IX.Honing Success and Edging Ahead
There were two friends, Seong Hwan and Hwang Seong. Hwang Seong was a little taller and more handsome that the other. His family was richer. He had already been abroad to China and the US. Also, he had a girlfriend while Seong Hwan did not.
Seong Hwan and Son Hwang were good friends. They had been loyal and helpful to each other ever since they met in highschool. Then they started university together, both embarking upon English majors.
It always seemed to Seong Hwan that Hwang Seong had an easier time of it. Seong Hwan had the advantage of being a few months older than his friend and he could hold his own. Despite this advantage, though, Hwang Seong’s stood out because of his personality and physical presence. Hwang Seong was more popular because of his good looks and athletic strength, which garnered confidence and made him more at ease in social situations. Hwang Seong enjoyed his popularity. Well, he had a carefree and fun-loving spirit. Seong Hwan, on the other hand, was quieter and more serious, lacking the same degree of confidence because of his acne and crooked teeth. However, sober and silent at times, he went forward. He joined Hwang Seong in working hard, seeking recreation and trying new things. They both had dreams. They both wanted to fly.
Life seemed dull a lot of the time in this small town. What is more, the university they studied at was a small private institution of low rank nationally. Both Hwang Seong and Seong Hwan yearned to see the world and grow. How could they?
The two young men welcomed friendship with English speaking foreigners as much as possible. Making friends was interesting and it gave them much needed practice.
Though he could not surpass his best friend in general social circumstances or looks, Seong Hwan dominated their interactions with English speaking foreigners. Hwang Seong was competent at Japanese, but he could not keep up to Seong Hwan in English.
Seong Hwan reveled in the company of foreign English speakers. He and his best pal were quick to offer them assistance with translations, shopping, administration and various kinds of services. They felt compassionate and understood that being a foreigner was not easy, especially in a small city. They were sincere and enthusiastic in their response to the requests that came from their foreign friends, and they thoroughly enjoyed “hanging out” with them. They met such people at the gym. Also, they would go to the bar and pub parties that Westerners went to sometimes, even though they drank very little.
Of course, they did not like it when a foreigner they helped seemed ungrateful. Buying one a beer for a Korean chum was a typical way of repaying a favour, they knew. Sometimes, a foreign friend would buy them a meal too.
There were naturally some miscommunications and some social errors in these cross-cultural exchanges. It was inevitable and everyone usually could laugh at it, even though there were the frustrating moments.
For example, it was hard gauging the intimacy of friendship. It was hard to tell how close a friend one had become to a foreigner. Hwang Seong and Seong Hwan guessed that friendship was something different in other countries. There seemed to be many degrees of friendship and it was very difficult to discern one from the other because of the mystery of social interactions with foreigners. Even when they thought they knew certain signs and meanings, the nuances were so subtle that they still felt uncertain. For one thing, many foreigners seemed extraordinarily friendly to Koreans they socialized with, yet they could be quite insincere. Loyalty was not so important. Neither were words. It seemed that many foreigners, especially the younger set, like to make the most of the moment, but they could move on anytime and disappear from view; whether out of insincerity or simple cold necessity of life, it was hard to tell. It was disappointing when there was suddenly no response after a series of exchanges including eating and drinking, conversing about philosophy and politics, and sharing plans for the future. Koreans did not have such exchanges in the normal course of life except with the very best of friends. Therefore, such exchanges were very meaningful and therefore memorable. To be forgotten at the drop of a hat was both disconcerting and hurtful. It had to be noted, though, that frequent separation would be a hazard of making friends with transients. Travelers visiting on one-year work contracts would not stay long, of course. Also, one had to remind oneself that visitors were fish out of water, having been dislocated far from their previous family and circle of friends because of the decision to travel and work abroad for long periods. Of course, visitors needed to pour out their heart to someone in Korea, especially if they did not have a girlfriend or wife in Korea. As well, they were groping in the dark coming to a foreign culture and trying to learn how to talk and find their way around. Hwang Seong and Seong Hwan learned to be more careful and grow a thicker skin to guard them in their relations with their foreign friends but, at the same time, they learned more about the experience of being a foreigner, and took note in preparation for the time when they would travel abroad.
For Hwang Seong, the lucky one, the time to travel abroad came sooner than expected. He earned a grant to go spend a winter in Japan because of his progress in studying Japanese.
Seong Hwan envied his good friend. He sighed and let his shoulders sag. It seemed like Hwang’s life was taking off and he was being left behind. “When will it be my turn?” he wondered. He listened to Hwang Seong’s eager chatter about the trip with mixed emotions, even some annoyance, but he endured. He loved his best friend and he was glad for his fortune.
While Hwang Seong was away that winter, Seong Hwan did not hear from him. He imagined his roving friend was probably too busy excitedly exploring the unfamiliar terrain, tasting Japanese culture, making new friends and studying Japanese to think of updating his best friend back in Korea.
Upon his return in March when the next term of classes was already getting under way, Seong Hwan met Hwang Seong on campus. A small throng of fellow students encircled Hwang Seong in the canteen next to the convenience store in the student building. Hwang Seong looked refreshed as he recounted anecdotes of his international travel and described the Japan he experienced with great animation. It was then that Seong Hwan realized that the distance was growing between them.
Not only had Hwang Seong’s life experience undergone a growth spurt; the geographic distance had also increased the social distance between them. Seong Hwan had to renew his career plans so as to strengthen himself and give himself a better chance at success. Moreover, he had to prepare himself to do it on his own. He had to develop enough focus and confidence to fend off detractors and naysayers as well as his own self-doubts.
Digging his heels into his firm commitment to writing his own success story, Seong Hwan went into action. He took a part-time job serving at a fashionable restaurant where foreigners and Koreans liked to go, and convinced his parents to lend him some money to pay for orthodontic treatment and refurbish his wardrobe. He regimented his work-outs at the gym and launched into a body-building program. He scanned the web for opportunities, submitted to career counseling and spoke to professors and administrators about programs and funding.
Through sheer determination and hard work, Seong Hwan told himself that he would make it. He would find his role in life and win. He would find interesting, informing, enriching and impressive work and broaden his horizons if he could stave off the negativity around him and the common opinion that he should be satisfied with the ordinary for the sake of familiarity and stability.
Seong Hwan attained a good score on the national English test called TOEIC, that over-rated and over-used, standard measure of credibility and competency in English language used as a ticket to the best placements in employment and study. The university awarded him with a grant. His parents and teachers were pleased and some friends impressed.
Although he felt tired some days, he trudged onward executing his revised plan. He kept up A’s in most courses. He switched academic tracks, maintaining English as a major focus but adding commerce as another major. It meant, however, an extra course load.
He could not think much about a social life. There was no time for a girlfriend. He would have to delay making the step of taking on a steady girlfriend until he was better grounded to select the best soul mate and dearest heart to his.
For now, Seong Hwan decided, he would have to be tough-minded and pragmatic, weighing his best options and choosing the right footsteps so as not to waste his time and energy, and not to reduce his chances. In cutting down his social time, he made another decision to reduce the time he spent meeting and assisting foreigners. Foreigners gave good practice in English and built a network that could be useful for future work and travel, so he did not cancel out all exchanges from his life. However, he realized that they were always coming and going and that they did not usually make long term friendships. Also, many of them took friendships for granted, it seemed. Anyway, it appeared that friendships with some of them were not as worthwhile as he had first imagined. As in Korean society, there were people of all sorts of accomplishments, potential and character. Seong Hwan wanted to be more careful about selecting the company he kept. He felt he was familiar with English speaking Westerners enough to read them better and make such selections from among the ones that crossed his path.
Seong Hwan’s changing outlook changed his demeanor. His posture straightened and his chest broadened. His jaw became more set and his eyes more open yet alert.
Meanwhile, Hwang Seong took a year off to go work in Australia. While he missed his friend, he was not as envious this time. His own sense of direction and strength mitigated the envy and discouragement on his part. He was glad for Hwang Seong but did not dwell on his activity much as he was busy pursuing his own course in life. He enjoyed corresponding with Hwang Seong and hearing about his experiences abroad, but he did not lose his own focus. Rather, he marched on, forward into his own future.
Eventually, the cards of life favoured him. A path to a more important university in Seoul opened up. He told Hwang Seong about it, and was moved to hear a hint of envy in Hwang Seong’s voice over the phone. Being eight months into his stay abroad, Hwang Seong told Seong Hwan that he must make more plans. He followed Seong Hwan and applied to the same program in due course. The fact that they both got accepted renewed their alliance, although Seong Hwan had gotten a head start, and although it would never be quite the same.
Seong Hwan had only been to Seoul once before. He found it as intriguing and exciting as people had told him. He tried new foods and the numerous foreign restaurants when he could. He went to a concert now and then.
Moving to another city offered the experience of living away from his parents for the first time. He stayed in the campus dormitory for the first term until he found room-mates with whom to share an apartment with. It was tempting to spend too much money and get into a little trouble, but he restrained himself enough to keep out of deep waters. Of course, he had to try new things and it was worth the investment. But mostly, unlike some of his peers, he concentrated on his studies and the work that his chosen career path demanded.
Living in Seoul and advancing his knowledge and skills in English and Chinese made him feel more substantial. He knew he was becoming cosmopolitan, though without having yet gone abroad, but he did not mind. He enjoyed it as much as he enjoyed sticking to his roots. It was a balancing act of sorts to tread two cultural paths, especially because straddling them became more and more awkward over time.
Seong Hwan avoided distractions and carried on. He had professional portraits done. In traditional conservative fashion, he dressed himself in a dark suit and wore a fresh blue tie for the photo session. His skin having cleared up and his hair having been freshly cut into a 1.5-centimeter brush, he posed with his full lipped mouth set in a sober line according to custom, and eyes fixed on the camera straight ahead of him. The message to Koreans and everyone: he meant business. He was ready for life.