SOMA | The Meme Dump
It’s synthetic?
Nick touches Chef Ramsay’s arm and delivers the tag line.
NICK
Yes. The technology that gave us guiltfree hamburger now gives us guiltfree cannibalism.
RAMSEY
You have an ambitious palate. We'll do our best to season it properly. Congratulations on the purchase.
NICK
Thank you, Chef! Levon, I got wrap up. I must feast on manflesh!
LEVON
Mr. Stieb, if you can help with my business. That’d be really, really great. I’ll do whatever it takes.
NICK
Excellent, master! The perfect attitude for these matters. I just need a thumbscan and we're good to go, brother love.
Levons phone beeps. He looks at the screen.
“Do you agree to the following MemeTrade terms? The contract is binding worldwide. ”
Levon presses a button marked “auto read.” A hundred pages of legal jargon fly across the screen. LeoNard’s computerized voice reads the text at high speed. Levon flicks the legal jargon away. A new message appears.
“Mobile user MEMETRADE has requested a thumb scan.
The scan is equivalent to a signature in a court of law. Do you wish to proceed? Y or N”
Levon places his thumb on the black glass of his phone. A red scan 51
SOMA | The Meme Dump
line slides down the screen. Energetic chiptune music begins to play. On screen, LeoNard appears. She’s bowing. Lettering floats up from the bottom of the screen. It says, “YOU’VE GOT
YOURSELF DEAL! ”
NICK
Slick! Thanks, buddy. I’m off to break some culinary taboos.
LEVON
Thanks, Mr. Steib!
NICK
I'll let you know the MemeTrade results. Take care of that garden, you filthy genius!
LEVON
Lates.
Stieb hangs up. Levon looks at the animation of LeoNard bowing for several seconds. The screen goes black.
Levon looks around the empty pizzeria parking lot. He looks at his phone. He thumbs through several new messages he has received.
MESSAGE FROM Bad Dad 6969 (26 mins ago) Can you come by 750 Manning? ‘Ol Boxie? I need the usual.
MESSAGE FROM CODE NAME DANZIG (1 hour ago) Got your number from Milo. Text me if you can visit the East end.
LEVON
When it rains, it pours.
Levon hops on his longboard and rides into the sunset with a wide smile. He loads up his picture of June.
8. Interior. Levon’s treehouse. Leaside, Toronto.
Characters: LEVON, NICK, THE CLEANER, ISO. Extras: A 52
SOMA | The Meme Dump
mover, MemeTrade executives, parade fans, a bike courier.
Props: A clock radio, wrestling posters, Deltoid the dog, a platter of roast flesh, medieval knife, longboard, a van.
Levon is sleeping in a small treehouse built in a residential alleyway, several blocks from his mushroom farm. The treehouse has the spraypainted words “CHILL SPOT” written on its side.
The house is accessed by a soggy wooden ladder. On the underside of the ladder’s rungs, tiny Soma mushrooms have sprouted. They have gone unnoticed.
Levon lies in a hammock. The walls of his treehouse are decorated with wrestling posters, psychedelic art and dozens of pictures of his exgirlfriend June. The alarm on Levon’s old school clock radio goes off. It’s set to the thunderous entry music of professional wrestling superstar Bret “Hitman” Hart. Levon, barely conscious, swats at the radio to turn it off. His phone is vibrating over and over on the treehouse floor. He picks it up. There are 302 missed calls. Levon stares at the phone. He rubs his eyes, then the phone’s display glass.
Levon hears a van pulling up outside his treehouse and the sound of people arguing. He looks out the window, then dives for cover. On the ground is a man in a shortsleeved business shirt with gelled, spiky hair. He is accompanied by a smartly dressed female photographer and a man resembling a furniture mover wearing a yellow jumpsuit.
CLEANER
I mean, why even call it a schedule if they never stick to it?
ISO
Nobody’s perfect.
CLEANER
I just want them to be consistent. Our entire universe evolved out of imperfect but consistent rules!