Chapter Eleven – Mental Issues And Infidelity
There have been numerous debates about how people’s mental issues and illnesses in day to day life affect their behavior. People who have mental issues possess, for lack of a better phrase, a different way of thinking than those of us who are classified as not having mental issues. What many people do not realize is that the mental issues that people are diagnosed with as children do not have an age limit. They do not affect a child until the age of 18 and then just go away. Often these issues continue into adulthood and not only that, they often go undiagnosed. Sometimes these issues are diagnosed but at the same time, are misdiagnosed. Without the proper diagnosis and treatment, these people may live according to how they are taught or how they believe they should act, basically the same way people who do not have mental issues live and grow. Now normally this would not be a problem because all people whether they have mental issues or not, need to be taught the proper way to grow and exist in this world. However some who have mental issues may not be able to decipher the lessons that they are being taught as completely right or wrong or as what’s good for them as opposed to what can be detrimental for them. There are people who may not understand that when it comes to certain things like relationships, the way they are acting is completely wrong and this is because they may have been taught that the way they are acting is the way they are supposed to be acting. Sometimes people with these types of issues cannot see that their actions are hurting the ones they are involved in a relationship with and sometimes people who do not have mental issues will deal with those who do have mental issues so that they can commit infidelity right under the noses of the ones with the issues by manipulating their understanding of why the infidelity is committed or what infidelity actually is.
Now with all illnesses, mental or otherwise, I have noticed that there are varying degrees of classification. Some people can be classified as mildly retarded. Some can be classified as developmentally disabled. Some can be classified as completely retarded. There are people who have conditions such as obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar, avoidant personality disorder and countless others. It is not uncommon for anybody to suffer from any of these issues because many of the mental and emotional problems or disorders that people suffer with are not learned behavior. It is also not uncommon for people to get involved with those that suffer with problems like these and more. What is uncommon is how the people who involve themselves with individuals who have problems such as these and more expect them to have the same insight and understanding and even reactions to issues in relationships as they do. As with everything else in life, those that are not professionals in a certain field of study will give their own interpretations and diagnosis to all of the above listed conditions and more. They will classify someone who has common mood swings as being bipolar. They will label someone with ADHD as having ‘problems.’ They may even call somebody who has a simple learning disorder, retarded. The reason why many of these names and incorrect labels are given is because the ones giving them simply do not know any better but for some reason or other want to seem like they do. The real unfortunate thing about this other than the fact that people make incorrect interpretations about what ailments people actually have is that while these people are intuitive enough to realize that something is wrong, they are not smart enough to know how it will affect those people in relationships. Here’s a for instance: let’s say that an individual in a relationship is classified as mildly retarded. In other words this individual functions like most other people, goes to work and or school, takes care of the kids and family but has the educational capacity of someone maybe in elementary school. The person that he or she is involved with may, instead of deciphering and correctly labeling the persons’ issues as what they are could just think that he or she is quirky or a little strange. People often pull off unintentional deception like that in relationships – especially if there is no detailed discussion about an individuals’ educational background or any detailed conversations at all for that matter. And believe it or not many people in this world get into relationships with others for every reason in the book except love. So it is entirely possible for a lust smitten individual to be enamored with nothing more than the beautiful physique of another. Getting back to the example about the mildly retarded individual, he or she may be able to adequately function in society on maybe a fifth or sixth grade level. He or she may even be able to rival how some college degree having parents care for their children. This person may even be deemed excellent in the lovemaking department but if there is no instruction or maybe there is instruction on how to behave when a relationship is challenged by infidelity, detrimental ramifications can result. People who have certain types of issues or disorders may feel that a relationship is not supposed to end for any reason except death to one or both of the parties involved. So think for a minute about the possible reactions from this person if the other were to attempt to prematurely end the relationship. We have all already seen what happens when a relationship ends badly. We have also all seen what happens when a relationship ends badly due to infidelity. People have lost families. They have lost homes. They have even lost lives due to one single act of cheating. And the real bad, rather sad thing about all of the above is that the infidelity does not even have to be proven for those types of ramifications to occur. Now were all of the individuals who committed heinous crimes against those who may have cheated on them people who had mental disorders? I have not done that much research to say for certain but it sure would explain a lot if they were. What people have a hard time realizing is that many mental defects can be hidden. A person can go through his or her entire life being known as a quiet person for no other reason than the fact that he or she has perfected the art of hiding the fact that he or she is crazy. Now on the opposite end of the spectrum, what if the mildly retarded individual was the one who was approached for the purpose of an illicit affair and he or she not being able to skillfully maneuver himself away from the malarkey that some horny individual was shooting his or her way, fell for it. Would they be completely at fault? Personally I believe not. There is a ginormous controversy in the legal world about whether or not an individual can be prosecuted for committing a crime if this individual has no idea that what he did was wrong. This here has to basically be the epitome of an individual dealing with some kind of mental illness because I would like to believe that every ‘normal’ person walking about has a pretty good and clear understanding of right and wrong. As stated before people with certain mental issues see things a little differently than the rest of the world. They may think what they’re doing is right but to the trained eye, while it may not be completely wrong, it will at the very least raise some eyebrows. Now because some people get into relationships on misconstrued priorities, they may not take the necessary time to decipher whether or not the individual they are involved with is quirky, a little strange or has issues, which are in dire need of diagnosing and correcting. This is one of the reasons why relationships will continue to fail at astounding rates. People are often premature in their selection of life partners and those they choose for relationships. When these people do not take the time to fully or at least adequately examine the ins and outs of the mindset and or life of the individual they are interested in, they are setting themselves up for an early or maybe even dangerous separation. One of the things I love to talk about in many of my books is the power of deception. And the reason why is because of its very nature of perfection. Deception is not something, which is done for a little while. Deception is something, which is done for life. It can exist from one end of the spectrum to the other and can include: rich people, poor people, smart people as well as the unintelligent. I like to believe that it can even exist with people who are classified as having mental illnesses. In the example above I mentioned how I believed that most ‘normal’ people have a pretty good and clear understanding of what right and wrong is supposed to be and I mentioned how people who have ‘issues’ possess a different way of thinking. What if an individual was classified as mildly retarded, like say the person in the above example and not only that, this individual was aware of the classification given to him or her by either a medical professional or society at large and chose to use that to his or her advantage? Meaning that whenever the situation called for it, this individual could do something stupid, dangerous or what could be interpreted as a relationship threatening act like say infidelity for example, all because he or she knew that everybody who would witness or hear of whatever it is they did would instantly and maybe unintentionally come to their defense by saying something to the effect of ‘oh, you know them, they’re retarded.’ You see, this is what kids and old people do all the time. It’s what I like to call AAAD. Age appropriate automatic defense. Kids are more perceptive than adults like to give them credit for being. Kids have a built in defense of ‘we’re kids, we don’t know any better.’ My advice to you: don’t believe that for one minute. Kids will break a treasured heirloom because they’re mad. They will lie because they know that the lie they tell will get somebody else in trouble. They will even beat up somebody who is incapable of defending themselves just because the belief is in place that they are too good to do something of that nature. Deception has no age limit. This is the same thing with many old people. Old people know that they are prime targets for being classified as having Alzheimer’s, dementia or any other random old person disease or ailment just because of the fact that they are old, so they sometimes use this to their advantage the same way kids do. Think about it, if an old person gets behind the wheel and breaks a traffic law or two, will the majority of people be angry or understanding and supportive to the effect of he’s old, he probably forgot the law? Or maybe even ‘his reaction time is not as fast as young people so give the old guy a break.’ I have a very unpopular belief regarding certain mental illnesses and that belief basically states that much of them are bullshit. I mean think about it, if they weren’t, would people who commit unspeakable acts like say pushing somebody in front of a train or stabbing someone thirty times or maybe even sexually abusing another get up and run after the fact? No, they would more than likely sit there after the fact like what, did I do something wrong? The pure fact that they are attempting to evade prosecution because they fear consequences lets me and any other reasonable person know that the excuse of they didn’t know any better is a crock of you know what. But the problem with society and law enforcement is the fact that everybody is so anxious and willing to label these individuals as special or retarded or suffering from some psychological ailment that only about 100 of 1% of the population has even heard of let alone suffer from. This is what people in relationships definitely have to be wary of. Deception does not take just one form. Sometimes it takes so many forms that it can never truly be recognized. Mental illness can be a major factor in why some people decide to cheat or it can be an excellent excuse to get the ‘mentally retarded’ individual who cheated out of a potential relationship ending jam.