As the time drew closer for the children’s three-legged and potato sack events, Bart and Mitch climbed into the caller’s box. Before them were two pairs of binoculars attached to tripods.
“It’s pretty dark out there,” Mitch said; he had his eyes pressed against the binoculars, watching the black clouds creeping across the sky. “If that storm hits, it’ll cause some damage… do you think we should call it off?”
“She’ll be right,” Bart assured him, “The storms are slow moving out here, we’ll be finished with time to spare,”
The events ran smoothly throughout the day, until a sudden wind gust hit the children racing in their emu costumes, and crowd with force. It had everyone in hysterics, as the kids struggled to stay on the track, women’s dresses lifted, and men’s hats flew through the blustery sky like out of control Frisbees.
“If this wind keeps up we’ll have a flying emu race,” Mitch chuckled.
With the men’s race about to start, the competitors stood near the gate waiting to enter the track. Spectators were chuckling at Julio, who after a lot of wriggling and grunting, had finally squeezed into his costume. He trotted about looking bizarre in his red and yellow starred jockey silks, with the black booted legs flapping at the side of the costume. He held tight to the reins as the head of the emu bobbed about in front.
After showcasing his riding skills, he pulled himself to a halt and boomed, “Are there any challengers?”
Jordie, who wore a purple and pink jockey shirt trotted over, gave him a shove, and yelled, “I’m up for it,”
Julio returned the shove slightly harder. Jordie stumbled, but a quick pull of the reins steadied him. They both forced a cheesy grin as they continued to banter about who would win the race.
There were another eight competitors, including two potbellied men, who at the insistence of their wives decided they’d give it a shot.
Danny & Manny entered dressed in matching orange and black dotted jockey silks. They jigged about, cluck, cluck, clucking doing a bizarre impersonation of the chicken dance.
Jessie & Tessie, wearing yellow mini dresses and lime green tights, deciding it looked like fun, raced over and joined in.
The crowd chuckled at their antics. All waiting in anticipation of what they hoped would be an exciting, and by the looks of these two, comical race.
The competitors moved onto the track; their oversized rubber feet making it difficult to walk as they made their way to the starting line. When they passed a hurdle, which stood about 60cm high, Jordie nudged Julio, “Ya reckon you can get over that?”
Julio gave a grunt and glared at Jordie; thinking he’d show zee whipper snipper a thing or two about racing.
When the would-be champions lined up, the kids bustled their way to the fence and grabbed the best spot to enjoy the show. They loved watching the men make boobs of themselves, and they didn’t want to miss it.
In the calling box Bart had decided he would let Mitch call the race.
“The runners are at the starting line...” Mitch called, “their tail feathers are shivering...,” Bart chuckled at that and sent him a wink. “The starter is on his stand... and they’re off,”
The race began with a bang, as lightning cracked and far off thunder rumbled.
Jordie found the first few metres tough, in his attempts to run in the oversized feet, and fend off Julio who continuously elbowed him.
In the stand, Kristy nudged May-lee, “Your two beaus are very competitive,” she laughed.
May-lee grinned; then yippeed when Jordie hip jutted Julio to one side, and leapt over the first hurdle.
Undeterred, Julio regained his footing, scaled the hurdle somewhat awkwardly, and charged on.
Jordie bolted further ahead and Julio knew he would have to push himself if he were to catch him. As they neared the second hurdle, dark clouds passed over, lightning flashed, and thunder roared. It was a rigorous and unrelenting hammering, followed by a downpour of driving rain; belting so hard it stung.
Some of the crowd bolted and weaved their way to the nearest shelter; optimistically believing that by zigg zagging they could dodge the stinging rain. Others braved the weather to cheer the competitors on. The dusty track became a bog hole making the contestants work harder than they would have liked. They slipped along, attempting to stay upright and balanced, but multitasking in heavy going wasn’t high on their list of talents. The potbellied men fell to their knees; they slid for a few metres then plonked face first into the mud. Others toppled over as they attempted to jump a hurdle, and the crowd were in hysterics at their rib-tickling antics.
Jordie found the going tough, but Julio reveled in the conditions, a good mud runner was Julio. As the rain beat down, the kids, not wanting to miss a good romp in the mud, jumped the fence. They slipped and slopped behind cheering, yahooing and slinging mud balls as they went.
Ahead of the kids, Danny & Manny had slowed, they were splattered with sludge, and laughing so hard they were struggling to continue.
“Bring in a bird dog, that might move them,” Mitch called.
Meanwhile, Jordie drew further ahead and Julio knew he’d have to work hard if he were to have any chance. He pushed his body to the max, and due to his determination, and Jordie slipping over, he drew level. They raced in an awkward slushing manner side by side toward the next hurdle. With the rain pounding, the wet feathers ruffling, they pushed their bodies to the limit; every muscle screaming for mercy.
As the last hurdle approached, Julio drew deep on his reserve energy. He powered on, one mushy stride after another. When the hurdle loomed, he and Jordie gave one last barge at each other and sprang. They soared over the crossbar, landed, Julio hip jutted Jordie to gain an advantage; Jordie grabbed Julio to stay upright. They slipped toward the finish line, wrestling and clutching each other in a desperate attempt to avoid plummeting to the ground. As their speed increased, they parted and performed rapid-fired quick-steps to maintain their footing. Then clutching each other’s hand to stay balanced they hit the finish line, slid side by side for a few metres, before coming to a sluggish and exhausting halt.
The crowd were ecstatic, all believing they had just witnessed the greatest enactment of an emu waltz ever performed.
In the calling box, Bart and Mitch were gob smacked. “It’s a dead heat... not a bird’s beak in it,” both roared.
On the top seats of the grandstand, Kristy and May-lee, stunned by the performance joined the applause.
Julio and Jordie, drained by their mammoth effort turned to face the cheering crowd. They gave a ‘nothin to it’ shrug, smiled a muddied smile and took a bow.
When the applause and praises of, ‘that was the greatest race ever,’ subsided; Jordie, caught in a moment of excitement high-stepped over to the hotels veranda. He raced to the DJ’s keyboard and hit the scanner button. When a fitting song came up he turned toward the crowd.
“Is everybody happy?” he yelled.
“Yeeaah!” everyone boomed.
“Who feels like getting dirty?” he thundered and there was a roar of laughter.
He pressed the button, the music blared out, and off he went into a rip-roaring rock n roll tune. The rain had eased but the crowd had revved up. And as Jordie ripped out the lyrics, May-lee and Kristy dashed onto the dance floor and broke into a frenzied jive; their wet summer dresses clinging to them like static electricity. And as the music blared and distant thunder cracked every man woman and child, emu danced... until the break of dawn.