Excerpts from Other Titles by Muse Joel
1. Excerpt from: “Sex and Marriage: A Guide to the Mystery of Wine and Its Application in Romance, Love and Sex”
Chapter Three
3
RABBI Akiba Ben Joseph was right when he wrote, “Heaven forbid that any man in Israel ever disputed that the Song of Songs is holy. For the whole world is not worth the day on which the Song of Songs was given to Israel, for all the writings are holy and the Song of Songs is the Holy of Holies” (Mishnah Yadayim 3:5)!
Did you get that?
Well, perhaps more than I do, I hope.
Nevertheless, having settled the authority of the Canticles as being part of the Scriptural Canon, and before I gets too deep into the subject matter of this book – the mysteries of wine and its application in romantic relationships – I would like to spell out 8 fundamental lessons from the book of Song of Solomon – and how it applies to passionate love, romance, sex and intimacy in marriage!
Within the context of this book, therefore, I’ll be revealing earth-shaking principles which the World have stolen from Christians, sure-fire principles that makes romantic relationships more passionate, intimate and exciting, and that could make you gain talent for love-making because this is the place where passion, contrary to the World’s view of Christian relationship, marriage and love, is given an exclusive, poetic considerations!
But first and foremost why, I ask in stunning wonder, did God decide to speak to us through poetic terms when it comes to love, sex and meaningful, passionate, romantic relationships?
Why not in plain words as in the case of the first five books of the Bible, or parables as in the case of The Gospel, or mysteries as in the case of the book of Revelation?
Why poetic phrases?
Perhaps there is more to this language when it comes to love and passion between a man and a woman, more to it than meets the eyes when your words are lurks in graphic, sensuous imagery, thus turning your partner on and allowing him or her to imagine, to fantasy, and to dream of the pleasure of falling into your arms and insinuating its meaning, thereby associating you with pleasant thoughts and taking lead in your creative, dynamic imagery which you’ve painted with your words.
One of the most potent, forceful, dramatic, charming and lofty words that can be more convincing when it comes to love and passionate romance, and which invariably can gets deep into one spirit, psychology and inhibits ones thought, feeling and creates that strong, passionate desire and emotion are lurks in poetic expressions!
The tragedy, however, is that even most Christians have failed in their relationships with their spouses, and could hardly believe the truth and intent that God is interested in their relationships and everything in the mix!
Often time they live and behave as if Christianity discredits passionate love. Hence, little wonder most relationships in the World, Christian relationships not excluded, have become practically technical and boring!
Why?
Because somehow many believe that God is not particularly interested in true romance and love, that He’s not interested in how you make your partner feel beautiful in a way that makes him or her think of love, of strong romantic feelings towards you and to see you as a person of adventure, pleasure and satisfaction! Little wonder many can’t get pass the hassles of relationships!
Now since God has decides to speak to us through these dramatic, beautiful poetic languages that could awaken desire and create fantasy, what are the 8 powerful principles, as I’d said earlier on before this time, and according to the book of Song of Songs, for experiencing passionate love with your spouse or for bringing romance back into your marriage?
How can you be romantic in heart using the powerful principles of the Song of Songs whether you’re a Christian or not, and become an epitome of adventure, pleasure, excellence and spark?
How can you become a ravishing literature, music and art for your spouse by using the book?
Even though you might not have seriously thought about it lately like me, regardless I perceive you really want to know how, isn’t it? You really want to experience a whirlwind romance with your date, right?
Alright, let’s go.
1. Learn How to Create an Atmosphere of Pleasurable Suspense
Call it pleasurable suspense, call it anticipatory thrill, call it hurtle of expectation, or call it longing and waiting. The truth is, whatever you call it they are all one and the same, and are equally channel towards the same goal and purpose: arousing desire and excitement! This is a powerful principle in love, in passionate relationship and it play a tremendous role in marriage!
To be honest, one of the basic fundamental secrets of romance when it comes to romantic relationships, passionate love and intimacy is hidden in pleasant anticipation which most times breed fantasies, mysteries, waiting and longing!
And these we saw in the book of Song of Songs as the two lovers, in poetic terms, spent most of their time fantasizing, searching and chasing each other around in the city:
“By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not. I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not. The watchman that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth? It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me. I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (3:1-5).
Did you get that?
Here was the bride in search of her bridegroom risking her dare life in the wee of the night and in danger of getting arrested or even worse, shot by the security forces! Driven by love and losing sight of any impending danger, she walks through the streets of the city asking anyone who crosses her part the whereabouts of her lover.
Now that does not begin to suggest that you chase your wife or partner around in the city, write her dozens of love poems and letters like the guy in Notebook who, because of his family status, was poor and separated by distance had to keep writing letters to his fiancée each day for 365 days!
Mine, that is crazy, isn’t it? Or perhaps true love!
Despite the fact the guy never received a single reply to his letters from his fiancée, a reason strong enough to discourage and dissuade most men from keeping on with the game plan, regardless, he kept on writing for 3-6-5-days for each day!
Can you imagine that? What was his motivation? What kept him at the end of the edge?
To be honest, creating an atmosphere of anticipation and suspense in a committed relationship affect desire and create excitement! It awakens the thoughts, the feelings and interests of your spouse towards you! It deepens emotional tension and bounds between the two of you!
You must understand the psychology of men. When things gets too monotonous it becomes boring; tensions would begin to rise and build up and thus, we’ll become desperate and begin to look for an escape route! Thus the best way to keep up the flame in your relationship is to continually create pleasurable suspense and exciteful mystery for your date!
This, no doubt, would lure your spouse further and further into you as you create deeper and deeper bounds between the two of you. If you cannot create this type of loving atmosphere where your partner keeps wondering, where he or she always anticipates what next to expect your relationship would be boring, devoid of delightful sense and harmony!
So, what hidden gift do you put in a box for your spouse? What game do you represent? What adventure do you promise? What suspenseful story with a surprise ending do you unfold?
You must learn how to create and give your partner a thrill of suspense because if your marriage becomes boring, certainly your partner would be bored! You must learn how to move, how to create and always have surprises in your sleeves for your spouse to keep the relationship going!
This is what brings energy; this is what brings possibility, pleasure and adventure in relationships. If you can understand the psychology of men that every one of us, regardless of race or nationality, likes to be led and being led, especially in a journey or adventure that promises hidden pleasure then your spouse, I believe, would let go of any defensiveness, of any ill feeling hitherto rocking your marriage.
Why?
Because this is similar to a movie thriller, a suspense-packed book or song that you listen to which create pleasurable suspense.
Strive to always bring a touch of something different from the ordinary into your relationship, perhaps visiting a place both of you have never been, revealing that part of you that is poetic, charming and alluring, saying something unexpected but romantic.
The reason why most couple don’t think of each other so often, whether they are separated by distance or not, and why infidelity easily finds its way into the relationship is because they have consistently failed in creating pleasurable surprises for each other – an experience that could travel deep into the spirit, emotion and the very vein of each other!
If your partner does not think of you so often, if he or she does not fantasy about you and imagine spending quiet, intimate moment with you, perhaps all the time, chances are you might lose him or her to the one that has gotten deep into him or her.
Therefore, if really you want to get a perfect view of the tremendous power of anticipation in romantic relationships ask a woman. That is because for a woman “nothing equals the buildups”, nothing result to a great night and passionate love as creating the atmosphere of anticipation, of longing and wanting – the phone calls, the gifts, the poems, the flowers, the language of love etc which are indicative of your intense desire for her, all which should be implore during the day before the final, consummating moment!
For a woman to truly enjoy her relationship with you, therefore, whether you’re married, are in a relationship or just pure single hoping to get married someday by-and-by. The truth is you’ll need to constantly take her to the place of anticipation and longing – a place where she becomes desperate and hungry to get the whole of you; to truly know you, to love and commit herself to you!
You need to learn how to create that atmosphere of positive anticipation where she’ll keep guessing what is next in the corner. This will fill her with emotional excitement and thoughts of love towards you. Because in anticipation and longing are lurks passionate surprises!
You see, I often tell people that if you cannot remember one stupid thing you did as a result of love – Adam, Jacob, Abimelech, Samson and the rest of the Bible-guys had their own share of the story – perhaps you have not yet fallen deeply in love!
2. Understand the Principle of How Women Treasure the Value of Being Pursue
When king Solomon first sighted the Shulamite woman, no doubt he wanted her more than all the galaxy in the Universe, more than any other women in the whole of Israel. But because he was rich, famous, handsome and wealthy than any one else in the World, he mistakenly thought and believed the Shulamite woman would fall under his sledgehammer, that she would not resist his moves towards her.
But how wrong he was! Rather than submit to his advances the contrary was the case! In fact if you carefully read through the pages of the Song of Songs you will find out that she had a lover – the shepherd lover – whom she was faithful and committed to even though they were distance and miles apart!
Notice that while king Solomon kept making advances and praising her beauty, she, on the other hand, kept making references to her lover – the shepherded lover!
Regardless, because Solomon understood the value of pursuit, because he loved what he saw in the Shulamite woman and wanted her so badly, he didn’t give up! Though she resisted him at the first, yet at the end of the ends she gave in to Solomon!
Tragically, in the course of the relationship when Solomon started giving in to fornication and sleeping around with other women. He became unable to relate with the Shulamite woman the right way (an evidence of the effect of infidelity in marriage). Thus the bound that existed between them became shattered as the relationship was no longer fulfilling the way it was from the beginning.
The moral of the story?
Alright, here it is:
Believe it or leave it, every woman wants to be pursued – and in that pursuit are found hidden desire and passion! We saw that between Solomon and the Shulamite woman. Besides, even in our modern times, in this World that demands we do more in less time, and whether it be in an organized setting, on the street, at home, with friends or loved ones or through the media outlet, one often hears of such word which has been attributed to a woman, playing hard to get?
Ever heard of it? I think so.
But why?
Why playing hard to get even though she might like the guy and the feeling the experiences brings? Why playing hard to get and assume to be suninterested even when the guy she desperately love and long for eventually walks up to her and ask her out for a date?
Why?
Because she wants to be pursued! She wants you to come after her! It is part of their universal make up! As a result, though interested she would seem to be uninterested, standing aloof and creating the feeling of doubt in your heart!
But the moment she falls for you or gets into your arms she’ll heat up the relationship and would desire to possess all of you, most time throwing out caution and restrain through the window! This is the mystery behind women, the x in their genetic factor or mathematical equation that most people still find’s it hard to solve.
Sometimes woman’s nature gets things complicated and difficult even when she is interested, enjoying the feeling and greedily waiting for the pleasure.
Now let me give you breaking news: no woman would long to commit herself into an intimate relationship to a man who is not serious about his desire for her. She will resist you! It’s a natural law that is clearly spelt and deeply lurked, though not only among the human folks but also among primitive animals!
Hence, if you want your woman to commit to you fully, as a man you must prove yourself over and over and again! You must pursue her even in the bedroom! You must call out to her with sweet voices, send her lovely text messages, and offer her pleasurable gifts; praise her beauty, her face and her figure.
She must see your longing and desperation to have her. “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (Song of Solomon 7:10). Did you get that? It doesn’t matter whether you have been married 365 years with kids that make up a professional football team, or are in a relationship. The truth is, you must understand and be able to harness the principle of the value of pursuit as it relate to your woman!
The Song of Solomon we’ve just read says, “his desire is toward me.” Did you listen closely to that punch line? Notice that the keyword there is the desire of the groom which was directed towards the bride! So what does that imply? How does that make you to be romantically involved with your spouse?
I’ll tell you:
If a woman doubts your desire for her, hardly would she let go her suspicion and commit herself to you. Hardly would she choose to be vulnerable with you, or allowing you to lead her all the way. It doesn’t matter whether you are legally married to her or you’re in a relationship with her or just trying to seduce her. Once she’s unsure and uncertain of how you feel about her, chances are there is little you can get from her.
If you’re passive in your desire and pursuit for her, if you cannot engage all your will and force and take an active participation in the role, seldom would you get into her skin!
Believe me, women likes to be pursued; it’s an ancient trend. They want to see you hopelessly ensnaring yourself in their webs, they want to see you, even though it be with a blind servitude getting involve in the process. And it is an eternal principle; because while men are created to initiate, as an aggressors thus sending either positive or negative signal, women, on the other hand, are created as responders and to responds to these signals!
They respond to a man’s love, whether personal or virtue love, positive or negative. They give back to him what he has given to them – love, attention, care and affection or otherwise! In this case they are liken to a kettle, for it is what you put into your kettle that later comes out into your spoon. Thus the temperature you raise in your relationship is tangent on the coldness or heat you generates.
So get it now if you will: there is no vulnerability for a woman with her man, there is no turning on and physical intimacy without the feeling of security, assurance and interest with her man. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why most people, Christian folks not excluded, have lost the healthy sex life in their marriage.
If a woman does not sense that you are enchanted by her exotic beauty and look, if she realizes that you’re not delightful in her presence, that you don’t listen and pay attention to her to detail, that you ignore and prefer her to others she would hardly fall in love with you. Perhaps she will withdraw completely from you – physically, emotionally and otherwise.
Regardless, and according to Scripture there are three metaphorical phrases that every woman, in this light, can be liken to. Though I must admit there are more in the Scripture than the three herein listed. But for the purpose of this book we would consider just these three:
Firstly, every woman is likened to a treasure hidden at the cliff of a rock, to get them out you must call them forth according to the book of Song of Solomon 2:14: “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.”
Perhaps the play, Shriek, quickly strikes a code in this paragraph.
Honestly, then, if your music is not pleasant to a woman’s ear, if the tone of your flute is not well coordinate to inspire passion, desire and longing, if you cannot reach deeply into her soul and awaken that inner passion and emotion, hardly would she come out of the cliff and surrender herself to you.
Secondly, every woman is likened to a locked garden, to enjoy the fragrance and the sweetness of the orchid you must constantly care and prune her: “A garden inclosed (i.e. locked) is my . . . spouse . . .” (4:12).
Of course, every woman has her style of care and pruning she expects from her man. What works with one might not necessarily work with the other. However, there is a universal language of love that every woman responds and submits to whether she is black, white, red, brown or whatever.
And finally, every woman is likened to a fountain that is sealed, to drink from the sweetness of the spring you must constantly take care of her, show affection and desire to drink from her alone; for what we show more affection for we take great care of and protects: “. . . my spouse . . . a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.” (4:12).
Amazing, isn’t it, to know that all these are lurked within the pages of the Bible? And isn’t this an indication that God wants us to get the best in our relationships? That He wants our relationships to be driven with passion, romance and intimacy rather than being technical and boring, filled with do’s and don’ts that are probably more than the Ten Commandments?
In case you have forgotten let me remind you that I have chosen to be criticized for speaking on what I know regarding passionate love, romance and sex from the Bible. And I’m sorry to disappoint you that most of the writings you would probably come across in this book might not sound much like the sermon you’re familiar with in your church.
So whether you’re in the city or in a deserted island, here is the punch line for all the guys: if you cannot work hard to get the woman you truly love, chances are you will never get her; then forget it!
3. Know That Every Woman Have a Need for Foreplay
Words are powerful (in fact to get a better understanding of this concept as it relate to money, you can place an order for my book titled, How to Turn Words into Money, a book that reveals secrets gotten from scriptural truth and principle as they relates to words and money).
The truth is, words play critical role in relationships. And the Scripture, thank God, did not leave us in dark as to the art of using devoted words with your spouse; it did not leave us in doubt as to the mystery of foreplay and romance with your spouse.
If you don’t know how to impress you lady with words, if you don’t know how to praise her beauty with metaphorical phrases – I’m not talking about eloquent speech or sounding like Shakespeare; no! But there is something more about words in romantic relationships that your partner has got to know that you’re really thinking of her (or him).
Fortunately, the guy in the book of Song of Songs understood this too well when he said, “Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, moving down the slopes of Gilead [suggesting that she has long beautiful black hair] . . . Your lips are like a crimson thread, and your mouth is lovely” (4:1, 3).
Getting it? Right? Ok!
Chapter 7 verse 1 of King James version reads, “How beautiful are thy feet with shoes . . . the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.”
Like the guy in the Song of Solomon, when a man is truly in love and in pursuit of a woman he truly loves, all of a sudden he becomes a tenth century BC poet even when he is a dunce! He becomes a scientist creating gadgets in the secret reverie of his imagination just to woe the woman of his choice! He becomes an artist creating beautiful pictures of the lady he loves with the force of his brush and paints.
Why? Because the emotion of love, believe it or leave it, has a way of awakening the love-genius in us; it sure has a way of connecting us with the divine!
Tragically we are living in a World plagued with negative words, thoughts and desires. So much is said, but few are pleasant to the ears. Many of us are dying of pleasant phrases, of comforting words whether it be in the place of work, at home, in religious settings or in relationships.
If you cannot stir, create and idealize your spouse with beautiful, romantic words, if your words cannot shift perspective and opinion, if it cannot arouse positive, delightful thought and feeling, if it does not have the sound of music in it then you will be irritating to your spouse only to have him or her constantly turning you off like nose that is turned off!
Most of the words we use for our spouses are noise; they are too selfish with the edge of a pin pricking their ears, emotion, feeling, psychology and more.
So do you really want to get under the skin of your spouse? Do you want your words to create pleasure like the melodious rhythm that constantly, positively turn your mood, excite emotion and create relaxation?
Words can distract your relationship. It can cause your spouse to focus he’s or her attention away from you. But if rightly use it can entertain, bring hope and move your spouse to get closer to you.
You must learn to validate your partner and create delirious effect through words, not through arguments.
I doubt if foreplay will ever be complete without loving and romantic words to stir emotion, light touch to elicit excitement, sensuous gaze to infect desire, and humor and applause to lay to rest the feeling of insecurity and defensiveness.
In interest lies imagination, fantasy, desire and foreplay.
Understand, therefore, if you would, the mystery of foreplay and how it promotes passionate sex and long-term intimate relationship with your spouse! When the woman in the Song of Solomon 2:4 remarks, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love” – friend, that is foreplay with a candlelight dinner! – and it is more than mere words, poetic phrases, compliments or bunch of rose flowers!
In fact it is taking her out for a meal in a five star restaurant when she least expect! It is paying traditional musicians to rally around her and to play her her favorite love song! It is acting out a script, staging a drama and reading her her favorite poem on a night stage!
It is setting up the sky ablaze with beautiful lights to praise her beauty! It is decorating the hall with beautiful roses, flowers and spices to celebrate her potential! It is giving her special treats that would make her faint for love and long for your touch!
And what is the aim of all these – the flowers, the dinner nights, the compliments, the phone calls, the text messages, the stage play, the traditional music, the candlelight dinner, the flowers and roses etc? Because, as other version states it, “his intention towards me was love.”
Now that crowns it all: your intention towards her is love! Or call it passionate sex (for those who are legally married) if you would.
You can’t adopt this technique – a technique with sexual connotation and not have a lasting effect on your spouse. Surely, it would reveal your intention towards her. She’ll know you’re luring her, that you’re about to get more physical and intimate with her