Divorced Of Somatic Stupidities And Happily Married by Santosh Jha - HTML preview

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CHAPTER 6

 

In what could well be accepted as a larger good of not only humanity but all creatures on this planet earth is a clichéd – One single thing which everyone wants, in varying quotients, is love. As human ingenuity would have it, there are equal counterweights to it. This does not make life any bit simple and buttery. The popular refrain, it may not be but, true it is that people usually are Too Difficult To Be Loved…!

It is not rare to find people who are really musical, beautiful, endowed in many senses and above all, desirable of the thing called love. Still, all these do not make it any less difficult; why?

There is a huge plexus of battling nerves and conflicting-struggling attitudes – a complex psychology to get to the bottom of the trouble. Between people, there seems to be a simple mathematics; easy to be learnt but so very arduous to accept and enjoy. And what it may possibly be…!

We all look for HCF in relationships as a start and end up compromising with LCF. This is mathematics operative at its gullible best! People are people, never a static idea or entity and finding a rhythm between two people is all about a search of ‘commonality’ – commonality of consciousness primarily. The struggle starts with it being the Highest Common Factor (HCF) or Lowest Common Factor (LCF).

Ideal it is that in relationships commonality should not be ‘the criterion’ rather, compatibility should be a function of ‘un-commonality’. But all goodness has to be practical and so we are talking about practical and real, not ideal.

People in relationship have this tragic tendency to first look for HCF of the compatibility and later, as the dust settles down, they accept and live the poor LCF which is more of a ‘compromise’ than ‘compatibility’.

Does it sound a better idea to admit and proceed that each human is distinct, even bizarre, a maverick in his or her own right and already married or committed to his or her own idiosyncrasies? It actually paves ground for LCF-led planning processes…

So, can we do well by reversing this mathematics! Let us start with an innocuous and humble LCF. Let it be the basis of a ‘workable compatibility’ and then, as they say time is the best leveler. The relationship could slowly but steadily evolve and inch towards this elusive HCF.

This hypothesis to start a relationship with an LCF has practical prudence. The practicality emanates out of the contemporary realism that young minds, when they enter into a relationship, are primarily loaded with two precarious elements –

  1. As their life-living conditions and milieus are still changing, they always have a changing cognition – that is, they are still not sure of what is good or right for them and what is not. Instable mind consciousness is not suitable for a relationship based on HCF. The minds of young are ever changing and that is why LCF-based relationship-start is pragmatic.
  2. There are two different states of living for all of us. First is individualistic living and second is mutuality living. For most of young people, individualistic living is a realism, they are so used to. Love and marriages are not individualistic space, they are domains of mutuality. Young mind consciousness is not instinctively and attitudinally geared for mutuality-life & living utilities and worth. That is why, when young people start a love relationship or enter marriage, they should opt for LCF-based start as HCF is not practically a feasible proposition. Naturally, as the LCF start has better chances of evolving and maturing into a stable HCF-living in mutuality-domain, this seems like the right recipe for relationship.

However, the primary thing must be asserted here. That is – Love in itself is a passion-driven vehicle. It has in-built tendencies and attitudes for ‘mishaps’. However, love needs the cushion of compassion, which ensures that navigation of all driving thing is slow-steady and smooth. Always mix love with compassion as only this mix can lead the LCF to the finality and fruition of HCF!

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