“I don’t know quite how to say this.” Herman said as he pulled a cigar from the front shirt pocket of his suit jacket and lit it. He took a puff, exhaled and then continued. “People are saying that you are…” He wrinkled his face as if he were about to say something filthy. “Well, people around here say that you’re…competent.”

David shrugged. “People say a lot of things.”

Herman took another puff from his cigar and then blew a smoke ring. “That they do…that they do. I just hope you can tell me that the things they’re saying aren’t true.”

“If I said that, I’d be lying.” As he said this, Alice, David’s new wife, gripped his hand, reminding him to cool it. They had just been married and oh how they needed this job.

“So you admit it then, you’re competent.” Herman shook his bald head. “I had high hopes for you kid. I thought once you’d seen all the places this organization has been, you’d fall in line.”

“The fastest way to become a has been is to focus on what has been,” David protested. Alice squeezed his hand again, wordlessly attempting to calm him down before the situation escalated out of control.

Stories of the boss’s temper were legendary.

Herman grimaced at this words but for now his tone remained neutral. “Now, now, there’s no need for that kind of talk. You know full well that we don’t allow common sense around here.” Herman’s tone grew reflective as he stroked his double chin. “I liked you kid. I really did. You were pretty stupid. That’s why I hired you in the first place…what got into you? Why’d you hafta go and change on us? Did we treat ya wrong?”

“Well, for one thing, I’m the only one doing any work around here,” David began before being interrupted.

Herman inhaled another blast of toxic smoke and then blew a smoke ring. “That’s your whole problem kid. You’re using your head. You’re doing your job. If you stopped doing so much, you’d have more time for schmoozing and might even get yourself a promotion one of these days.” Herman’s voice rose as he temper began to take control. “As it is, if you keep on doing your job properly, I’m gonna hafta fire ya.”

“Please sir, don’t do that, David needs this job,” Alice pleaded as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Tension rose in the room as Herman considered this desperate plea. After awhile he calmed himself and began to speak again. “Tell ya what kid, I’m gonna give ya another chance. But if I hear anymore talk about using common sense or treating people properly, that’s it, you understand?” Herman glared a warning down at the minion beneath him.

David seemed about to protest again but instead, encouraged by his wife, he nodded. “Don’t worry sir. I’ll do my worst, I won’t let you down.”

A smile dawned over Herman’s pudgy face. “That’s better. Tell ya what. You keep this attitude up and you might even get my job one day. Now get out there and deliver the kind of customer service I told you to…”

And so, dismissed from the chambers of the chairman of the board, the two humbled employees returned to their positions at the call center. Overjoyed that they could keep their jobs…they resolved to do their worst if that’s what it took to keep their jobs.

It was truly a great day for Canada and the world.