4. Lie to Yourself
This ties in perfectly with the last section about everything not being about you. What we're trying to do is practice some empathy. Not only will our life be a lot smoother when we decrease our anger, but it'll make people want to be around us more and help us have better relationships. I was amazed at how likable I became when I wasn't thinking about myself 24/7.
You might be wondering what I mean by lying to yourself. It's not complicated though. Lie to yourself because it will help your anger.
Let me give you an example of how I manage my road rage. Whenever someone cuts me off or is driving like an idiot, in order to keep my cool by not chasing them down and running them off the road or following them home, I lie to myself. Each time someone is driving like an asshole, I tell myself things like, "Maybe that guy just got the call that his wife went into labor and he has to rush to meet her at the hospital" or "Maybe that woman is a single widow with 5 children and had to do that because if she's late one more time she'll get fired and won't be able to support her family." This may sound silly, but it works.
The other benefit of lying to yourself is that most of the time something really is going on with that other person. You never know if the stranger who was rude to you just found out this morning that their father has a terminal illness. You never know if that person who said something sassy to you just found out that their spouse if filing for divorce. By lying to yourself and making up a story, you'll begin to think more about how you can help people and be there for them rather than retaliating.
In the last section, I mentioned how I'd have clients get extremely mad at me, and I'd often ask, "Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?", and you'd be surprised that about 90% of them would say yes. By the end of the conversation, they'd apologize to me, thank me and give me a hug.
Homework: The next time someone pisses you off, ask them if they're alright and if they want to talk about it.
