Chapter 6 Narrative Therapy
As a therapist, it isn’t necessary for me to unpack everything from your past. In fact, if the client doesn’t want to explore the past, we don’t. It’s that simple. One does haven’t to talk about the past to get better. CBT doesn’t care about the past, it cares about changing the thought that leads to a corresponding change in feeling, which results in a behavioral change. Or, you change the behavior, which changes a thought… Basically, you change one thing, usually others things have to change.
There are lots of forms of therapies. I have been in and out of therapy, several different modes- but I made the most progress on my own utilizing narrative therapy. I have been writing since I was young. I wrote some fan fiction that became fairly popular, but I actually didn’t write the fan fiction intending to share it- it was my therapy before I even knew what I was doing. With each consecutive story, I found my mood increasingly better. Now, maybe it wasn’t the content. Maybe it was the fact I was doing something I love. Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment. It feels nice to complete a task. In 2015 I step up my game and decided, I am going to write, I am going to have to do it daily. Consequently, I have write over thirty books, all of which are available online. And all of it is my therapy.
The brain doesn’t care if it’s fiction or reality. You can find health watching a movie. You find health reading a book. You can learn vicariously through others. You can empathize. You don’t have to have cancer to know it sucks ass. Your brain is capable of processing information and delivering you the answers, if you condition it. In this sense, I find ‘the puppy dog method’ of training mindfulness appropriate. The first time you sit down to meditate, it takes effort to reign the brain in. It jumps all over you and runs around the room. Did I leave the stove on? Oh, it’s hot in here, maybe we should adjust the AC. It will give you a million reasons why it shouldn’t be doing the thing you ask it to do. Don’t hit it with a newspaper. It’s a puppy. You never asked it to sit still before. Call it back to task, gently. Relax. It will wander again, bring it back to task, with compassion… It’s all about compassionate redirection. If you can only do it for a minute, do it for a minute. You will build endurance in time. One of my favorite books by Carl Jung is “The Red Book.” In it, he suggests everyone should create a ‘red book.’ (Narrative therapy!) Now he was using a technique he invented called “active imagination.” The best way to think of it is ‘daydreaming’ on steroids. You engage your mind, your inner dialogue and you fantasize your way to health. I can see some arguments for there being some people who would be ill advised pursuing a fantasy life. Not all therapies are suited for all people, that’s why there are so many. Calling active imagination a form of ‘daydreaming’ may be an terrible over simplification. It is extraordinary powerful. It is possible using active imagination to have transpersonal experiences. Jung writes about them in the ‘Red Book’ and his discussion about Philemon are more than just imagined character, but is something more akin to a spiritual adviser.
And Carl’s way may not be for the faint of heart. As I mentioned, he is proponent for shadow work. You heal by facing your darkness, and integrating it. "He (man) cannot conquer the tremendous polarity of his own nature on his own resources; he can only do so through the terrifying experiences of a psychic process that is independent of him, that works him rather than he it."
The unconscious can be terrifying, that’s for damn sure. Anyone who was wakened by a nightmare can testify to that. But it’s in figuring out how to engage the unconscious that we learn about ourselves, and maybe realize that which our unconscious was trying to communicate. What we avoid gets amplified. Let’s say our unconscious gave us a dream and we ignored. So, it gave it again, but it turned up the volume. At some point, regular dreams becomes restless, and then nightmares. We ignore our intuition and our signs at our own peril. How many people ignored their anxiety and ended up with stomach ulcers, or migraines, or physical health issues. If the unconscious can’t get your attention psychically, it will get your attentions through the physical.
Napoleon Hill, in his 1937 “Think and Grow Rich,” chapter 13, “The Invisible Counselor Technique” strikes me as an example of active imagination. The basic premise is, imagine you would like to have a team of counselors. Your job is to pick the people you most aspire in all of time and history. They can be alive or dead. They can fictitious. You then write a formal invitation requesting they join your team. You then learn as much as you can about these people. And then, you meditate on them and imagine how they would respond to the questions you have. In the beginning, this usually feels awkward, you feel as if you’re answering the questions, but at some point, if you keep at it, the people you invited give you responses you did not anticipate or script. That feels like how I have experienced ‘active imagination.’ If you’re curious, I picked 7, not twelve. My committee consists of the following. Carl Jung. Well, if you’re going to explore the unconscious, you might as well start with the best. Jackie Chan. I decided strength is best tempered with humor. Nikola Tesla. The smartest man ever? Sacagawea. I needed a navigator, and I am partial to the Native American spirituality. Uhura. Yes, fiction because I was curious, and also, I wanted a language expert and musician. It’s also easy for me to hear her voice, “Hailing frequencies open, Captain.” And, the Goddess Isis. I imagined she would be a lot like the “Almighty Isis” actress, JoAnna Cameron- but she appears to be more Egyptian. Appropriate so.
I went one step further off the deep end. I created a Tulpa, a personality construct that I meditated on so consistently, I experience her on an auditory level. I have flashes of her, but nothing as sustained as the practitioners of this art, a Tibetan Monk Meditation, report having experienced. Since engaging in these above three activities, I have not experienced writer’s block, and I don’t feel like I write, as much as I experience an event and am transcribing it.
Saying that I do this and that I have had experiences feels rather risky. The thing is, when nothing else seems to have resulted in remedies- you can’t just give up. If normal doesn’t work- do something nuts! No one doubts that Napoleon Hill was successful, and that book is still the number one self-help book today- considered the model for all self-help books. That chapter is out there, but you don’t really hear anything about it- good or bad. If you don’t know Jung, well, you’re not trying hard enough. His estate sat on the Red-Book for a long time, not wanting it to be released for fear it would tarnish his reputation. The Red Book is quite fringe in some aspects, but it clearly Jung engaging his subconscious. I have stated that our subconscious runs us more often than not- so why not then, simply engage in the most direct manner possible. Going in, writing, doing art. Along this line, the most accessible homework I give is movie recommendations.
So, for example, if you have a history of trauma, I am most likely going to recommend watching the movie, “Good Will Hunting,” Robin Williams, Mat Daemon. The reasons is, almost everyone in that movies gets better, or changes. “Death Wish Three” is not a viable option for long term health. Society likes revenge movies, but the science on this is very clear- gratefulness, forgiveness, and compassion are the most consistent attributes that when cultivated leads to health. Bitterness does not lead to health. One of the enduring qualities about ‘the Wizard of Oz,’ wasn’t just about Dorothy’s unhappiness, but that she helped people along the way. You can’t help everyone, but no matter where you are on the map you are likely to find someone hung up, frozen in place, and running around in circles. It’s not an obligation to help, and maybe some people shouldn’t until they’re healed- but hell, just recognizing you’re not the only one is helpful.
Maybe you shouldn’t help needs qualification. There are some people who have been so devastated- they simply can’t afford to give. It’s taking all they got to just get up and function. They tend to be not focused, and they tend to be exploited- which results in the further isolating themselves. In a state like this, not only is it inappropriate to help, but it’s inappropriate to recommend someone get out of their head and look around- lots of people are suffering. This next metaphor has been around for a while, even Oprah has used it. I usually start it with a question- and am surprised people frequently give the wrong answer. Set up: “you’re on a plane, 38 thousand feet. It depressurizes and masks fall. You’re in the middle seat, child to your left, elderly to your right. Do you put your mask on first, or other?” Do you know the answer? You may be surprised to know most people chose “other.” You may also be surprised to hear people are surprised when I say, you and the ‘others’ are now dead. Even people who are frequent flyers who have heard the flight attendant’s speech a hundred times still help other in this scenario. Plane depressurizes, you have maybe three seconds to secure your oxygen. After that, you go unconscious. About three seconds. People don’t know what it’s like to be suddenly deprived of air and pressure- some folks have less. Some folks panic. Panic, you’re dead. Secure your oxygen first. Now that you can breathe, you have the luxury of helping someone else in distress. In this metaphor- oxygen is your mental health. Oxygen is joy, or happiness. You can’t give people what you don’t have. Next metaphor. Imagine you’re holding a bucket of water, full to the brim. To carry it takes two arms, you’re holding it tight to your chest. You’re walking slowly, because the goal is not spill it. One more drop of water- of anything, will cause water to flow, to spill. Spillage gets you and others wet. Now, it’s not water. It’s emotions. If you are brim full of emotions, one more emotions- and it doesn’t matter if it’s happiness, sadness, or anger, one more drop of any feeling and your bucket starts running over. That means crying, lashing out, running, hitting yourself- it equals uncontrolled emoting and behaviors. If your bucket is full, you can’t and should not help others. You’re in crisis. We are not designed to walk with full buckets. How do you empty your bucket? Well, crying actually helps. How many of force ourselves not to cry? We are rivers, are water is supposed to move- are emotions are supposed to move- if you damn it up, your bucket gets full, it over flows, and you still get wet- so why not cry. You’re supposed cry sometimes. Fuck, just watch damn Disney movie “Up.” That seriously makes me cry every time. The first ten minutes and that surprise attack when the dog says, “I hid under the porch because I love you.” Fuck- blindsided into tears. The fact that that line affects me is wonderful. The fact that I can cry, that’s a sign of health. It is appropriate if someone is telling me a shit story and tears well up in my eyes to say, “I am feeling this. I can’t even imagine how it was to really be there…”
The bucket metaphor is also useful in terms of distribution on emotional wealth. Emotional wealth is capital. Everyone know capital can be abused. It can be unreasonably withheld. It can be used to exploit others. Most the time, it is unconsciously used to manipulate others. Imagine a family system. Kids, parents. Imagine everyone is a bucket, and all the buckets are connected with tubes that allow water to flow between the buckets. If you know anything about water and the natural world, water will seek its level. Container will equalize. Parents can obviously hold more fluid than children, and healthy parent don’t walk around with full buckets of water- their kids would drown. Let’s say one parent does something irritating, and the other parent gets mad- but holds their tongue because they’re so mad they can’t speak without being mean. Reasonable, right? Sometimes it’s best to hold ones tongue. You bucket gets the emotion and you push down on it to suppress it. Other adult recognizes you’re mad, and blocks any fluid coming into their container. Adults can suppress wonderfully well. Kids cannot. Their buckets are now overflowing. They’re acting out. They’re checking in with parents. They know something is awry, but they probably can’t tell you- and now adults are angry at the kids, but this energy didn’t initiate with kids, it came from the adults and now the kids are getting whacked and they don’t have clue what just happened. This is a family system dynamic, and it plays out more often than not. We are not about our emotions and how they affect others. Some people are highly empathic. Some are closed off. Every system has it’s own dynamics in terms of flow.
In my environment, high empathy allowed me to read others and avoid trouble. If matriarch was happy, everyone was happy. In my family, this really useful, but out in the real world- not so much. It was an uncontrolled superpower. So, it turns out I have ADHD. I discovered this in 2001 when I had my brain mapped at the Neural-Feedback Clinic. That was one explanation for why undergrad took so long. I had to learn how to learn. I wasn’t diagnosed as a kid, thank god, too, but the consequence was being informed I was stupid by family. That’s still one of my triggers- being stupid. Had I grown up in a library, I would likely have been a great student. That’s where I grew up. ADHD was perfect for my environment. I could track things, like beer cans being thrown- firearm about to be discharged. Yes, grandmother was gun toting pool shark, and that firearm was discharged multiple times, brought out of the closet too many times and it’s amazing no one was killed, including police officers banging on the door.
So, in that environment I learned to read others. In that environment, I learned to control my emotions by tracking and manipulating other agents- the ultimate in control. I felt emotions by making others feel. Very useful in my family of origin. Not useful in the real world. People don’t like you messing with their emotion so that you can feel better about yourself. They don’t like you messing with their ideologies and paradigms so you can feel better about your place in the universe. Fortunately, and yes, fortune played a huge roll in my recovery, I had the right people around me and enough insight to learn how to play a new game. Our mental health should not be left to fortune. There are proven strategies that work. Yeah, maybe you tried one and it didn’t work, but maybe that’s because that’s the wrong strategy for you, or you were at the wrong place and time to begin your training, or you have the wrong diagnosis. Lots of people give themselves the wrong thing. This is normal. Even I, knowledgeable with the DMV 5, relate to certain things and want to say I am this, but my friends say, yeah, not so much…
There is only one expert on you- that is you. Ultimately is up to each of us to learn about our conditions and pursue as many educational and therapeutic opportunities as we can. If you have a condition, I recommend getting your undergrad in that, get yours masters in that. I don’t care if that is self-help books, YouTube videos, picking the brains of experts, movies, fiction literature, nonfiction literature… Find your source. TedTalks is a reasonable source. Lots of videos on depression and self-improvement. Use discernment- a Doctor is likely to have more practical information than a high school student- it doesn’t mean the high school student’s message invalid- but don’t accept everything at face value. Measure it weight it. You can be too open. You can be too skeptical. You find your path by walking it.
It doesn’t have to be my movies recommendations. You have to find that thing that resonates with you. I assume, Wizard of Oz if your thing if you came to this book via that meme. I frequently tell people Star Wars is the same movie. Think about it. Luke and Dorothy are the same character. They both start on a farm with their aunt and uncle. We don’t know anything about their parents at this time. Both of them go on a spiritual journey, where they discover the power is within them. Both of them meet friends along the way. Glenda and Obi Wan are the same characters, spiritual gurus that offer guidance. C3PO and the Tin Man are the same characters, obviously. Han Solo is the Cowardly lion; he shoots first, always runs away from a fight. Can you imagine if Dorothy met Yoda. “Never your mind on where you were or what you were doing. Adventure, ha! Over the Rainbow, ha! Jedi crave not these things.” Can you imagine how you can flip the West scene? “Glenda never told what happened to your mother, did she, Dorothy? No, I am you mother. Join me and we can rule Emerald City as mother and daughter.” Ruby slippers, ruby lightsaber… It also make more sense if you see Oz as the evil emperor. Who else would send a nine year old girl to kill a witch? In the book, Dorothy was nine- and not too old to start her training.
What’s interesting about that is the pattern. Once you start seeing a pattern, explore the pattern. One of my go-to movies is “Joe Versus the Volcano,” Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. It is my opinion that movie is completely underrated. It’s about getting stuck and unstuck. It’s about transformation. It’s about patterns. It has a brilliant soundtrack. Great coloring. Interesting lines. And I am going to give you one pattern, because very few people I know saw this. We see what we see. The movie start with Tom Hanks as Joe walking from the parking lot into work. The path is a long jagged path. The path is also the work emblem. Someone breaks Joe’s wall in his apartment, and that pattern appears in the wall. The path the lightening takes to sink his boat is that path! Illuminated and bright and in your face. The path up the volcano is that path. It is practically impossible to unpack all the metaphors in this movie- it is that rich, from the luggage he carries to Island Chief holding his doll, and the islanders loving their orange crush soda. You could spend years unpacking this. In doing so, you’re also unpacking you. I first saw this in the theatre. The Moon Scene was bigger than life and I still get chills from that one scene.
Find your moon scene. Engaging your mind in creative ways leads to health, because if you build enough healthy artifacts you give yourselves evidence that you are not just the worst things that ever happened to you. In changing your focus, you change your clarity.