Dear Willie,
My grandmother is considering becoming a professional wrestler and is having difficulty in deciding what to take as her ‘stage’ name. She was fond of Crusher Brannigan for a while, but has recently began to favour Deathlock Davies or Nutcracker Nelligan. Her actual name is Felicity.
She is a big fan of yours and would appreciate any help you could give. Tickets for ringside seats for her debut are on offer if you can come up with anything.
Hector Shitkucker, Arizona
Dear Hector,
I am no great fan of professional wrestling as the acting is often below the standard of even the most mediocre daytime soap opera. The offer of ringside seats is therefore immaterial. However I would like to help old Felicity in her ambitions and think Knitting Nancy or Baking Betty would be more appropriate.
Willie