The person, you Love, has to be in perfect and profound wellness poise, otherwise, he or she shall never be in a consciousness of complete and perfect assimilation and integration, which love’s mutuality shall demand. Moreover, marriage is far more and deeper domain of consciousness collaboration.
The person, you love is not some other subject or object you think you hold dear and like. The fact is – the person you love is essentially the image of your own subject, your own self or consciousness, seeking another medium than your own body-mind to extend its domain. This is the expression of your intangible homeostasis need. It is therefore only natural that he or she, whom you love, has to be a willing and highly navigable media, for easy and smooth assimilation into your ‘self-image’.
When two people in love are two brilliant, settled, poised, navigable, compassionately accommodative and malleable ‘media’, it shall be smooth and systemic assimilation of the two ‘selfs’ and two shall finally evolve to become one singular and symmetrical consciousness. This is the true success of love.
Only two higher consciousnesses can merge and melt into one consciousness…
Classical wisdom of Oriental spiritualism said – ‘Only generic and similar elements can have lasting relationship with each other. Therefore, for lasting wellness in intimate relationship, it is crucial that both man and woman have commonality of elements in their consciousnesses. If not, then mutuality enterprise is all about evolving together towards this commonality…
When this merger and assimilation happens, the two separate and exclusive ‘wellness needs’ become one singular and larger homeostasis. This ‘homeostatic love’ can never fail; it shall be the infinite success symmetry.
The onus of all these beautiful processes and evolution for the ultimate success of the ‘venture of love’ is on you. It is first your own preparedness, your own readiness for the start of the ‘venture’. It is also your responsibility to ensure that your special someone is also in the same state of readiness and even later evolves together.
Never ever take love casually. You already know it, how love is so intrinsically and cardinally associated with your wellness poise. Love’s success can make your life. However, if love flops, it has a calamitous impact on you as it has the fatal effect of threatening your wellness homeostasis, which is essentially your larger sense of survival. That is why we need huge readiness for love and finality of marriage.
Always remember, mutuality in love is never a readymade equity, it is always made together with conscious elements of persevered enterprise.
There is this very populist idea of ‘soul-mate’, which presents a case as why every individual in love should put more premium on ‘personal-inputs’, rather than ‘readymade’ compatibilities.
It is a reality which many believe is unbelievable. Yet, the fact is that 73% of Americans believe in inevitability of the idea and pragmatism of soul-mates. A survey few years back points out –
The data may be of America but it seems, there may be a similar factsheet almost everywhere. The factsheet apart, psychologists say that this belief of soul-mate is a huge trap. They say; if you believe that there is only one person for you, you are more likely to spend energy and time looking for that person instead of cultivating an existing relationship or a possible one.
Psychologists say, Destiny Believers have passionate, intense, short-term relationships, but often they become disillusioned and frustrated when something inevitably goes wrong. They believe in ‘deal-breakers’ and are constantly looking for the ‘perfect’ person. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better move on and find my person.”
Growth Believers take a bit longer to commit. Even early in the relationship they are more motivated to find solutions, compromise or explore new ideas. They often view compromising as growth. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better sit together and work this out.”
Psychologists say; people who believe in romantic destiny (soul mates) primarily look for positive emotional reactions and initial compatibility with a partner. They believe people either "click" and are meant to be, or they don't and should move on.
People who believe in romantic growth (cultivation) primarily look for someone who will work and grow with them, resolving conflicts as they arise. They believe that relationships can evolve with hard work and compromise, even in difficult situations. It is more like instituting more faith in power of personal as well as mutual investment of common sense than believing blindly in ‘destiny’ or readymade ‘Made-For-Each-Other’ eventuality…
So, what surveys and psychologists point out is – Overall, the message is clear, looking for perfect compatibility and a soul mate kills motivation to work at successful relationships with good partners. In the long run, adopting a belief in romantic growth and cultivation is much more rewarding, especially for those interested in long-term relationships.
Compared to soul mates, a belief in growth does take more work, effort, and a desire to change. So, to truly have a satisfying relationship, an individual must not only give up the search for a "perfect" partner, but also be willing to admit they are not always "perfect just as they are" as well. Only then can two people work together, grow, evolve, and meet each other's needs in the long run.
The psychologies apart, the crucial question is – It is not that people, especially young people do not know what the psychologists are pointing out. They too accept that nobody is perfect and growth in relationship is in evolving with whatever is at hand. Still, the key question is why such an overwhelming majority of 73 percent believe in inevitability of soul-mate?
It seems, it is somehow another shade of contemporary consciousness, which seems to be working towards this end. Psychologists may like to work on this shade of subconscious attitude, which works in favour of soul-mate. It is however a humble suggestion. People may check it out with their own consciousness and ask, is that true?
What seems to work behind this overwhelming soul-mate idealism is probably a contemporary sense of ‘empowerment’. We have talked about it as why both men and women, especially young, feel that they are now empowered and endowed and that is why they deserve nothing but best in their lives. They are brand aware and look for ‘fine-fit’ or to say the ‘best-fit’ in their lives. They feel, not any job would do but only that job is the option which ‘I want’ for myself. Not any car or any house would do. Only that would do, what ‘best-fits’ my current life-living position and status.
This ‘best-fit’ is deeply ingrained in the subconscious mind and we all feel, we have attained this much, we have done the hard-work and we deserve nothing but best. There is one something, which is right for me. This only shall do, not any fit shall do.
Once a girl said, ‘I am a scientist and I simply cannot think of my soul-mate being anything but a better scientist...!’ This syndrome of only the ‘best-fit’ for me seems to be behind this insistence over soul-mate.
A soul-mate is nothing but a perfect-fit or the ‘best-fit’ for me. The idea of a soul-mate is a ‘rigidity’ of worldview, which refuses to accept any fit. It insists on and is unapologetic about anything but the ‘best-fit’. This is calamitous. Compatibility and what we term as ‘fitting’ is seldom a physical or tangible idea. It is rather an intangible idea. Compatibilities are not in similarities but assimilation. Two similar things may not be compatible. Compatibilities are rather seldom ‘readymade’. It is evolved together when two people accept the cardinal idea of assimilation of higher consciousness. For assimilation, there has to be a critical quality of malleability and plasticity. And, this malleability is not in physicality but intangibility of higher consciousness…
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