Choosing LIfe
I roused up when dad came to my room the following dawn. He looked a little dull and concerned. He brought me breakfast
and made me eat it right away. I couldn’t say no to him. I was already regretting my last night’s awful behaviour. I shouldn’t
have yelled at mom. It’s true that I am under a lot of stress these days, but that doesn’t mean I yell at everybody, most
importantly my own parents. They have a right to expect something from me.
“Daddy, I am really sad about what went on last night. I shouldn’t have done that. I am very ashamed to show my face to mom.
Please forgive me”. I felt so terrible to look at his troubled expression. From childhood, I have always been a daddy’s girl. We
used to play and read books together. I learnt my first drawing lessons from my Dad. He always encouraged me to follow my
heart. I felt very bad to cause him so much pain. He sat next to me and patted my shoulder.
“Ashni, we are not angry with you. Your mom and I are worried about your situation. It is our duty to see that our daughter is
happily married. You can’t blame your mom for being too paranoid about it. She always obsesses about it and you never
complained before. In fact you let her take all the major decisions of your life, whether you like them or not. I am not saying
that it is good, but I am surprised to see the change in you all of sudden. Agreed that something horrible happened to you at
Chinturu but you really got out with less harm than many people. You should consider yourself lucky that they let you go.
Please look at the positive side. Because of all this you started your paintings again and you are a famous artist now.”
“I know dad. I am sorry,” I said miserably. I knew that I deserve this speech after what I have done, but begging for forgiveness
is just not my thing. Being the only child, I was pampered all my life, so this situation is awkward and embarrassing.
“About Rajiv, I am not telling you that you should marry him, but tell your decision soon at least. He is your friend, a nice
colleague and a great companion. That much I am sure. Moreover, his mother is a good lady, who can take care of you, if you
decide to throw fits like you did yesterday. So tell me what’s the problem? Give me one good reason and I will not ask you
again. We don’t want to impose anything on you. We are very worried that you are losing something very valuable without
realising, because of your childishness”, his words were sharp, but they also showed the love he has for me.
“Dad, I agree with all that you said about Rajiv, but don’t you think that love is also very important? I don’t love him dad. I don’t
feel anything like that towards him. He is a good friend, but nothing more than that. He also knows that I don’t love him and
that’s why he didn’t even propose to me. He has no illusions about our relationship”. I just can’t take it anymore. I need to tell
somebody.
“Then I have to tell that you are very incorrect. You want to live in your own world and imagine that everybody is happy with
that arrangement. But let me tell you young lady that we are not. No man will spend a lot of time without loving a girl. What
Rajiv is doing is, waiting for you, giving you time to understand him. He is hoping that you will come to your senses some day,
and say yes to him. I spoke to him a couple of days agoand he said that you get to know him better day by day. He was sure
that you are going to agree for marriage soon. Please don’t break his heart; he doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. He is
also a human being and he might get hurt because of your silliness. So decide what you want and let us know soon. He can’t
wait for you forever, even though he says so”, his voice was very firm and he continued further. “I think that you are
overworking. You became so thin, if it continues you will look like a skeleton and collapse. This is not healthy. As a doctor you
should know this”.
And that word was my undoing. My control shattered with that one line he gave at the end. That is the same line by Abhi and I
can still hear it in my mind. I hurriedly turned my head to hide my tears, but dad saw them already. He just hugged me and
pulled my face towards him. I couldn’t control any further and broke down. He let me cry for a long time. I sobbed like a child
and cried uncontrollably. All the pent up emotion and tears stored in my heart for 9 months, found an outlet today and came
out. Eventually my mother heard and joined us. Mom repeatedly asked for forgiveness, thinking that it was her over curiosity
which made me cry and finally started crying. At the end, dad and I had to console her. I accepted her apologies to silence her
and gave her a big hug. I was relieved that dad didn’t get the time or chance to ask me what really happened.
Later that day, I took leave from my work and went to Maria’s place to talk about the present position with her. It’s her day off
and we talked about my life for hours. According to her, Rajiv is the best thing that happened to me. She insisted that I should
marry him because she is doubtful that I will get another chance like this. I had to agree. Not many men are as understanding
as Rajiv. I have to give him that credit. May be once I get married to him, I might forget my sorrows and be happy. He has this
happy air around him; I am sure that he will make me happy too. The more I thought about it, the more I get convinced. After
all, this decision will make my parents also happy and what is more important than their happiness?
I remained almost all the day with Maria and by the end of the day we concluded that I should say yes to Rajiv. I remembered
all those evenings I enjoyed with him happily and assured myself that I am taking the correct decision. My heart might be the
stupid one, who stuck to impossible dreams, but my brain is still capable of taking clever decisions and I appreciated myself
for that. I said bye to Maria and started my car with renewed energy.
I got back home around evening and found it empty. Watchman informed me that they went to attend my cousin’s wedding.
God, I totally forgot about it. I should have called them and informed about my leave from work and my visit to Maria’s house.
They must have waited for me and left when it was getting too late. I felt so sorry for them. Mom bought a special outfit for me
to wear for this occasion. Believing that I am going to marry Rajiv soon, she wanted me to look by best in this function. She
actually bored me like hell, while making me try the outfit and matching jewellery several times.
The morning’s scene made them act careful towards me and I felt so guilty for making them feel like this. Glumness hung
around the house like black curtains. My outfit was neatly put out on bed, in case I reach home in time and decided to attend
the wedding. Some part of felt relieved for not having to put on that impractical outfit, but I felt so bad for them that I decided to
make my parents happy tomorrow by announcing the news. I actually wanted to tell them tonight that I decided to marry Rajiv.
Since they are not available, I shall enjoy my last night of freedom and make the announcement tomorrow. I just don’t want to
tell this through the phone. It can wait one night. From tomorrow, I will listen to them and dutifully wear any number of silly
outfits my mom wants me to wear.