception themselves and I say this because if they know of deception which is going on in a relationship almost never will they say anything about it. This deception can take many forms and can be perpetrated both toward the significant other as well as the masses outside of the relationship. A couple of the more common forms of deception are individuals dealing with another under the pretense of love when it actually entails a hidden agenda, such as maybe money, the prospect of kids or even safety. Another common form of deception in relationships is the dealing with a person who is completely different from what the other is used to or even likes as a partner. Now I know that we have all heard stories of the opposites attract thing where people who have almost nothing in common find a mutual common ground and begin a relationship and fall in love and yada yada. But what I’m talking about is those who deal with somebody that they do not really have any interest in at all – except for the sake of not being alone. It is the one thing about relationships, other than the fact that sooner or later they will cause some kind of headache, which is undeniably true; and this fact is that people will get into them for any and every reason except love.
Now there is one more piece of deception I’d like to discuss, which is perpetrated quite often. This deception can have dangerous ramifications, especially when relating to infidelity. It is what I like to call putting one’s self in a certain type of light when they are around the significant other but jumping into a whole new different light when they are alone. Now I like to believe that it is common knowledge that when in a relationship, people have to wear certain hats and play certain roles to keep the relationship interesting and new and ongoing, but what a lot of people do is act all clean and quiet, proper and pristine when in front of the significant other – and then act like the biggest whore or degenerate in front of everybody else. Now this by itself is not really such a problem. People do have the right to act in any manner they want but what people in relationships do not always realize is the fact that while they are away from the significant other, they are representing the significant other. This means that whatever they do, will undoubtedly reflect upon the significant other, whether it is positive or negative. In addition to this, many times these people do not realize that the way they act when they are by themselves or with friends can be attracting the attention and sometimes interest of someone who may believe that the way they are acting is the way they always are. This is what often causes unwanted approaches from lusty eyed suitors and those with not exactly the best intentions. Many people will argue that this is not deception as much as it is an individual being completely free to express himself. And to an extent this explanation is understandable but here’s my thing: if an individual wanted to be completely free to express himself when away from the significant other but had to restrict his or her behavior while around the significant other, wouldn’t it make more sense to remain single in the first place? This is basically the same thing as what many high school students do. They will dress conservatively in the home and around the parents and family but will take skimpy dresses or generally provocative clothing with them to change into once they leave the immediate vicinity of those in control. What they, just like the ones that act totally contradictory to the way their significant others expect are doing is leading the interpretations of all those who come into contact with them. Sometimes these people who may just want a little attention, may be attracting the wrong kind or even dangerous kind of attention because of the unintentional message they send. Sometimes these people who act loud and boisterous and uninhibited may make others believe that they are looking for a sexual relationship when in actuality that could be the furthest thing from the minds of the ones acting loud, boisterous and uninhibited. Many times when these flip floppers (I like to call them flip floppers because of the way they go back and forth in appearance and attitude) get away from the significant others and remain alone or around friends in what one could call freedom mode, the attention, which is brought is often too much for them to dispel alone. What often happens is sooner or later the significant other finds out that the other is receiving a lot more attention than normal but does not know why. The reason why could be because one or more of the people who have witnessed the flip flopper dressing or acting in a way, which is totally contradictory to how he or she dresses or acts while around the significant other, could be attempting to procure a date or a relationship or maybe even a physical liaison with the other because the other never mentioned that he or she was in a relationship. We all know what happens then. The significant other sees all of the extra attention and assumes that the other is in search of a clandestine relationship. Why does this happen? It’s because the unintentional deception, which was perpetrated in the beginning of the relationship, is starting to peel away. Many people will say that initial deception is the same thing as putting one’s best foot forward and this too is a valid argument but in the beginning of many relationships people act totally contradictory to how they normally exist in an attempt to make the other believe that that is how they normally are. This is not the same as putting one’s best foot forward. This is straight up lying but it is lying in a way, which is much accepted and expected in many relationships. Now when the deception is revealed, whether by the other party in the relationship or by someone outside of the relationship who believes that the deception perpetrating individual is actually who they portray themselves to be, problems will be caused. The main problem in the relationship will be the belief of ‘you’ve changed!’ The main problem outside of the relationship, which will also be a problem inside of the relationship as well, will be as stated above – and that will be the belief that infidelity is going on somewhere.
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