-Track Ten-
The four gawped at each other looking dumbfounded. Steve put his phone on the table after the worrying conversation they’d had with Cosmo.
“What do we do?” asked Elvin.
“I don’t know,” said Steve and sighed. “It’s my fault for giving that idiot Kipper permission to represent us, and we gave the lying bastard 10 grand,” he growled.
Wayne shook his head and told him. “It’s not your fault, Buddy. We all heard Billy Bullshit and gave our permission.”
“None of us knew what Kipper would do. Cosmo said he has known him a long time, and it was not in his nature to do anything like this. He seemed a likeable lad,” said Elvin.
“Yeah, and Cosmo told us that he was as smart as a bag of rocks and although dependable, easily led astray. It sounded like this Billy Bullshit character manipulated him,” said Wayne, looking angry.
“Cosmo was right when he said that Billy Bullshit played him, he did us to,” said Elvin.
“Whatever happened, the fact remained that we are in trouble if we stay here,” said Charles.
“We can go back to England and explain everything,” said Elvin puckering his brow.
Wayne sat back, smiled, and said, “Yeah, why not?”
“Because,” said Steve, “If we go home and people find out their young pop idols are old farts and not a boy band, they will tear us limb from limb.”
“Steve’s right, they will target our families and the press will portray us as con men who duped a nation,” said Charles. “The BBC and Virgin record company will sue us and our families for millions.”
“But we never said we were young,” said Elvin.
“No,” said Steve, “but thanks to Kipper everybody thinks we are, and we said nothing at the time to the contrary. We treated it as a joke.” He scratched his head and continued. “It sounded like Billy Bullshit kept up the deceit.”
Looking sullen, Elvin nodded and said. “You’re right, I never fought of that. So what do we do?”
Steve’s phone rang; it was Lucy.
Steve spoke to Lucy and from his expression; the others knew she must sound anxious as Steve tried to calm her. He spoke with her for twenty minutes with the others gawking at him. He chuckled and joked, “I bet you never thought your old Dad would be famous.”
After finishing the call, he told the anxious trio. “Lucy said she was reading the Guardians headlines before Cosmo rang. She confirmed that we are the hottest thing to hit the music charts in decades and the focus of an international search and agreed that we should not go back yet. The good news is she would sort it out. I know my daughter and she is tenacious. The bad news is that the Guardian has also put a £50,000 bounty for finding us.”
“I bet all the tabloids do,” said Wayne.
“So what are we going to do?” asked Elvin again.
“I’ll call Kipper,” said Steve, fuming.
“But Cosmo told us Kipper had changed his phone number,” said Elvin.
Steve scowled. “Yeah, I forgot. I’ll call Billy Bullshit on the number I spoke with him on before,” he said.
Steve got through to the BBC and put on hold for what seemed like an eternity. The others were on tenterhooks until Billy Numan's secretary came on and told him that he was unavailable for the next few days but she would take a message. Steve asked the secretary to get Billy to call him back as soon as possible and told her it was urgent.
“Damn,” said Steve, and slammed the phone on the table. “They’re giving me the bloody run-around.”
His phone rang.
“Maybe not,” smiled Elvin.
“Hello,” said Steve, “Oh, hi Gus. Yeah, sorry we’re late, but we have a big problem at home.”
Elvin, Wayne, and Charles groaned.
Steve looked at his watch and said. “Yeah, okay, we are on our way.”
“Perhaps Gus could suggest something,” said Charles. “We still have a brief window of opportunity. It will take days before anyone can get here from the UK.”
They went to Freeway and rushed over to Gus.
“You’re late,” said Gus as a cheer went up from the waiting crowd.
They set up their equipment and played. Although they knew Charles was right, and it would be several days before anyone would get there, but thought that the newspapers could already have reporters in the area. They watched the door expecting a flood of journalists’ with flashing cameras to burst through the door at any moment.
Gus took them to his office during the break. He could see they looked worried and asked. “What’s wrong guys? You told me before that your problem in England was over.”
“We thought it was,” said Steve and told him about the latest developments and explained their quandary.
“We hoped you could suggest somfing, because we don’t know what to do,” said Elvin. “We can’t stay ‘ere and can’t go ‘ome until all this mess is sorted.”
Gus smiled while he listened. He found it amusing but could see by their worried expressions how afraid they were.
“So, you are a mysterious boy band of superstars with a bounty on your heads,” said Gus and chuckled.
“Yeah, I suppose we are,” said Steve and grinned.
A waitress came in with bottles of beer and the five sat around thinking.
Gus had an idea. However, it would mean losing the best entertainment that Freeway had seen for many years, but Steve was his friend, and he had grown fond of the other three.
“Okay,” said Gus. “I have a plan. You go entertain the crowd and leave everything to me. I will make some calls real quick and I will come and see you when I have organised something.”
The four worried geriatrics played to the bustling audience. Gus came out of his office, stood in front of them, put his thumbs up, and smiled.
They finished, Life is too short to be sad and rushed to Gus’s office.
“Okay guys,” said Gus. “I’ve spoken to Brian; you can play at his club until all this get sorted. He was arranging everything with his business partner.” Gus looked at the three who looked confused. “I assumed you wanted to perform, instead of just sitting around all night.”
“Yeah, but Subic Bay isn’t far, someone will soon find us,” said Steve.
Gus chuckled. “Not at Pier 1… at his other club, Sharkys, in Cambodia.”
The four looked at Gus and then each other.
“That’ll work.” said Steve, “Thanks, Gus.”
“I’ll drive you to the airport tomorrow evening. Your flight leaves early morning and you arrive in Cambodia at 6:00 am,” said Gus.
They breathed a sigh of relief, as this seemed an ideal solution until they could find out more about what was happening in the UK.
“Brian’s business partner Jerry will meet you in Cambodia. As a precaution change the band's name. I’ve bought your tickets and you can pick them up when you get to the airport,” said Gus.
They thanked Gus who saw the look of relief on the old men’s faces.
“I appreciate everything you’ve done, so cut your final set short and enjoy your last night in Angeles City. I’m gonna miss you.”
“Don’t worry mate, once they sort this mess out in England…” said Steve, and imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger, added. “ We’ll be back.”
“I hope you will buddy. I hope you all will.”
Fossils went on stage for their final set and settled into their performance. The stress of the past few hours hit the old rockers. Charles noticed Elvin and Wayne looking weary and realised that the three had had no sleep for over 24 hours. Charles felt okay until midway through singing the slow, melodic, Vulnerable.
Suddenly, the vocals and the keyboard went silent as Charles nodded off. The others continued to play. Steve, seeing Charles asleep, carried on with the lyric. “When your last kiss lasts a moment, we are vulnerable…”
The confused audience sniggered as Charles's head lolled back and forth. Elvin signalled for Wayne to look, as he had been unaware of any change in the music. He always turned his hearing-aid either down or off so he could feel the beat. Wayne, noticing Charles’s wobbly neck shuffle, dug one of his drumsticks hard into his side. Charles jolted awake and blinked wide-eyed at the audience. Regaining his faculties, he composed himself and continued with the song.
A disappointed crowd left Freeway after Gus told them it would be Fossils final gig for some time.
With everything packed away, Fossils prepared for what could be their last night out in the Philippines for a while.
Steve, Ogie, and Gus wanted to go to the Bluebottle, so Steve could say farewell to Captain Navarro and tell him what had happened. They invited the others along, but Elvin and Wayne had other plans for their last night, which made Steve smirk. ‘Those two dirty little old bollixes can’t get enough,’ he thought.
Charles felt embarrassed about falling asleep, so he said that he was going back to The Swagman. They tried to talk Charles into a farewell night of debauchery, but he was adamant, so they let him go his own way.
They left Freeway. Steve, Ogie, and Gus headed for the Bluebottle, Wayne and Elvin scurried off toward the Black Orchid, and Charles wandered in the opposite direction toward some tuk-tuks. He walked until the others disappeared out of view, then turned around and headed for Champagne. Revitalised by his power nap on stage, he decided that he had unfinished business.
Viagra free, Elvin and Wayne rushed into the Black Orchid. They grabbed their two smiling girls and like two Neanderthals, ushered the two girls up to the short-time rooms.
Charles went in Champagne not knowing what to expect or what to do now that he was there. Danni made a beeline for him and threw her arms around him. “Hi Charles. I'm happy to see you.”
Charles had planned to get angry with Danni and give her a piece of his mind, but after she greeted him so joyfully, his anger melted. He sat down, ordered them both a drink, and they chatted. They spoke for about 30 minutes, and then Charles, along with his adjusted attitude, paid the bar fine and the couple went to The Swagman.
Jenny was chatting with a customer when two disappointed girls came downstairs and interrupted her. They had been upstairs with Wayne and Elvin for over 90 minutes. The girls didn’t look happy as they told Jenny what had happened. Jenny smiled and went with the girls up to the grimy short-time rooms. She saw Elvin’s wrinkled old naked body lying on the bed as she entered one room. He was far away in the land of slumber. The little old fellow had showered, and while he waited for the girl to do the same, he had fallen fast asleep. Wayne’s girl related a similar tale and neither of them could wake the old snoozers. Jenny went along to a room where she saw Wayne laid on his side with drool dribbling down his cheek. His little hairy old Latino arse emitted noisy puffs of wind as he snored away contentedly. Under normal circumstances, Jenny would have woken them up and thrown them out. The short-time rooms made most of the bar's income and only used for a quick wham-bam-thank-you-mam. People could not sleep there, that was why they invented hotels. However, in this case, Jenny made an exception for the two old-timers and instructed the girls to stay with them until they awoke. She chuckled and went down to the bar.
Wayne slept for almost four hours and then went to wake Elvin. The old rockers, embarrassed, tentatively made their way downstairs. It was daybreak outside, but inside the bar, it was dark and dingy. The pair sat down at the now almost empty bar. Jenny felt tired, but she brought them over two beers and drinks for the girls. Elvin and Wayne apologised to the amused Jenny, who had seen this happen many times over the years. Wayne and Elvin paid their bill, said their farewells, and gave a generous tip.
They went outside into the bright early morning sunshine and caught a tuk-tuk to The Swagman.
Charles tried but failed to hump Danni. Without Viagra, his flaccid old sausage did what a 69-year-old todger should do, pee out of, and stir yoghurt. Charles gave up frustrated and stared at Danni's olive-skinned, unblemished body. Charles and Danni lay naked and entwined before falling asleep. They awoke around noon and Danni told him she had to go to work early. Charles, again besotted by her, said a tearful farewell and handed her 10,000 Pesos. He promised to call her from Cambodia and assured her he would return to the Philippines. Danni looked sad as she left Charles’s room, but her expression changed as she got into a tuk-tuk. She smiled and headed home to her Filipino husband with her extra bounty. Contented, Charles packed his belongings and went to join the others in the restaurant.
They chilled out for the rest of the day at The Swagman.
Steve called Lucy and Cosmo and told them what was happening. He said that he would give them another phone number when he got to Cambodia. Elvin and Charles called their families to let them know that they were moving on to Cambodia.
Gus and Ogie picked them up from The Swagman and drove to Manila early evening. Steve and Ogie went in Ogie’s car chatting about Steve’s snuff supply. They planned how Ogie would get any further consignments to him in Cambodia, assuming it was unavailable there.
“Maybe I have enough to last,” said Steve. “I don’t plan on being there long.”
Elvin, Wayne, and Charles went along with Gus, who pointed out more of the Philippines’ scenery and culture.
They arrived in Manila around 10:00 pm. Their flight wasn't due to leave for several hours, so after a short tour of the city, they headed for the Hobbit House.
The gang entered the large Hobbit House bar. Wayne, Charles, and Elvin were aghast but amused by the small size of everything, included the staff who were all vertically challenged with the tallest being around 4ft.
They sat down. Gus, Ogie, and Steve watched the bemused expressions of the newbies as they got their beers in small bottles, sat on small seats at small tables while being entertained by the house band of midget musicians and while they laughed and joked about the busy iconic bar, the little fellow who served them beers made them all gasp.
“That’s spooky!” Charles exclaimed. “He's a spitting image of you, Elvin.”
They all gazed at Elvin, who frowned and said, “He looks nuffing like me,” and looking closer, announced, “He looks like a gargoyle.”
“Yep, as Charlie said, a spitting image,” said Steve and chortled.
Elvin, perturbed by his friends teasing him about resembling an ugly stone statue, picked up his bottle of beer and took a swig, while the others giggled.
Ogie spoke to Sid the dwarf in Filipino. They tittered as Sid stared at his bigger, although not by much, doppelganger.
“I asked, and he hasn’t got a twin brother,” said Ogie, which made the others laugh louder.
Five amused men spent the next few minutes making Elvin the butt of their jokes. Sid laughed along and teased Elvin. After several minutes, thinking they'd exhausted miniature Elvin jokes, Sid leaned across their table. “I may be small, but I’m hung like a moose,” he said, and with a wry smile, waddled away and chatted to some pretty Filipinas.
Elvin looked grumpy for a few minutes but then joined in the laughter.
The few hours at the Hobbit House seemed to have flown by when Gus announced it was time they went to the airport. It was a silent drive to Manila International Airport. Elvin, Wayne, and Charles reflected upon the amazing things they had experienced in this heart-warming country. Steve and Ogie chatted like brothers as they drove. Steve had left his Filipino friend before when he had had to stay in the UK, but for some strange reason, they both felt foreboding as if this could be their final farewell.
They collected their tickets and checked their bags and musical equipment in at the departures section. Elvin, Charles, and Wayne thought that they may have panicked unnecessarily and had second thoughts about leaving. Steve, however, was more pessimistic, because from the conversations with Cosmo and Lucy, he felt convinced they would be found and hounded, and he did not want to risk his daughter’s reputation.
They did not realise how right Steve was, and how close they'd come until they were waiting in the lounge at Manila airport. They saw passengers arriving from a London flight. The disembarking passengers walked past Fossils testing and checking their photographic equipment. The four old men went unnoticed as news-hounds, photographers, and fans, wanting to find, photograph, and meet the phenoms,’ ambled through the airport.
Steve, Elvin, Charles, and Wayne, breathed a sigh of relief as the Boeing 747 took off and headed west towards their next destination, Cambodia.
BBC and Virgin's top executives, delighted with the success of the Billy Numan and Susan McHale collaboration, considered the two ambitious individuals for lucrative promotions. With successful futures guaranteed, Billy and Susan relished the adulation given to them, with figures from radio listeners tuning in sharply increased and sales from CD and downloads exceeding everyone’s expectations. Hope album sales had already surpassed Queens greatest hits; the best-selling UK album of all time and Kipper became an instant celebrity.
Several days after the launch of Hope, Kipper relaxed in his suite at the Hilton. He felt pleased, after earlier placing an order for an Aston Martin V12 Zagato. Pouring himself a glass of champagne, he watched T.V. and wondered what high-end nightclub or function Billy had organised for him to attend later. ‘I wonder which celebrity I will rub shoulders with tonight.’ he thought and lounged back into a plush sofa. He picked up the TV remote and flicked to a movie channel showing the movie, ‘Catch Me if You Can,’ starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Kipper became engrossed in the movie about an infamous American fraudster. However, the more he watched, the more he considered that he was committing a similar crime. His thoughts now troubled him, but he could not think of any way out of his current dilemma. He wanted to call Cosmo to get advice but realised he would probably hate him now. With remorse and fear playing on his mind, he drank the champagne and went out.