It was later that evening and Carter had another uneventful day investigating his cases.
He was back in his apartment and looked lonely while he waited by his microwave in his kitchenette.
After a few minutes, the microwave dinged and Carter removed his chicken dinner.
Carter walked over to his lazy boy chair and sat down. He started eating his fried chicken while he watched the news channel.
On the TV: Bob Biff was a thirty year old news reporter behind the Channel 200 News Station desk.
“Hello, I'm Bob Biff of channel two hundred news, and now here’s the national news. Today, Senators Dan Dewey, Chuck Cheatham and Hank Howe of California,” he said while pictures of the three Senators appeared on the screen behind Bob with their names. “Introduced a new bill before Congress to raise income taxes by one percent. A thirty million dollar grant was also concluded in this bill, which will fix all the social security issues and make medical insurance affordable to every American. This is called the Dewey, Cheatham and Howe bill,” Bob Biff told the TV news audience.
Carter flicked some mashed potatoes at the TV from his fork. The mashed potatoes plopped on the TV screen and covered Senator Cheatham’s face. “Crooks! You’re all nothing but crooks!” Carter yelled at the TV then he grabbed his remote.
Carter changed the channel and stopped on an old 1968 Hawaii Five-O rerun episode.
The mashed potatoes slid down the TV screen and plopped on the floor.
Carter shrugged off the potatoes on the floor while he got interested in the Hawaii Five-O show.
Meanwhile, in Bel-Air, there was a mansion that resembled the Dallas Ewing Southfork ranch with a beautiful landscaped front yard and gardens in the back. This mansion belonged to Senator Chuck Cheatham the Senator from California.
In the den of the mansion, Senator Cheatham, sixty years old, sat in his expensive Italian couch with Senator Dan Dewey, sixty years old, and Hank Howe also sixty years old.
All three Senators were classmates at Harvard and remained close buddies. They were lower income folks when they were first elected but after working on Capitol Hill for years, they were all now filthy rich.
The den was paneled with mahogany wood where original Claude Money, Pablo Picasso, and Vincent Van Gogh paintings hung with their own individual lights.
The three Senators just finished their pheasant under glass dinners and were now drinking Camus Cuvee 3.128 Cognac and puffed on Cuban cigars while they sat on the couch. Mozart music filled the room from the stereo.
“As we were discussing, this bill will pass with flying colors,” Senator Cheatham told his buds.
“Of course! No one can refuse a one percent tax revenue divided amongst all the Senators and members of the House,” Senator Dewey responded then sipped some of his Cognac.
“And when social security starts having more financial shortfalls,” Senator Howie called out.
“We raise taxes up another one percent!” Senators Cheatham and Dewey yelled in unison.
Dewey, Cheatham and Howe raised their Cognac glasses in a toast. They sipped their Cognac. The Senators then laughed a greedy laugh while they puffed on their Cuban cigars.
Over by the doorway to the den, Alvin Bentley was a seventy-two year old white haired butler who always wore a tuxedo.
Alvin heard the entire conservation and was disgusted. In fact, he’s heard all Senator Cheatham’s dastardly deeds during the past thirty years.
But tonight’s discussion was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Alvin slipped out of the doorway to the den and rushed down the hallway.
Alvin rushed down the hallway where he quietly slipped into Senator Cheatham’s office.
Senator Cheatham’s office was filled with the same expensive mahogany paneling like his den. But his office had tons of pictures with Senator Cheatham with various Presidents and famous movie stars.
On one wall was a floor to ceiling bookcase filled with books and other expensive knickknacks.
Alvin rushed over to the desk where an iMac sat on top.
He sat down and saw the “Absolute Dumbass Guide to Government Corruption” book near the computer with a bookmark in the middle of the book.
Alvin turned on the iMac and it was up and running in seconds. He removed a memory stick from his tuxedo pocket and stuck it in one of the USB ports of the iMac.
Alvin navigated through iMac and found the “Corruption Evidence That Can Fry My Ass” folder. This was evidence that Senator Cheatham kept in case he got caught. The Senator figured he would take everybody down with him, as he was a coward. Alvin dragged the folder to the icon for the memory stick and it started copying all the files.
“Alvin! We need more Cognac!” Senator Cheatham yelled from the den.
Alvin jumped at the sound of the Senator’s voice and he got nervous. He looked at the iMac and saw that the copying of the files wasn’t complete.
“More Cognac!” Senator Cheatham yelled from the den.
Alvin got up from the desk and ran to the doorway. “I’m coming,” he yelled out down the hallway in a British accent.
Alvin ran back to the iMac and was relieved when the copying process was competed. He quickly ejected the memory stick from the iMac.
He heard footsteps coming down the hallway and got scared. “Where are you Alvin?”
He looked around the room and saw a four-inch ceramic Pink Panther on a shelf in the bookcase across the room.
The footsteps coming down the hallway got louder while Alvin ran over to the bookcase. He grabbed the Pink Panther and fumbled while he tried to remove the plastic cap on the bottom.
The footsteps of someone coming down the hallway got closer and louder. “Alvin!” Senator Cheatham yelled.
Alvin finally removed the plastic cap from the bottom of the Pink Panther and dropped the memory stick inside. He quickly reinstalled plastic cap on the Pink Panther and placed it back on the shelf.
Senator Cheatham walked into his office. “What are you doing?” he asked Alvin.
Alvin looked nervous while he opened up a bottom drawer on the bookcase and removed a bottle of Camus Cuvee 3.128 Cognac. “You wanted more Cognac, sir?” he said and held up the bottle.
“It took you long enough,” Senator Cheatham snapped at Alvin.
“Sorry sir,” Alvin replied then walked to the door and took a quick nervous glance back at the iMac. He saw the “Copy of File called Complete Corruption Evidence That Can Fry My Ass is Completed” message still on the computer screen.
What Alvin forgot was the small security camera installed up in the corner of the office.
Alvin sweated while he walked down the hallway with Senator Cheatham back to the den.
After Alvin opened up the new bottle and poured the Senators some more Cognac, he left the den.
Alvin snuck out one of the numerous rear doors of the mansion and rushed into the gardens.
He hid behind a bush with the mansion visible in the background. Alvin removed a cell phone from his Tuxedo and punched in a phone number.
“It’s Alvin. I stashed the evidence on the memory stick in a ceramic pink Panther,” he said into his cell phone.
“You rock Alvin!” news reporter Bob Biff from the Channel 200 News Station replied from Alvin’s cell phone.
“Okay. I'll quickly run back inside the mansion, grab it, then we can meet in thirty minutes,” Alvin said.
“Great! Meet me at Grauman’s Chinese theater,” Bob Biff replied.
“Do you have my new secret identity ready?” Alvin replied while he peeked over the bush and glanced at the mansion where he saw the Senators standing by the den windows drinking Cognac.
“I received it last night from my source,” Bob Biff replied.
“Alvin!” Senator Cheatham screamed from inside the den and it was heard outside.
“I gotta go,” Alvin quickly replied into his cell phone and shoved it in his tuxedo.
Alvin ran through the gardens and headed to the mansion.
Back in the mansion, Senators Cheatham, Dewey and Howe sat on the couch still sipping their Cognac while they took turns telling dirty ethnic jokes.
“Yes sir,” Alvin said the second he stepped into the den a little out of breath.
“Alvin, I want you to take us to our strip club,” Senator Cheatham ordered.
Alvin looked like he could die. “But I have a headache, sir,” he lied.
“Take some aspirin!” Senator Cheatham replied while he stood up with his Senator buddies.
Alvin reluctantly agreed and left the den with the three Senators that high-fived each other excited on seeing some naked ladies again.
The Senators followed a nervous Alvin through the mansion to the garage.
Alvin pulled out the white Hummer limousine with dark tinted windows out of the garage.
The three Senators piled in the back of the Hummer limousine and started drinking whiskey and cokes.
Alvin got behind the wheel and drove off wondering how could he contact Bob Biff about his delay with his meeting.
Alvin drove the Hummer limousine out of the mansion’s gates and drove down the street.
Twenty minutes later, Alvin parked the Hummer limousine in the side parking lot to the Sweet Hole strip club. The Senators entered through a side door that was reserved just for them.
A little while later, Alvin sat at a table in the Sweet Hole looking nervous while Senator Cheatham, Dewey and Howe were all receiving lap dances from naked strippers.
Alvin got up from his seat and slipped away to the bathroom while Senator Cheatham had a pair of C-cup breasts bouncing in his face.
Alvin rushed into an empty stall in the men’s room. He removed his cell phone and punched in a phone number.
“Bob, it’s Alvin. I can’t meet with you,” Alvin softly said into his cell phone.
“Why not?” Bob Biff replied from the cell phone.
“Senator Cheatham made me take his two Senator buddies to a strip club,” Alvin softly replied into his cell phone.
“Okay, can you meet me later tonight?” Bob Biff replied.
“Sure. I’ll call the second I can slip away,” Alvin softly replied in his cell phone then disconnected the call.
Alvin flushed the toilet then left the men’s room.
Alvin walked back to the Senators who were receiving lap dances from another set of naked strippers.
Alvin impatiently waited in his seat while the three Senators had their nasty fun.
Meanwhile, back at Senator Cheatham’s mansion, a shadowy figure appeared in the backyard gardens holding a sack.
The shadowy figure snuck from bush to bush while making its way to the rear of the mansion.
This figure became visible and he was Thomas Crown, a sixty-nine year old professional cat burglar with an English accent. Thomas wore black pants and shirt. On his shirt was “Thomas Crown – Rich Cat Burglar” embroidered in white lettering.
He peeked over a bush and saw that the coast was clear. He opened his sack and removed a cheap Fred Flintstone Halloween mask. He wore the mask then tiptoed to the rear of the mansion.
Thomas Crown was able to jimmy open one of the rear doors and snuck into the mansion.
Inside the mansion, Jimmy walked down the hallway and rushed into Senator Cheatham’s office.
Thomas Crown rushed over to the desk and rummaged through all the drawers. He found nothing of interest so he looked around the room.
He glanced at the bookcase and saw some drawers located at the bottom.
He rushed over to the bookcase and opened up one of the drawers. He saw six bundles of one hundred dollar bills. He grabbed the bundles and shoved them into his sack.
He opened up another one of the drawers and saw five bottles of Camus Cuvee 3.128 Cognac. He grabbed the bottles and carefully placed them in his sack.
Thomas spotted the ceramic Pink Panther on one of the shelves and for some reason he saw some value in it. He grabbed the pink Panther and placed it inside his sack.
He opened up another one of the drawers. Inside he saw eight Patek Philippe watches and five diamond rings in Platinum. He scooped them up and dropped them in his sack.
Thomas rushed out of the office and rushed down the hallway to check out some of the other rooms.
Fifteen minutes later, Thomas was a shadowy figure in the garden in the rear of the mansion and slipped away into the night. He had a sack full of high valued items and three of Cheatham’s paintings in his hand.
Meanwhile, Alvin was stuck driving the three Senators around Remakewood while they were naked with three naked strippers in the back of the Hummer limousine.
Alvin had the dry heaves at the sounds of the three elected officials had sex in the limo.