Last night was
fun. And at the same time, it was... Well, to say it wasn’t fun
would be wrong. Even “less fun” would be an
overstatement. But I believe “semi-fun” would be an
appropriate phrase.
Why not? It was fun and semi-fun at the same time.
I saw my old colleagues. I saw new colleagues. I talked - mostly to prior acquaintances. In fact, I practiced next to no socializing with the freshmen. I tried, but my attempts to force myself to socialize - to initiate conversation with the freshmen - fell short.
But I had plenty enough fun seeing familiar people again. Even if I didn’t get to know too many of the freshmen - even if they didn’t get to know me - I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the company. I enjoyed the whiskey.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if people think positively or negatively of me when they see me for the first time. When a colleague of mine asked a freshman - a female - how she’d describe me, she described me as “a little quiet”. Did she mean it in a positive or negative way? How did she think of me?
Either way, “a little quiet” is an understatement. I’m more silent than an assassin. I’m the one who wins every “stay quiet as long as possible” competition. There have been days I’ve easily produced less than 100 spoken words.
Still, I’m just as human as everyone else, and I want to be seen that way. Anyone who knows me to the least extent knows how quiet I usually am. But it only takes the effort of getting to know me and there’s a chance I’ll be less quiet.
Why do my own efforts have to keep failing then?