Chronicles of a Cheater
Working late
This is referenced on page 12 as a cheating sign. This is also one of the most common excuses men will use to cheat on their partner. This is especially common if this affair is happening at the workplace.
Their excuses can range from having to work a lot or having to travel out of town unexpectedly. Some men will say that they are doing research for a new work project and cannot be interrupted (Tony Edwards). Start to get familiar with the terms of your partner's employment. Find out whether this is just a 9-5 job or if this is a workplace that is indeed open late.
To find out if he is being honest with you, ask him some questions about the task that required him to work late. Ask who else was there and how many people at the workplace had to work late too. Do not drill him, just casually ask these questions. If you sound like you are interrogating him, then he will likely get defensive and not open up to you. Make a mental note of it, then ask him a few days later to see if he sticks to his story or if his story changes. However, if your partner gets defensive over a simple question, he has something to hide.
Another way to find out is to call your partner's direct work phone instead of their cell phone. If he is really at work then he should be able to answer or his boss should be able to confirm that he is working.
If you do not know your partner's work phone number, then you should the parking lot of their work location to see if their car is parked there.
Hanging out with the guys
Most men like to use this excuse to be able to spend time with the other woman who they are cheating Chronicles of a Cheater
with. Cheaters like to use this excuse so that their partner does not get suspicious and they will have more time to spare. Their partner asks them, “Where were you last night?” He responds, “I was hanging out with the guys.” Sometimes, this is legitimate. However, if your partner is excessively hanging out with the guys and it is happening at odd hours, then he may be having an affair. This depends on the type of guys your partner hangs out with. If a majority of who your partner hangs out with are single men and they usually hang out late, then he may be telling you the truth. If the guys who your partner hangs out with are married or in serious relationships, then he may be lying. Most men who are married would not hang out so much during the week and stay out so late.
Finding out:
Find out which of his friends he is hanging out with.
Make a mental note of how often he uses this excuse
Ask him where they will be
See if his story checks out with the wives or girlfriends of the guys he claims he will be with She's just a friend of mine
If you have caught your partner spending way too much time with another female, then there may be more going on then just a friendship. Most men will say, “she's just a friend of mine”, to be given permission to hang out with another female. Unless she is a female family member, your partner should not be spending so much time with her. Many woman have found out later on that the so called “just a friend”, was really their partner's lover the whole time.
This is just another excuse men will use to try to through you off. Before accusing him, make notes of how much time is spent with the other female. Also, the next time he is about to hang out with her, ask him if you can tag along to see what he says. If he is more than willing to, then you may not have something to worry about. However, if he insists that you should not join them, then that is a major red flag.
Dead Cell Phone
Every now and then, things happen. Sometimes we forget to charge out phone from the night before.
Men use the dead cell phone excuse to get away with not talking to you for hours, possibly even the rest of the night. Men will say, “my phone died”. Men will turn off their cell phone so they will not have to hear the phone ring or hear the large amounts of text messages from you. They also do not want Chronicles of a Cheater
their escapade to be interrupted.
When men say their cell phone died, they are a majority of the time lying to you. Their cell phone was not dead. They intentionally turned off the cell phone to avoid interacting with you and to avoid suspicion on your end. While they are in the middle of having sex with another woman, they no not want to be bothered. They want to focus to be centered on her and not from being drilled by you.
If you know for a fact that your partner charged his phone the night before, then you know that his cell phone really did not die. Even if he did not charge his phone the night before, most people have car chargers in their car. Take notice the the times of the day that he is using this excuse. Also take note of how frequently he is using this excuse. If it is mostly at night and is being used on a regular basis, then there is a high chance that he is cheating on you.
Tired boyfriend/husband excuse
This is usually just another lie that men tell their wives or girlfriends to cover up their cheating behavior. This usually happens when you want to get sexually intimate with your partner, or if you requested your partner to call you at a certain time. The usual line is, “I was too tired and fell asleep, that is why I did not call you.” Some men will say, “I am too tired to have sex right now, let's just do this another time.” If this is happening too often, then you may have a cheater on your hands.
If your husband or boyfriend was awake enough to watch TV, talk on the phone with other people or even go out with his friends, then he is not really tired. He is using that as an excuse to throw you off so that you are not suspicious.
I have been too busy
This is one of the most obvious lies that cheaters tell. This is similar to the tired boyfriend/husband excuse. Your partner is always busy when you two are suppose to be together. If your partner is cheating, it may seem commonplace for him to not be available to do things with you. He is not busy except spending time with his new fling (Tony Edwards).
If your partner really wanted to spend time with you, he would make the time to spend with you. If he is finding time to spend with other people including his friends, then he obviously is not a busy person.
His stories change
Your partner told you one story this week, then told you a different story the following week. If your partner is constantly contradicting himself, then he is lying to you. An innocent person does not need to Chronicles of a Cheater
keep on changing their story, it would remain the same. If your partner seems confused about their whereabouts or what he has told you before, they may be lying. If he has told you that lie before, they might have to tell another lie to cover up the first lie until they got so confused they do not know what they have said. At this point, he may seem confused, disoriented, or afraid to say anything else (Tony Edwards).
It was my co-worker on the phone
If your partner is cheating, they will lie about who they were really on the phone with. Your partner will use anyone from co-worker, mother, grandmother, cousin, aunt, as the person who was on the other line. If you are suspicious as to who your partner was really on the phone with, you will need to find out before confronting him. If this is happening too often or these phone calls are happening late at night, then you may need to investigate more.
Go through your partner's phone, write down the number, and call the person back. Make sure you do this when your partner is not looking and when you have enough time before he comes back into the room. Suggestions include, when he is in the shower, bathroom, outside. Call the number back and find out who that person really is.
I was lonely
Men will use this excuse if they have been left at home while you were out working and making money. If your partner has too much idle time on his hands then he may start cheating while you are at work. At time, if both people are not spending much time together in the relationship, the “I'm lonely”
excuse is used (catchyourcheatingpartner.com).
You're so far away
This excuse is usually used by people who are in a long distance relationship. People are often attracted to people who live within a close distance to where they are. Army wives and husbands and those who travel for a living often hear the “you're so far away” excuse when they find out that their partner has been cheating. This goes hand in hand with the “I was lonely” excuse.
Chronicles of a Cheater
I was angry
If you and your partner have been having a lot of arguments, this is an excuse that will be used. There may be a lot of animosity, unresolved issues, tension and disagreements. If the relationship has been plagued by anger and resentment that is left unresolved, then emotional voids are gradually created in the relationship.
I don't know why I did it
This excuse is usually used when the cheater is in denial about the real reason why they cheated. Most men know why they cheated, whether it was to fill a physical or emotional void. Some people cannot pinpoint the exact cause or reason for their cheating behavior. If your partner tells you that they have no idea why they would cheat, then it's time for both of you to figure out what the problem really is.
I was tempted
This excuse is used when the cheater does not want to take responsibility for their behavior. If your partner is in love with you, they would not cheat on you. Whether the person they are cheating with looks like the average Jane or Supermodel, the cheating started because of temptation. Somewhere during the course of the relationship, your partner could not resist temptation. Temptation is everywhere and it is for your partner to have enough self-control and have enough respect for you not to cheat. The fact is, your partner already wanted to cheat on you because he felt there was something lacking in your relationship.
I thought you were already cheating on me
Men will use this excuse to try to justify their actions. There was no real reason there for the cheater to believe you were cheating in the first place. Usually when a man is cheating, they start to have a guilty conscience. They believe that if they are cheating on you, then you must also be cheating on them. This goes hand in hand with the cheating sign of false accusations. This is a coping method so that they do not feel so bad about what they did and so that you are ready to forgive them with open arms.
Chronicles of a Cheater
I was drunk and don't remember
This is another classic excuse cheaters use to try to justify their cheating behavior. Men will say, “I was drunk, I blacked out and I don't even remember sleeping with her.” Just because your partner does not remember what happened that night does not make it okay. Whatever intentions that were already in his sub-conscience when he was sober, was acted upon while he was drunk. He was very well aware of what he was doing whether he remembers or not. This is especially true if he cheated on you with someone who he was having an ongoing fling with. She was already on his mind before he took that drink. While he was drunk, he knew who he was calling, he knew who he let in his house, he knew who was in the bed with him, he knew it was wrong. He may not remember everything, but the
intentions were already there. Men who are faithful are able to get drunk and not cheat on their wives or girlfriends. Do not fall for this one, it's a lie.
She kissed me first
The “she kissed me first” excuse is used as another way of not taking responsibility of their actions. If the other woman did indeed kiss your partner first, then the respectful thing for him to do would be to refuse the kiss in the first place. More than likely, he was aware of what was going on. If he never cheated with this woman before that time, he knew that she liked him. Either way, he had no business hanging out with this other woman in the first place. Some men will say that they kissed the woman back because they did not want to make a scene. This is a lie, there would not have been a scene to begin with and he knew he was in the wrong.
Chronicles of a Cheater