CHAPTER 16
Screw Tooth Bill had finally reached the proper comfort level to invite Bob Miller over to his house for a meal. He did go through the effort of cleaning up the bathroom and kitchen but he surely had no intentions of showing off with Lobster. Instead he would surprise Dirty Bird with a home made stew and some fresh chuck wagon style coffee he had learned to make as a kid. The kind with egg yolk in it cooked over a camp fire. As the big crock pot stewed on the stove Bill couldn't help but give Bob a tour of his backyard. Bob was infatuated by the junkyard tour like a child in a candy shop. Broken air conditioners, antiquated computer modules, broken umbrellas, Screw Tooth Bill seemed to have it all.
The two circled the heaving piles of junk while the chuck wagon coffee brewed in Bill's fire pit. Bob was intently gazing at everything as if he was at the Philadelphia Art Museum.
"This stuff is amazing do you know that?" Commented Bob, "All of this cool shit is 100 percent off the grid."
Bill tugged on his whiskers. He couldn't get why piles of junk could get Bob all excited. There was still something that didn't add up with Bob. Something that Bill finally got up the nerve to ask.
"Can I ask you something Bob?"
"Sure Bill." He said while picking up a broken toaster and inspecting the insides of it.
"Been noticing that while you're clearly a big spender....I feel there's some hidden discipline inside of you that you go through great lengths to conceal....you by any chance spend any time in the service Dirty Bird?"
Bob dropped the toaster on the ground. "Dirty Bird?"
Bill realized he had slipped. Most of his friends usually just called him Bob or Uncle B.
"Oh I'm sorry just been hearing that knick name from a lot of people....it's your business....I don't particularly care how or who dubbed that name on you."
Bob picked the toaster back up from the ground. "No, no, it's okay....it just threw me off guard cuz usually it's the women that I catch calling me that.....kind of a long funny story behind it....but in answer to your previous question....yes I did many years ago spend time in the service...US ARMY....Infantry....still remember the chant each morning in the sandy parts of Georgia...Motivated Motivated Hell Yeah Motivated...Ooh Ahhh...Oohhh...Ahhhhh...I wanna kill some body....Ooh...Aahh...I wanna kill somebody......sooooooooooooooonnn!"
They both chuckled while they pranced around the back yard. Bill plopped a big firm hand on Dirty Bird's shoulder. "Four years in the Marines Bob....we used to beat you guys up in the bars all the time."
Dirty Bird chuckled. He had a cute little story he had just been waiting to share with a guy like Bill. "Ya know I was only 20 when I went in Bill but I remember everything clear as day."
Bill lit a cigarette knowing this story might drone a bit. "Go on."
Bob tried to regress the best he could. He took in a deep breath.
"Well it kind of went like this Bill....the story of my military experience started within my first hour off the bus."
"Oh yeah? How so?"
"Drill sergeant was trying to quote on quote "read" us the moment we got off the bus....debating how many of us would actually get through the first few weeks....a judge mental one was he but he went to far when he threw his words into it."
"Words?" Said Bill while exhaling some smoke. He offered Bob one earlier but Bob was not a smoker.
"Yeah words." Said Bob, "Drill Seargent looked at all of us and said the military had always taught him that if it "looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck then it's a duck."
Bill just chuckled. "Heard that one before."
Bob got excited. "So ya know what I did?" He said enthusiastically.
Bill put a hand back on the shoulder while inhaling once again while awaiting his reply. "What'd ya do Bobby Boy?"
"I immediately started flapping my arms and did the duck walk while quacking like a retard. Right in front of the entire platoon. The drill sergeant was caught off guard. It was so funny...you should have seen the look on his face...priceless."
Bill chuckled....even Bill didn't know where Dirty Bird was going with this. "Did he say anything to you."
Bob chuckled. "You bet he did...He said private what the fuck do you think you're doing."
"Then what?" Asked Bill.
"I looked up at the big black man that I knew could crush me in half and smiled at him....flapped my arms a few more times and replied "I'm duck hunting drill sergeant..just duck hunting."
And with that Bob ripped off his button down shirt revealing a white wife beater shirt that could barely hold in all of Dirty Bird's sinewy muscles. Bob made sure Bill could see the cartoon image on the front of the shirt.
Bill burst out with laughter when he recognized Wild E Cayote the cartoon wolf. He had an entire cut out sheepskin he was hiding under while trying to sneak up on a herd of unsuspecting sheep.
As Bill continued to chuckle Bob had time to fish around for some finishing touches to his allegory.
"The world is full of nothing but wolves and sheep Bill. I know that you're old enough to know that. I'm just trying to even the score a little that's all."
Bill got straight to the point as he could clearly tell something was wrong with Bob. "What is it that you're hiding Bob? I can clearly sense something."
Bob tugged on the long black wire to the toaster. "I control the entire Island at all times Bill''.....he continued tugging on the black wire until Bill's gaze was on the wire. ''I could turn this toaster on and off at any time I so desire while far far away....ever heard of funny wire? It's easy to hide electronics these days right underneath the plastic casing of even the thinnest wire.....I'm inviting more than the Fuglies to my Island Bill.....I'm inviting the wolves and I intend to play many, many, mind games with the wolves until they beg for mercy. I'm the Big Bad Wolf Bill, but I'm afraid that I get no satisfaction with hunting sheep....I'm hunting my own kind."