RECESS TIME
So many things began happening during the twenty minute recess that Dirty Bird never saw coming. Sudden twists in emotions of the Wolves, plea bargain offers, and cameras EVERYWHERE as they exited the courtroom for a recess. But the weirdest thing of all happening? Amber and Speedy. Bob had no idea that Amber and Speedy were now siding with him and looking to pull strings to get all the charges and accusations completely dismissed. In fact Amber and Speedy somehow managed to get all the wolves in the parking lot for what Amber referred to as a "Speedy" meeting. Amber did most of the talking while Officer Piker stood by her side and looked all cutsie whoo-hootsie in his freshly ironed uniform.
She too waved her hands all Italian like when she talked.
"Speedy and I have decided that we ourselves are not pressing charges. If truth be told despite getting trapped in a Ferris wheel we did in fact have the time of our lives....I mean I know a lot of you hate Bob but you just don't completely understand his history like I do. Anyway you look at it he still did spend a lot of money on us. I think we all need to just let this thing go and put it all behind us."
But Melissa Hunt didn't seem to agree. "We are all at a loss of time not to mention a lot of patience. We're going to get SOMETHING out of this I assure you."
But Amber continued to defend Dirty Bird. "But don't any of you understand? Look how relieved we all were when we finally made it home. Bob has successfully proved us all wrong that this country couldn't in fact function properly if we were all successful." She then pointed to the former Judge in the back. "Did you not once state that you wished they could put all the smart people on one island and all the stupid people on the other? Who will pickup the trash? Who will fix the plumbing? Who will flip the burgers? Did you all do all those years of schooling to wipe somebody's butt in an old folks home? Abraham Lincoln once quoted that ALL men are created equal. I think that was the crux of Dirty Bird's grand scheme."
The Tenacious wolves held their heads down in shame. If truth be told the offerings they put in the plate at the church each week were faux. They were simply returning the money that they stole from the Fuglies that put a fur coat on them every year.
But Attorney Melissa Hunt wouldn't give up. She still was drowning in former student loans and would NEVER pass up an opportunity to pick somebody else's pockets. She placed her hands on her hips like a really upset soccer mom.
"Fine then! We'll drop the kidnapping charges but were pushing the envelope on the false advertising charges and suing the feathers off that bird! I say were entitled to all that Dirty Bird's money!"
Cheers erupted as the already well-heeled Tenacious wolves considered the thought of even MORE money as if they didn't already have enough with their six figure incomes. As if their $450,000 houses with three garage doors were still short of the American dream.
Even more support for Dirty Bird had manifested it's way into the court room by the time Bob Miller returned with his attorney Evan Rogers from the 20 minute recess. Bob looked completely unhinged as if the reality of all the millions he had spent orchestrating the Rise Of The Fuglies television show was now sinking in. But now the very ignorant people he had tried to stop were after HIS money!
More crimson red shirts and jerseys made their way into the courtroom as people were convinced today's outcome would be discussed on public television for quite some time. So many people had so many mixed feelings about Dirty Bird it was nearly impossible to discern who in reality was really his friend. Bob couldn't help but notice the t-shirt worn by one of the Fuglies who had left his jersey in the wash. Danny Frey was in fact wearing a shirt with the front advertising the Rock Band "Chevelle" along with the lyrics "Seeing Red again". Bob Miller knew the lyrics to that song all too well. He remembered Danny that worked at the car wash hoping to score a few extra bucks to pay for many accumulated D.U.I.s. Dirty Bird made a point of waving to Danny before he sat down.
Bob whispered over to his attorney before Miss Sox began her pithy preamble in which NOBODY felt was necessary.
"I'm just gonna daydream through the rest of all this and let you do your thing in which I PAY you to do." Whispered Bob into Evan's ear.
And that's just what Bob Miller Did. It was evident that this was not Bob Miller's first rodeo in a Federal Courtroom. Evan carried himself very well as Miss Sox did her best to persuade the judge with her prettiness. But her prettiness was no match for Evan's $69,000.00 cardigan red sweater that Judge Kolp just couldn't keep his eyes off of. Mr.Rogers red sweater just seemed to put the judge in the most comfortable mood one could possibly imagine. And that's when it finally happened. The pamphlet. The coup de grace so to speak. The prosecutor was now proudly waving the brochure Dirty Bird had mailed to the Tenacious Wolves in the first place.
"Your honor! Everything here is in black and white! This clearly is false advertising and indelible proof that...." She somehow got lost and twisted with her words. "That....that that Dirty Bird sitting right over there purposely concocted this entire scheme and that's why we are entitled to confiscate whatever powerball winnings Mr.Miller...." She then opted to use his birth name, "Or should I say John Bobo the clown over there still have left!"
Outbursts erupted from the courtroom as the Fuglies booed Miss Sox's request for Mr.Miller to relinquish his powerball winnings. The Federal judge stretched his old wrinkly arm out towards the prosecutor.
"Miss Sox please...may I take a look at that?"
"Sure your honor." She said proudly handing the judge the pamphlet for Miller Island.
The judge looked it over and began to chuckle. "It looks like pretty good times over at your island Mr.Miller....looks like your own little tropical vegas."
Dirty Bird smiled at the judges comment. "It is your honor...it was good times for all of us...I don't know why some of my vacationing friends are so upset with the good times I have provided for them...I'm heart broken."
That really made the judge chuckle. He looked over the pamphlet a little bit longer. "You see the problem I see here Mr.Miller is that I don't see anywhere in here about erupting volcanoes, funny money coming out of the ATM machines, and all major appliances going on the fritz."
Bob Miller adjusted his shirt. It was now or never. Evan had done his job and gotten Judge Kolp in a good mood and now it was time for the Bird Man to pull a rabbit out of his hat and defend himself. It was Dirty Bird time.....Time to fight dirty in this court room.
Bob Miller slowly looked up at the judge seated way up high in his chair. Bob was now gleaming from ear to ear. He knew this moment would eventually come.
"Does the law not come down to what is in black and white your honor?"
The judge nodded his head. "Indeed it does Mr.Miller."
Dirty Bird held out the palm of his right hand but there was nothing in it for the judge to see.
"Would you believe me your honor if I told you I was the only one in this courtroom that was actually holding a tangible Bible in my right hand like the law has always required us to do in the past during getting sworn in?"
Judge Kolp was completely lost. "I saw no Bibles today...where is it?" He demanded.
Dirty Bird kept the palm of his hand out for the judge to see.
"Right here your honor!"
Judge Kolp was now getting frustrated. "Huh? I see nothing in your hand! Is this some sort of a trick? Bring your hand over here at once." Demanded the judge.
Bob Calmly walked over towards the judge while still holding out the palm of his right hand. But the judge was still confused. He had no problems grasping onto Bob's hand and sticking Bob's palm right underneath his nose so he could make an idiot out of Bob for being so dumb.
"All I see is what looks like a buggar you probably picked out of your nose sitting on the palm of your hand."
Dirty Bird remained calm. He knew all too well that evidently the judge didn't know EVERYTHING there was to know. "No buggar your honor. What you're looking at is the world's smallest Bible...it's size almost as small as a grain as salt. Technically it's called a nano Bible. Believe it or not your honor all 1.2 million letters of the Bible have been engraved onto this tiny chip with an ion beam and this entire Bible resting onto my finger tip can actually be read with a microscope magnified 10,000 times. You can google it if you don't believe me."
Judge Kolp pushed Bob's hand away. "No I do believe you but where are you going with this? What does this have to do with this pamphlet I am holding?"
And that's when Dirty Bird knew he could finally gloat in his glory.
"So then we agree that the laws do come down to what is in black and white yes?"
"Yes" Agreed the Judge
"Did you read the fine print?"
The courtroom bursted out with laughter. It put the judge quickly back into a good mood. Miss Sox had no choice but to place her hands on top of her head in defeat. Judge Kolp began chuckling as he finally put the pieces together.
"Okay I get it now Bird Man....looks like you gave these alphabet people a good taste of their own medicine....you can keep your dirty gambling winnings....I've heard enough for one day.....CASE DISMISSED!"
He slammed down the gavel while still cracking up from the humor of the case in its entirety. The Fuglies cheered for Bob's big win and circled around him to shake his hand. It was the first time Screw Tooth Bill had worn a suit in many years. Screw Tooth Bill approached Bob and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
"Come on Bob....you can come over to my place for dinner....one of your Fuglies is coming over to share a book he has written hoping you can help endorse it."
Bob smiled getting all excited over a newly written story by one of his Fuglies.
"Is it the book about a boy that builds a time machine out of junk yard materials to go back in time and stop Susan B. Anthony?"
Bill scrunched up his eyebrows. "Yeah how did you know?" "Already purchased and read it Bill....already purchased and read it."