30 Days to a Sexier You! A Self Help Guide for Women Suffering from Low Libido by Linda L. Ryan, RN - HTML preview

There is nothing wrong with sex for sex’s sake. Keeping sexually active doesn’t always have to mean that you are both in the mood.

Sometimes it can just mean taking a bit of time to give your partner pleasure because that is what you want to do for them. Masturbation (self or mutual) is also a satisfying way to keep sexually active.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 17

The Big Bang Theory

Our culture places a lot of emphasis on orgasm and intercourse when it refers to sexual function. In fact, the very notion of foreplay – from a seductive dinner to the pleasures of sex toys – are seen as a prelude to those final few moments of sexual release. We’re in such a hurry to get ‘there’ that we forego the pleasures of the journey.

Men refer to ‘having scored’ when their seduction ends with ejaculation. For women however, sex is more than the orgasm! Sex does not have to result in intercourse. Our feelings of satisfaction are entwined in the enjoyment of the physical sensations of closeness, sensuality and touch plus the deeper currents of trust, feeling loved and valued, and bonding with another person.

That’s not to say that we don’t savor the intense satisfaction and release of an orgasm! Of course we do… but there’s so much more.

Women inherently know and feel this; it’s a matter of helping our partners to understand that the road to an orgasm has lots of delights along the way.

You can slow down the road to intercourse by having side trips along the way. These could include going for a walk, a romantic dinner, having a shower together, a sensual massage, using sex toys, etc. Take the time to create an experience that’s more than just the climax.

Once the attention is on the pleasures along the way, there’s less of a rush to get to the end.

And remember, that while intercourse gets the media attention, there’s lots of other ways to bring about an enjoyable—and satisfying—

sexual release.

We’ll talk more on that later.

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Thought for Today

All couples experience sexual problems at some point in their relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that! If the problems are not addressed and worked out however, then your relationship could be in jeopardy. The mere existence of a problem is not a sign of failure; it’s a normal part of a relationship. Your partner’s sexual needs may change over time. Stress and major life changes are an inevitable part of everyone’s life. These kinds of issues can cause change in levels of desire, satisfaction, etc. and will require periods of adjustment.

Try this Today

Be playful and maintain a playful attitude. As adults we forget how to play but when we retain some of our childhood playfulness, our lives are much fuller and happier.

Sex should be fun and playful. You can play traditional games like strip poker or be creative and make up some of your own. Once laughter and silliness enters your love making, the stress vanishes, the uptightness disappears and the feelings become erotic.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 18

Viagra No Solution

for Women

All women know that a desire for sex and intimacy starts with her emotions. Even the makers of Viagra have acknowledged that that female sexual function is much more intricate than first imagined.

In 2004, Pfizer Inc, announced that they would be abandoning eight years of previous research conducted in an attempt to develop a drug similar to Viagra to improve female libido and sexual health. According to their announcement:

“Viagra works by blocking an enzyme that acts as an inhibitor of blood flow. In men, this can cause penile tissue to swell. The same enzyme inhibitor affecting male sexual dysfunction can influence pelvic blood flow in women.

“The Viagra research team attempted to find a link between arousal in women and pelvic blood flow in the early stages of trials. However, this failed and the researchers even suggested that genital arousal in women does not necessarily produce sexual desire in women as it typically does in men. Women define sexual arousal based on mental and emotional, as well as biological factors.

“According to the researchers working on the Viagra team, in cases where sexual desire is inhibited due to emotional or psychological factors, a female Viagra solution may not be applicable.” Even though Viagra was developed to assist men with erectile dysfunction, it has become a recreational drug for many men. In spite of the side effects – and the unknown long term consequences – sales of Viagra and similar drugs continue to soar.

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Our culture has become addicted to drugs and we look to drugs for quick solutions. Perhaps the intricate nature of a woman’s sexuality is a hint that women are quite capable of managing their intimate nature if they give their attention to it. It is a smarter and safer way to health and wellness.

Thought for Today

Discuss your feelings, needs, desires, fears, embarrassments and expectations in and out of the bedroom in regard to all aspects of the relationship. Constant and open communication within your relationship will increase the intimacy and greater intimacy will lead to better sex.

Express your love and appreciation on a regular basis in and outside of the bedroom. Passion stays alive by verbalizing your desires, appreciation and love.

Try this Today

Find a good erotic book or poetry that you and your partner are both interested in reading. Read from it each night while you are in bed and take turns reading it out loud. This is a great alternative to television and provides personalized entertainment that always has an appreciative audience.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 19

Love Will Keep Us Together

Loving yourself first is the essential key to being able to truly love your partner. Anything short of that leaves your pleasure and fulfillment in someone else hand. That’s not to say that your partner is not a key ingredient to your personal sexual fulfillment, but rather that ultimately it is your desire—even if that desire it to fulfill someone else’s desire—that is the underlying motivator to your sexual feelings.

A woman once confided to me, “My whole sexual expression is to satisfy my man. I receive my deepest feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment in giving my partner sexual satisfaction.” Not every woman would feel motivated in that way but it shows the complexity of a woman’s emotional needs. There is no right or wrong when it comes to a woman’s emotional fulfillment.

In spite of the progress of liberation, many women are under pressure to serve (some would say be subservient) the man in her life. While there are the obvious inequalities such as wage discrepancies, household chores and career obstacles that are unjustified, women are not here to serve men but to complement them.

In my relationship, I love to be the cook—it’s my hobby so I never feel obligated in this role. In other relationships, the cooking can be an issue.

The maturity of a relationship is revealed when the ‘mundane’ chores are attended to without expectation that it’s a man’s—or woman’s—job.

When you love yourself first, it’s easier to love the man your with.

Instead of arguing and fussing over who does what—whether it’s the garbage or the sexual position—the attention goes to complementing the strengths and weakness of each other.

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When you’re feeling good about yourself and you’re anxious to share that with the one you love, the intimate currents move without restriction.

This is what makes the innocence of a new relationship so powerful.

The innocence doesn’t go away; it just needs your attention to make it grow again.

Thought for Today

Most of the great songs and hits that were part of our youth expressed the power of love over any obstacle that stood in the way. While the words may have been simple, the message was clear: Love has the power to heal, bond, grow and overcome any challenge. Do you still believe in that?

Try this Today

Take one night this week and agree to put aside all things practical—

no thoughts about taking out the garbage, paying bills, or reminding him to put the toilet seat down. No thinking about how busy you are, and how tomorrow will be just another hectic day when you likely fall in bed exhausted at night. Take this one evening for yourself and your partner and pretend you’re on vacation without a care in the world. If the night ends with passionate sex that is great—but if it doesn’t you worked on the intimacy and connection in your relationship.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 20

Sexual Feelings Long

to be Expressed

We’ve spent that last 20 days touching on many of the things that play on a woman’s emotions regarding her sexuality.

I obviously haven’t touch on all of them and do much more than bringing them to your awareness. Hopefully you’ve been giving these thoughts and feelings some needed attention and along with sniffing your Scentuelle patch, you’re beginning to feel more comfortable with your sexuality.

I did not want 30 Days to a Sexier You! to be a ‘patch-me-up’ program full of quick-fix promises which will never materialize. Instead, 30 Days is about touching those sacred, intimate currents that are common to all women. These are the feelings that are often exploited, abused and pushed aside by the self-serving agendas of the media, our friends, our partners… and even ourselves.

This program is not to make you ‘a perfect responsive, sexual woman’—who could do that beside you anyway? This program is a daily support program to help you with your commitment… the one you made on Day 1.

So now that many of the major issues have been put into your light, it’s time to give some attention to giving those feelings expression in a sexual way. Sexual feelings long to be expressed—especially with the one you’re sharing your life with. Going solo also has benefits, of course!

So for the next 10 days we’ll explore some of the tips and techniques that will make expressing those feelings satisfying, fun and empowering.

Isn’t that what sex should be?

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There is a wealth of material readily available that will give you an unlimited choice of expressing your sexuality. It really comes down to how you would like to give it expression.

Thought for Today

Humans are sexual beings. Without sex we would not be here. While some religions promote the notion that sex as just for procreation, there’s more to sex than making babies! Being comfortable with your femininity, enjoying your sensuality and expressing your sexuality give meaning and breadth to your life. It is your life; don’t let someone else tell you how it should be expressed.

Try this Today

Which three women do you admire the most in the way they express their sexuality? What is it they say or do that puts them on your list? Is it a physical feature you admire? Their attitude? Their overall demeanor? Find a photograph of these three women and put them somewhere where they will remind you of those qualities that please you. Since they are qualities of character, they are available for anyone to emulate.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 21

The Joys of Masturbation

There’s so much to be said about the joys of masturbation!

Masturbation consists of touching, caressing or rubbing ones own genitals (or those of ones partner) to achieve pleasurable feelings and excitement. The research by Dr. Alfred Kinsey and Masters and Johnson showed that it’s a natural activity that allows for the release of sexual tension.

Masturbation gives you a personal understanding on how your body responds to pleasure, helps to intensify your sexual sensations and feelings, and brings physical pleasure to your fantasies.

Masturbation is the most spontaneous form of sexuality and the simplest to practice. It allows a woman to become comfortable with her body and to enrich her sexual life, while getting to know her own body better and to master it. Masturbation plays an essential role in adding to the sexual enjoyment with her partner.

Women who masturbate aren’t lonely nor have incompetent partners!

It’s natural to continue to masturbate even when one has a regular partner and a satisfactory sex life. Masturbation is often a supplementary activity, and even as a temporary substitute for sexual intercourse.

Masturbation is an experience where you don’t have to pay attention to anybody else and you can follow the rhythm and the wanderings of your own imagination.

In a relationship where one partner has a higher sex drive, masturbation is the simplest way to bring release and dissipate any frustration. Mutual masturbation can also be very pleasant.

Ones own desire will be increased by the pleasure 50

3 0 D a y s t o a S e x i e r Y o u !

of the other. One can also do it before or during intercourse. It increases the excitement and allows the couple to share a different intensity of intercourse.

Masturbation is also a tool to help you relax. It helps to calm fear and stress because pleasure has a fundamental role in one’s psychic balance.

Do you need to more convincing?

Thought for Today

For many normal, healthy women masturbation is their primary or only means of experiencing orgasm. Many women experience their most intense orgasms while masturbating, because they can provide the ideal mental and physical stimulation and not worry about the wants of their partner. Masturbation is extremely beneficial to women throughout their life, from infancy to maturity. While a woman will not always have a sexual partner she will always have herself.

Try this Today

Give yourself permission and take the time to masturbate. If it is already part of your sexual expression—then enjoy. If you’re feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed, then give yourself a push. Most women are already enjoying it.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 22

The Elusive Orgasm

We all know that achieving orgasm during sex makes us feel good. Orgasms are also beneficial for you. An orgasm is not simply a contraction of muscles that results in a pleasurable sensation; it is also a complex process that can help regulate the various functions of your body.

Orgasms are natural stress-relievers. During sexual activity, the parts of the female brain responsible for fear, anxiety and strong emotion begin to relax.

A study by behavioral endocrinologist, Dr. Winifred Cutler, indicates that women who engage in weekly sexual activity have higher levels of estrogen in their blood, which can lead to a healthier cardiovascular system, lower bad cholesterol, increase the level of good cholesterol, add to bone density and give you suppler skin. Regular sexual activity can also regulate a woman’s menstrual cycle.

It’s well known that most women do not reach orgasm through intercourse alone. However, many couples struggle needlessly, believing that one of them is doing something wrong. It is important for couple’s to understand this so that you do not feel inadequate and your partner doesn’t pressure you with unrealistic expectations.

Instead of feeling frustrated, use it as an opportunity to try something new. For example, most women find that oral sex is one of the best ways to reach orgasm.

The lack of foreplay is a major factor in not reaching orgasm. In the excitement leading up to sex, there is a tendency to reduce the time spent on foreplay or to skip it altogether. Unless there are serious time constraints, foreplay should never be skipped. Make sure your partner understand this.

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Sometimes the best way to learn how to have a better orgasm is to practice on your own. This involves taking the time to get to know your body and what sensations you find most pleasurable. The more you are able to achieve orgasm by yourself, the better able you will be to recognize the signs of pleasure when you’re with your partner.

Sex is supposed to be fun. If you’re constantly worried about whether or not you will achieve orgasm, you are quite simply going about things in the wrong way. Let your thoughts and expectations go, take more time and focus on the wonderful feeling between the two of you.

Thought for Today

Happily, a woman’s ability to climax tends to improve with age.

Having an orgasm is a sensational feeling. You are entitled to it, but it’s not easy to do if you are uptight, tired, stressed or unhappy in your relationship.

Try this Today

If you would like to experience your orgasm during intercourse, try stimulating your clitoris while having intercourse with a vibrator or your fingers and by experimenting with positions that stimulate the clitoris during intercourse, such as the woman on top position.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 23

Sex Hollywood Style

Sex in the movies is how we want sex to be. Sex in our bedrooms is an entirely different story.

Sex in the movies is usually a heavenly-inspired activity that is stunningly perfect. The participants are adequately aroused, the bra and buttons come easily undone, the belt slides off as easily as the pants, and the bed—or kitchen counter, grassy knoll, or office desk—provide magical spots for the ensuing action.

Periods are suspended, the lingerie is from Victoria’s Secret, the hair bounces with every move, the physical flaws are airbrushed away and the orgasms are mutually explosive. There’s no issue with contraception, morning breath or the wet spot. Frigidity, premature ejaculation and pregnancy are forbidden on the set. It just perfect sex as we wish it would be.

Then there is the reality of the sex most of us engage in. We’re usually already in bed and our personal baggage is lying there with us voicing—

verbally or not—what we like and don’t like, how we want it (or not) and for how long.

Our sexual reality has us deciphering the mood, dealing with contraception, lubrication, the grunts and moans and the desire to make it an enjoyable and satisfying experience. Our reality deals with the body odors, periods (a blessing that menopause ends), morning breath, noises from the kids rooms, eying the alarm clock and should ‘it’ happen, dealing with the clean up.

Our sexual expression brings a dose of reality. Whatever the state of our thoughts, feelings, and bodies at the time sex is initiated is what we bring into the activity. Sex, Hollywood-style, is not what goes on in our bedrooms. We deal with reality.

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The advantage scheduling time for sex is being able to prepare and utilize some of those movie props. Sex should also be a spontaneous impulse and reveals you as you are….oily hair, baggy sweats, bad breath and smelly body. Make sure that both activities are part of your sexual expression.

The power in a sexual current will often mitigate the harsher reality that movies cover up. Letting go to the current is the closest to the Hollywood scene most of us will ever see.

Thought for Today

We all know that what is shown on the screen is not real but a story line developed to entertain. We also know that ‘movie sex’

is not reality. It would make sense then to set such an unrealistic expectation. Romance novels and movies play to our feelings. This makes great entertainment. But reality brings us as we are. Loving that script makes more sense.

Try this Today

Set up your bedroom in the best possible ‘movie set’ you can imagine. Use as many props as you can find. Add the elements that make sex scenes in movies so enticing such as lighting and easy-to-remove clothing. Now make yourself the movie star. Invite your partner to play his role. Your set will have a great deal more realism than what we see on the big screen.

Oh, and one last thing... Remember to sniff your patch today!

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Day 24

Getting in the Mood

Setting the right mood, from your thoughts and feelings to where you do your loving, will greatly determine how the deeper currents of love will be expressed.

When the hormones were wild and unbridled, any place for sex would do. When life settles into the more mundane, the setting is often compromised. An unmade bed, dirty clothes, room clutter and an “It doesn’t matter” attitude puts a damper on the lovemaking.

Spend regular sensual time with your partner so that the sexual energy has balance to it. If sex is saved for the last activity of the day, the expectation and pressure can bring undue stress...

Create the time to share an intimate meal, complete with music, candles and flowers. Take walks together. Shower together. Spread the sexual feelings over many activities, so it’s not just left for the bedroom.

Dressing in something sensual, such as lingerie, a silk slip, short skirt, silk blouse or anything that makes you feel sexy. You can also feel incredibly sexy by going without your bra and underwear throughout your day.

The bedroom doesn’t always need to be set perfectly but you can do little things that add an erotic dimension to make it more sensual. It comes down to simple things like clean sheets to slide into and clothes put away.

While a comfy t-shirt may keep you warm, every woman knows the sexy feelings while wearing lingerie. Men will delight in the visual effect.

You can’t go wrong.

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Light a few candles spray a light scented fragrance and a put on some soft music. Turn down the lights. Warm some body oil. Ambiance can heighten just about any romantic situation.

Whether you turn your bedroom into a boudoir or have a quickie against the wall, the mood is vitally important. When your radar is tuned in to the sexual currents, you’ll quickly find ways to make the setting work.

Thought for Today

Many women are content to allow their partners to control the sexual activities. A mutually satisfying relationship requires that you take charge of expressing your wants and needs as much as he does. By initiating the action you’re building your confidence and expressing your desire. Seduce him from time to time—we’re pretty sure he won’t mind.

Try this Today

Do you know what you smell like? According to Harvard research, scent is responsible for sexual responses more than any other sense in the body. T