Credibility is what makes you capable (in eyes of others) of delivering expectations and hence, worthy of investment by others to help you satisfy your Needs. We will explore the potential of two methods of satisfying the same.
Know-How – Individual theory of how the world works
The best way to convince someone that you have done something is by actually doing it!
Understanding how things work and making it happen builds people’s confidence in you to do things. Elaborating this by few examples; knowing how to hunt and by hunting well you build your Credibility to satisfy hunger, knowing how to build a house and by building a good one you build your Credibility to satisfy Need of protection, knowing how to teach people to gain Credibility and successfully doing that you gain Credibility to make people credible (Esteem Need).
Know-How about how the world works is developed by learning, experience, traditions and Operant conditioning. While we are exposed to various concepts (including this book), we also often come across many conflicting views. One has to be very careful in accepting anything they come across. Pragmatism* is the key to authentic Know-How. Often inconsistent understanding of the way things work leads to non-achievement of results and hence loss of Credibility. Blindly believing anything without any attempt to question practical applicability of a theory can be of great risk. It is always advisable to develop your Individual theories from credible sources.
*Pragmatism – character or conduct that emphasizes practicality; a philosophical movement or system having various forms, but generally stressing practical consequences as constituting the essential criterion in determining meaning, truth, or value.
Credibility Exchange
Going beyond Know-How and actually doing things an important part that plays role is Credibility Exchange. Let us understand that Credibility of a person is defined by capability to deliver and it by default is a comparative statement. Higher Credibility is achieved by either increasing yours or reducing other’s. To help you relate to it, we tend to respect those who respect us and we tend to insult those who insult us. Reducing other person’s Credibility (taking away Respect) is an ancient tool used by people, it often comes from those who have failed to develop their Credibility by Know-How (not knowing how things work and hence, failing to achieve something desired). As much important it is to give Respect (increase someone’s Credibility by praising in public or by various other means), it is equally important to understand how one attempts at reducing your Credibility (taking away your respect by insulting you). This no-way implies that you should engage in similar act, but understanding this is important as you know what is happening. Such loss of Respect usually leads to negative emotions (just like lack of any desired Need). An attempt should be made to build relationship keeping in mind steps mentioned above (section of Barter – way of life).
In an attempt to compare Love and Respect, one can state that Love is desire (Need) to have those special few relationships where ‘Credibility Exchange’ is very high and it caters to ‘All Needs’, however, Respect is desire (Need) to have many relationships where ‘Credibility Exchange’ is very high but with limited scope of catering to Credibility Need (gaining more Respect – Esteem Need).
While we understand the importance of Credibility we can certainly conclude that Relationship with any individual is defined purely by Credibility. Depending on the Needs involved in barter, the type of relationship is defined. Let us do a small exercise and fill the table below:
You will observe that relationships where more Needs are involved or Credibility Exchange is High, are usually very close and strong relationships. At the same time they are also vulnerable to extreme Emotions in case of not meeting expectations.
Defining yourself – your Individual Culture
Culture is commonly used term and before we begin discussing about it, we will understand what exactly it means. Culture is defined as the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent; the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group6. To elaborate, it is collection of Behaviour driven by few core Values. Any person’s actions or reactions to situations are driven by combination of 3 things; Need, Desire (Want that is considered valuable and effective to satisfy corresponding Need) and Individual theory of how to achieve what is Desired. Behaviour of a person (act) in various situations is usually repetitive. Collection of all such Behaviour defines a person, way of life or say Culture of a person, Individual Culture.
We will spend some time understanding difference between Need and Desire. We have been constantly discussing Need and how one’s Individual theory helps that person satisfy those Needs. We have also discussed and established that Wants are means of satisfying Needs and various Wants can satisfy the same Need. Which Want to focus on or say which Want is Desired to be achieved is defined in Individual theory of that person. What has been taught to achieve, what has been defined as ‘Respectful’ by those around that person becomes a part of what is Desired. Let us look at few examples:
Each Need has various levels; the complex hierarchy of Needs is not just shifting from Basic to Advanced, but also different levels with-in each Need. We will discuss that at length in sections ahead.
So coming back to Individual Culture, reiterating, it is collection of Behaviour of a person driven by Individual theory to achieve what is Desired. It is very crucial to understand Individual Culture of self and the person you are in relationship with. This understanding helps us built relationships using points mentioned in section above (Barter – way of life). Let us take a small exercise to practice our understanding of this. Fill the column below for 3 people close to you. Mention various Desires (Wants) of that person that satisfies corresponding Need. This will help you understand better how that person makes decisions subconsciously and what may be expected from you.
Individual Culture is what a person is, personality is. A person tends to do more of what has been working to achieve what is Desired. The tendency to be more of what you are is referred to as ‘Self Actualisation*’ in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs7.
*The term was later used by Abraham Maslow in his article, A Theory of Human Motivation, Maslow explicitly defines self-actualization to be "the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for him [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially
Every object, act, event, idea, thought, etc. has different connotative* meanings in different cultures, different emotions attached to same object, act, event, idea, thought, etc. This brings us to our discussion on understanding Emotions.
What we have till now has established the base to learn an important part of Human Decision Making, Emotions.
*Connotative - The set of associations implied by a word in addition to its literal meaning.