I witnessed a mother on a crowded bus who had two small boys. The youngest was in nappies
and on her lap while the other child was more comfortable in a seat further away from his
mother. It was my understanding that the youngest was tired and she was trying to get him to
rest on her and hopefully go to sleep. The reason I believe this is twofold. Firstly he was
playing up by wriggling around and screaming as well as telling the mother off. Secondly she
was constantly asking him to lie down. The annoying part was not the boy, it was hearing her
tell him to lie down more than twenty times, I counted. It was obvious that he was not
listening, but I believe this woman feels powerless to make them listen. She has grown up
feeling unappreciated and unimportant.
It’s the mothers right to stand up for herself when a male child is being abusive, no matter
what age and these two boys of her were being disrespectful and abusive. If the mother does
not smack the boy, or somehow force him to behave, he will grow up disrespecting all
women. In this case the mother could have held the boy to her body to prevent him from
squirming around, but being on the bus is a bit intimidating with so many people watching.
It is the mother’s role to teach her boys how to treat women plus it is easier for the woman
while the child is still young. This mothers problems are only going to grow unless she stands
up for herself and soon. Otherwise I dread the thought when her boys become teenagers.
So what does the future hold for the children of the Smith family when their mother has no
accountability, won’t discipline her boy, and has a selfish victim mentality?
Child molesting take many forms. All in all, these children are missing out on part of their
childhood. Let’s rephrase the word molesting. It also means, interfere with, mistreat, abuse,
restrict, inhibit and hold back. Molesting is not just being sexually abused; however I believe
that to be the worst form of the crime. These other phrases are not criminal, yet they are
destructive to the child and are the foundation for sexual abuse to occur.
The problem with abuse is that it does not just affect one part of a person’s life; it affects
every area of it. All our decisions will revolve around our abusive nature, which means we
can’t hide our victim mentality, even if we wanted to.
As I witness each of the four children become old enough to apply their own opinion, they
one by one are developing an unhealthy relationship with their mother. The effects of a
grudge is slowly rearing its ugly head with the judgemental comments and criticism of her.
Most children believe they come from a happy home, but the problem is that we don’t have
another home to compare it with until we get older. In the meantime the damage can be set.
Anything that makes us unique, such as our opinions, can quite often be rejected by an
abuser. Being told that you don’t feel a certain way, such as anger when someone teases you
or that there is nothing wrong with you when you are sick, are two such examples. When
your privacy is disrespected such as people walking in on you in your bedroom or the
bathroom, is often part of the abuse. When your protests are unheard about you being
invaded, then you feel you are not your own person, you are not unique. It is as if your body
is not your own and you are only part of an abusive culture, suffering emotional starvation
from a family that is led by an abuser.
Meanwhile we haven’t learnt to establish healthy boundaries for ourselves and usually
respond to what requests family members put upon us as if we don’t have the choice to say
no. We are to often made to believe that we are powerless and therefore respond to our
abusers demands as if our own mind was numb.
The consequence of all of this is a child that is longing for affection, has no idea as to what
normal boundaries are, doesn’t know how to voice an opinion and has been taught that saying
‘no’ is useless when any pressure is attached to a request. This mindset of ‘powerlessness’
leaves a child open to be preyed upon by a predator in almost any area.
My mother has the mindset of being powerless, so it’s my assumption that my Grandmother
was one such woman who controlled her children with abuse. Gran seemed so nice to me,
even as a small boy we seemed to get on well. As for my mother, there was always conflict,
right up to my grandmother’s death. We have photos of my mum and grandma together, and
mum would not let grandma touch her. To my mum, they were enemies; the resentment was
obvious, yet it was only destructive towards my mother.
I want to say this about my mother, as I feel it also applies to my grandmother, as well as Mrs
Smith, and that is as a mother, they control and belittle their girls. But the boys they treat
totally different. It’s almost as if the boys can’t do any wrong, which of course angers the
girls even more. Both myself and my oldest sister have discussed this issue with my mother
and found out from her that is also applied in my mother’s family. Boys were treated totally
different because they were the father’s responsibility to discipline. The women believed that
it was their role to only discipline the girls. Even when my sister was in her thirties, my
mother was still prepared to strike her daughter out of anger. Yet I have never heard my
mother raise her voice to me throughout my life of fifty-four years.
As for my grandad, he died when I was only eight, so I didn’t know him at all. I was told that
he used to sit on the front porch listening to the radio and whittle, which is making small
statues out of wood. I was also told he kept out of the family politics, which means he was
most likely a subservient male, like so many other men in my family, which brings me to my
next point.
~ 15 ~