Insidiousness
If you weren’t so familiar perhaps
I would fight harder to be rid of you
Closing the windows and locking the doors
you darken the hallways of my mind
Stronger than I and so persistent
you’ll be with me forever be to some degree
There are times I can ignore you
denying your very existence
Eventually something happens
and once again you block the light
I try to fight you but sometimes
it is easier to cope with the familiarity
Some days I just stew in your fog
the world a bad place, nothing to look forward to
Filling the crevasses of my mind
with cement blocking rational thought
I may not be able to push you away
there is just no resistance left in me
Thinking of something I can do rather
than bask in the bleakness of your shadow
It may be as simple as brushing my teeth or
listening to soothing water as I put dishes to soak
Having mastered a small task
some confidence returns
I try to defeat you by
doing something more challenging
I know I must eventually push myself
hard enough to leave the house
It takes so much energy to plan an outing
to shower, dress, assemble items needed
And to find the requisite courage
to pass through the doorway
Once outside for a few minutes
You generally retreat… for a while
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