EPILOGUE
(The Bird Is Still The Word)
The color red permeated the Federal Courtroom which was teasing the mind of 76 year old Judge Kolp. In all of his years on the bench he had never witnessed a courtroom quite as full as this glorious Monday morning. But why were all the courtroom witnesses clad in crimson red? But the strangest observation of them all? Dirty Bird's privately hired attorney Mr.Evan Rogers. Looking ever so spruce in his red knitted cardigan, he had no doubts that the authentic sweater once actually belonging to Fred Rogers would keep the judge gravitating towards his opinion. In fact Bob Miller had insisted that Evan don the $69,000 red cardigan sweater that took Bob nearly a year of pestering before the Smithsonian Institution museum finally agreed to sell it because of Bob's big offer right in the midst of a seedy economy.
It was not the first time Bob had substantially overpaid for memorabilia either. He was duly noted for often paying thousands for artwork done by first graders. And why? Bob believed that it would encourage them to never give up on their work not to mention Bob had no children of his own. Because 448 U.S. 555 clearly states that all members of the public are allowed to attend court hearings the Feds knew it would be a good idea to separate the Tenacious Wolves from The Rising Fuglies. It was a packed courtroom but ironically the Fuglies had outnumbered the Tenacious Wolves. As it turns out, the majority of the government employees that Bob had left on the Island still lived in fear of the X-Files. How Bob had gotten those dirty files nobody knew but very few of the Wolves had shown up to testify about their vacation from HELL as Bob clearly had no qualms releasing their intentional ignorances to the public.
The Federal courtroom was a bit too imposing for Alice to be able to stomach sitting way up in the front row. It was in fact a spectacular courtroom but she felt a bit too intimidated by all the attention Dirty Bird's hearing was accumulating by the minute. Her friend from Wendy's Leah had insisted on tagging along to show their support for Bob Miller's most "unusual case". Alice had insisted on not wearing her own personal jersey but rather Bob Miller's #55 DIRTY BIRD jersey.
Nobody had ever told Alice that the last winning shot she had shot during the basketball game was fixed. They doubted she ever played sports much and really didn't want to rain on her parade by letting her find out the Rising Fuglies "Big Win" wasn't real.
Alice couldn't help but lean over on the wooden bench and whisper to Leah.
"Hey I just thought of something funny....You know like the cartoon artist dude that's gonna make his caricature later might have fun with this one."
Leah broke a smile. "Yeah...can't wait to see the cartoon sketches on the evening news...bet they paint some feathers on Bob and give him wings."
Alice chuckled. "I think you mean John Bobo...do you think the court will reveal that Bob was actually born Bobo the clown? Ya sure don't see many clowns anymore these days."
The girls stopped whispering to listen to what Bob's attorney had to argue. Evan had dropped quite a number of pounds and it was difficult to discern Evan Rogers from the REAL Mister Rogers who used to be a big hit on the learning channel.
$69,000 for a red sweater actually worn by Mister Rogers?
Who buys something like that? Evidently Bob Miller does.
Evan calmly strided his steps from side to side to keep the courtroom's attention as he spoke. Dirty Bird had even suggested throwing in a few "Trump" moves and waving his hands all Italian like as he spoke so the courts would feel convinced he was confident about his opinions which is what the listeners always liked.
"Your honor my client's sole intentions were completely harmless.....these people well....they practically kidnapped themselves.....nobody.... and I accentuate NOBODY coerced these crooked wolves onto the Pterodactyl....this was nothing more than an extravagant all expense paid vacation that had mysteriously become slightly skewed your honor!"
Prosecutor Pamela Sox sprung up from her seat. She had been nominated to represent the Tenacious Wolves because of her winning record. And yes, also because of her beauty.
"Slightly skewed?" Hissed Pamela holding up a huge pile of white 8 1/2" X 11" papers. "Just look at all of these bills piled up that my clients had to deal with when they finally returned home because....." She pointed her freshly pink polished finger nail towards Dirty Bird. "That man right over there kidnapped my clients and purposely left them on an Island that purportedly had a volcano about to erupt in which he KNEW about your honor!"
76 year old Judge Kolp knew there was just no possible way he was going to get through this proceeding without cracking many, many smiles. Just because he was old and two years away from retirement didn't mean he could always quell his sense of humor. Mister Rogers, Robin Hood, and a bunch of Fuglies dressed up in basketball jerseys with Dinosaurs? What was up with the younger people these days? Judge Kolp surely didn't know but he was definitely for sure intrigued by Dirty Bird. In all of his years on the bench NOBODY had ever put on a show quite like this. Evidently Bob Miller had made some interesting friends over the years with many, many quirks. Judge Kolp hammered at the gavel to silence the confusion brewing in the courtroom.
"Okay point taken Mr.Rogers...now can you please tell me....what exactly are these "X-Files" that seems to have all my people in a tizzy....love the sweater by the way."
Evan smiled and held up the big Manila folder. "Your honor as I mentioned in my report...my client could be described as a gentle giant....He has made it his life's mission to publicly expose all the ignorances that your people have bestowed upon what he considers FINE UNDERLINGS GIVING LOVE YEAR-ROUND or FUGLIES for short."
Judge Kolp continued to pry. "So these X-Files so to speak...are somehow related to my people's ignorances? What ignorances?"
"Mostly negligence your honor. Because we live in these technological times now where entire filing cabinets can all be fit into a piece of electronics literally the size of my thumb virtually nothing can get permanently deleted these days....the X-Files were basically a big recycling bin for all of crooked attorneys that got bad tastes in their mouths and didn't give a hoot with pushing the envelope for justice on behalf of the Fuglies."
As Robin Hood couldn't help but pretend to shoot imaginary arrows across the crowd Judge Kolp couldn't help but chuckle.
"What's with him? Why is he all dressed up like Robin Hood? And why does he keep shooting imaginary arrows at me every time you say something with a bit of merit to it? Is he one of those special Fuglies or whatever it is that you call those people?"
Evan smiled and adjusted his red sweater. "Don't mind him your honor he's always like that. Bob rescued him a few years back because he has much respect for him being prior service and all. He won't bother you."
"Well I hope not cuz I'd hate to place him in contempt of court being a personal fan of Robin Hood myself....was a shame with what happened with Robin Williams many years back if you remember."
Evan nodded his head. Everyone remembered the comedian actor Robin Williams. People were traumatized after learning of his demise.
Evan continued to pinch his index finger into his thumb as if trying to have his hand gesticulations become congruent with the words coming out of his mouth. He eventually placed both his hands together as if getting ready for a prayer.
"We implore heavily at this time your honor....My client Mr.Miller you see is going through some troubling times....He has been fighting ignorance all of his life going all the way back to his elementary days when the school kids would all hold hands forming a line and chase him off the school property at recess time just for being strange. When the school officials finally located him hiding from the bullies they forced him to stand in the corner for leaving school property...We implore your honor...can we take a respectable recess before Miss Sox over here gets all gung-HO with ruffling my client's feathers your honor?"
The look on Bob Miller's face was priceless. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Judge Kolp hadn't been humored like this in years. Basketball jerseys, Dirty Birds, and prehistoric dinosaurs....How did Bob Miller find the free time to come up with this? Judge Kolp buried his hands in his face momentarily to stifle his laughter. He chuckled a few times then took a hard look at the Tenacious Wolves not so much as cracking a smile. They were all out for blood today.
"Okay I think that sounds like a good idea....Don't you Miss Sox?"
She nodded but showed no acknowledgement of anything "funny" in the courts today. Leah on the other hand was still cracking up picturing a muscular guy like Dirty Bird getting chased off the school grounds by some little kids. Alice was seeing some humor in it too.
"Okay folks were going to recess for twenty minutes." He looked at all of his government employees as he smirked, "And I don't want any of you what they call Tenacious Wolves chasing this Dirty Bird around in my parking lot you hear? Be back in twenty minutes."