I’m
supposed to be going to an event tomorrow. My fellow student
colleagues are getting together to see each other again after the
summer vacation. Each other and some new faces.
I do intend to go. However, I’m not sure if I feel excited or nervous - or both at the same time. On the one hand, it’ll be a pleasure seeing my university acquaintances and catching up, but on the other, the new people that will inevitably show up make me feel anxious about going - and not in the positive sense of the word.
I like meeting new people as much as any average neurotypical extrovert, but the social process involved in it is not my strong suit. Very rarely do I initiate conversation, and if I do, it’ll be a small miracle in its own way. Very rarely do I conjure up enough courage to go up to a stranger and greet them. Very rarely do I find myself thinking up an interesting topic to discuss.
Even reassuring myself that I’m not alone with those struggles, and that there’ll very likely be at least one other such person there, doesn’t help.
As much as I embrace my introversion, there are times I really fucking hate it. Granted, those times are relatively rare, but when they do occur... I’ll be damned if the feeling of frustration will be gone in an hour. Sometimes, it can even take days. In fact, more often than not, it has taken days.
Nevertheless, I intend to go. Even if my social anxiety decides to make its appearance - which wouldn’t surprise me in the least - seeing old and new colleagues alike will be a pleasure.