A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, “Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?” The photon says, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
What do scientists say when they go to the bar?
Climate change scientists: “Where’s the ice?”
Seismologists: “Shaken and not stirred.”
Microbiologists: “Just a small one.”
Scientists studying the defective gubernaculum: “Put mine in a highball.”
Social scientists: “I’d like something soft.”
An electron and a positron go into a bar.
Positron: “You’re round.”
Electron: “Are you sure?”
Positron: “I’m positive.”
Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they’re trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.
Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?
A: “You think you’re always right!”
Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: “Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.”
“Where are we then?”
“Do you see that mountain over there?”
“Yes.”
“Well… THAT’S where we are.”
Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, “Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal.”
Q: What do clouds do when they become rich?
A: They make it rain!
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating I was like, “O MG!”
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. “I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese.” Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. “I’ll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first.” Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. “What were those things, anyway?” he asks.
Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.
A neutrino walks into a bar … and keeps going!!
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!”
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.
The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”